101
November 29, 2006 | 1 Comments | Uncategorized
Lesson 1, Part I 
Lesson 1, Part II Lesson 2 Lesson 3 Lesson 4 Lesson 5 Lesson 6 Lesson 7 Lesson 8 Lesson 9 Lesson 10 Lesson 11 Lesson 12 Lesson 13 Lesson 14 Lesson 15 Lesson 16 Lesson 17 Lesson 18 Lesson 19 
Lesson 20
Perhaps the most important part of being a fratdaddy is looking like a fratdaddy. Looking like a fratdaddy is not solely limited to clothing. Before you learn what to wear, you need to learn how to take care of your body. A wise man once said, “The body is the temple.” For you, your body should be your fraternity house…but unlike your real fraternity house, you should actually take care of it. No pledge can do this for you.
Hair: There is only one acceptable hairstyle in the world of frat, and that is the fratshag. See the FH Dictionary for a definition. The following unfratty hairstyles firmly reflect the GDI statements listed below and should be avoided at all costs:
“I just spent 45 minutes frosting my tips and it looks like I just stuck my finger in a light socket.”
“Yes, I am unemployed and in a Sex Pistols cover band.”
“I may be a registered sex offender, but at least my neck ain’t sunburnt.”
Finally, hair should always be free of any hair care product. The only thing that should ever be dumped on your head is shampoo or beer/liquor from fratting hard at a social event.
Facial Hair: A fratdaddy can “hit or miss” with facial hair. It has been well established frat law that the five o’clock shadow is the most appropriate look for a fratdaddy. A five o’clock shadow says, “Yes, I own a razor, but after fratting immensely hard last night, I decided to forgo shaving this morning.” Lastly, sorostitutes are extremely attracted to fratdaddies with five o’clock shadows.
Tanning: A fratdaddy needs to be tan, but not too tan. The last guy (other than a GDI) that a sorostitute wants to shack with is a guy who resembles Casper. Tanning should occur naturally by participating in fratty outdoor activities, such as golf, or by laying out and drinking alcohol by a body of water, a process known in the frat world as “bronzing.” Under no circumstances should a fratdaddy ever step foot in a tanning salon or use any type of spray-on tan product. The use of such a product would be absolute disaster for any fratdaddy…you do NOT want to end up looking like our day-glo orange friends below:
Body Piercings: No part of you body should be pierced. Again, no part of your body should be pierced. This should be self explanatory. You are a fratdaddy, not a sorostitute.
Jewelry: This goes along the same lines as body piercing. You want people to stare at your face, not your shiny gold chain. Again, you are a fratdaddy, not a sorostitute.
Body Art: There are no acceptable forms of body art, also known as tattoos. Tattoos are low-class and a sign of total disrespect for one’s body. No one cares about that barbed-wire around your arm, that you love The Intimidator, and that you like Chinese symbols. Think, money spent on body piercings, jewelry, and/or body art could go towards throwing one hell of a fratastic party. Now, a word on a touchy subject…frat tats. Unfortunately, many fratdaddies that otherwise frat hard all day, no lunch breaks, have fallen into the frat tat trap. Most of the time, these tattoos are placed on an area of the body that is not visible in day to day activity. However, this does not negate the fact that tattoos of any kind are simply not fratty. First of all, trying too hard to show your fraternal ties shows weakness in other areas of being a fratdaddy. You should not have to permanently place your letters on your person to show others how hard you frat. Also, frat tats could cause you to inadvertently break the Law of Overlettering, which states that a fratdaddy should display his fraternity name/letters on his person no more than once at a time. Therefore, the final verdict on frat tats is thus: if you already have one, this doesn’t mean that you can’t make up for it by fratting hard in other areas, but if you’re thinking about getting one, don’t do it…it’s simply not the fratty thing to do.
In conclusion, following these simple rules will put you well on your way to looking like a fratdaddy. In no time you will be running the world and shacking with sorostitutes like a fratdaddy should.
Ladies, the professors of www.frattinghard.com are Title IX supporters and we are here to take care of your fratting needs. Like fratdaddies, sorostitutes must take special care regarding their looks. Any mistakes made in the following categories will prevent any woman from ever stepping foot in a frat castle. If you wish to frat hard, abide by the following guidelines set forth below:
Hair: Unlike with fratdaddies, many different hairstyles are acceptable for sorostitutes in the frat world. The key is to keep your hairstyle conservative. Highlights are allowed, as long as they are properly done. The so-called “skunk look,” as seen below, must be avoided. To ensure the proper sorostitute look, you shoud extend the practice of frat tabbing to the beauty salon. The more money you spend at a reputable hair stylist, the better. No amount is too high to make sure that you are able to reel in the frattiest of the frat daddies.
Make-up: Make-up should be worn in public at all times. The last thing you want is a fratdaddy to see you without make-up, which will guarantee that you will not be asked to any fraternity function by him or his fratty brothers anytime in the near future. When it comes to make-up, a sorostitute should avoid looking like a whore, which is just a step shy of face painting, as you can see from the following picture. Any extreme colors should only be worn for certain fraternity or sorority social functions, such as 80’s parties or pimps n’ hoes swaps/mixers. Finally, lip gloss is a must for any sorostitute. When that time of the night comes around when your frat daddy wants to seal the deal, dry lips are definitely a deal breaker.
Tanning: A sorostitute should have a nice, healthy tan. Bronzing is the preferred way to achieve the perfect tan. Unlike frat daddies, it is permissible for a sorostitute to enter a tanning salon, but avoid visiting the salon so much that you end up looking like a Christmas turkey that’s been cooking at 350 degrees for 5 hours.. There is such a thing as being too tan. Here’s a test: if it’s December, and you have sunburn on any part of you body, you’ve been tanning too much. As for spray tan, it is never permissible. Remember our day-glo orange friend from Part One of this guide. You do not want to look like your tan is fake. Although there are some establishments that may be able to provide you with a quick fix tan that looks half way natural, this is a shot in the dark which should be avoided. If you really care about being on the speeddial of frat daddies across campus, you’ll take care to avoid this type of quick fix that will leave you looking like one of the two bit wanna be’s that hangs out at the local coffee shop waiting to pick up guys after their ultimate frisbee tournament.
Body Piercings: Piercings are simple for sorostitues: one hole in each earlobe. Should you already have a piercing of another area of your body, stop wearing jewelry in that area immediately. For navel piercings, there is no other way to put this: this isn’t high school, this isn’t senior trip, and this isn’t the Redneck Riveria. Put a pearl in each ear and let any other holes in your body that you weren’t born with heal up. The holes on your body that were God given are sufficient for any respectable frat daddy.
Jewelry: Pearls and small diamonds are highly recommended jewelry items that can easily be worn by sorostitutes on a daily basis. Even though you may not feel like putting on the pearls for your 8 o’clock class, doing so is just a part of being a sorostitute. Yes, the girl that sits beside you may have come to class in no makeup, no jewelry, and wearing pajama pants…but you came wearing pajama pants with makeup and pearls. This communicates to the frat daddies on campus that you had a great time the night before, but you’re still all class, and are ready to go again tonight. Cheap and costume jewelry should never be part of a sorostitute’s attire. These items tell everyone in the room that you knew you should have worn some jewelry, thus giving you a chance to frat hard, but you took the easy way out and went home instead.
Body Art: Body art, also known as tattoos, is unacceptable in the frat world. Tattoos, especially tramp stamps, are not acceptable in any situation. You may think that dolphin on your back tells the world that you are environmentally conscious, but in reality it is just a bullseye. This sends a message to the world that any douchebag is capable of taking you home and shacking with you after he shows you the new Nickleback song that he learned to play on his synthesizer, or that he programmed into his cellphone. That may be cool to some, but you do not want to be stereotyped in that way. You want to be stereotyped as a classy sorostitute that frat daddy would be proud to take to his next formal. If you already have a tattoo, either cover it up or have it removed.
Following these rules will ensure you a lifetime of fratting hard with the frattiest of frat daddies. Before going out in public, think to yourself, “Would a fratdaddy let me meet his parents looking like this?” This is important, because his dad is probably a judge or a CEO of a major company. If the answer is no, re-read this guide and make the appropriate changes. If the answer is yes, then keep doing what you’re doing and go frat hard with no lunch breaks.
With the coldest months of the year upon us, we are presented every day with an opportunity to frat hard via our chosen winter wardrobe. A key part of any fratdaddy’s/sorostitute’s winter wardrobe is the jacket. But what is the frattiest brand of jacket to wear? Today we will take a look at four popular brands and investigate the pros and cons that each brand presents. We will also mention some winter warmth methods that constitute near-douchebaggery and should be avoided at all costs.
What to wear:
Columbia: Although not quite as popular as some of the other options on this list, these jackets are still a viable alternative in the fratty wardrobe. However, their often lower price tag presents a problem; namely, this makes them less exclusive and therefore more worn in the community at large. However, their classic designs and utilitarian nature usually prevent them from being picked up by douchebags who search for flashier and gaudier styles.
Mountain Hardwear: A more recent entry into this battle, MHW has come on strong as an alternative to the more widely recognized North Face and Patagonia brands. Their prices are near those of North Face, which lets you buy with the confidence of knowing you’ve spent a sufficient amount on your purchase, and our recent studies have shown that these items are virtually unknown to the GDI community.
North Face: The pros of the North Face jacket are obvious. Simply put, it is the staple of the fratty community when it comes to winter wear. In fact, many unfratty people who know little more about fratology have caught on to the fact that North Face is fratty. However, this presents a definite problem, as the product’s popularity has led to many “copycat fratters” who will buy a North Face jacket and mix it with other clothes and behaviors that soil the good name of the brand. It is still acceptable as an option, but be aware that it is no longer the tried and true sign of one fratting hard as it used to be.
Patagonia: With a name that is almost as strong in the fratty community as North Face, this brand has been strengthened by the fact that, despite its popularity, it has not caught on with nonfratty types at the same rate as North Face. With this in mind, you can buy your Patagonia choice with confidence while knowing that your purchase will serve you well as you frat hard in the winter months.
Now, before moving on to what not to wear, we must say a word about putting stickers on your vehicle that contain a logo of any of the above brands (or any clothing brand at all, for that matter). This is a scourge that has, unfortunately, seriously infiltrated fratdom. As we said in Frat v. GDI #3: Vehicle Edition, there are only two stickers that should be on your vehicle: your fraternity letters and your university name OR logo. Simply put, placing clothing brand stickers on your vehicle is a classic example of trying to hard to frat hard. You may think that you are going all out, but in actuality you are just going home. Now, on to what not to wear…
What Not To Wear:
Leather Jackets: We don’t even have to explain this. The only time when a leather jacket is fratty is at a biker swap/mixer or sorority theme party. Otherwise, leave the leather to your brother who depledged and joined a biker gang.
Hooded Sweatshirt: Just as North Face is a staple of the fratty community, hooded sweatshirts are a staple of international douchebaggery. The more pedestrian violation of this hard and fast rule are hooded sweatshirts with your university name or logo. Although this is a lesser offense, it is still forbidden. The greater of this evil is a hooded sweatshirt that comes from “The Evil A’s”…Abercrombie, Aeropostale, and American Eagle. Of course, you don’t have one, because you don’t shop there, right? If you can’t answer that question in all confidence, go to your closet immediately and expunge it of these items that are abhorred by the eyes of the Frat Gods.
The post grad wardrobe has just a few subtle changes from the one you wore in college. College staples such as the Polo shirt is still perfectly acceptable outside the office. However, your newfound responsibilities bring you new challenges in selecting a fratty wardrobe. Acceptable office attire includes Brooks Brothers button downs, diagonally striped ties, and custom tailored suits. The latter is absolutely vital to the fratty office ensemble; remember: fratdaddies do not wear cheap suits. A good rule of thumb is that no suit you own should cost less than $500. JC Penney suits are not frat. Whenever possible, work in frat staples such as seersucker in the summer months. For casual Fridays (which are more appropriately titled “Keep It Frat Fridays”) you should break out your best polo shirt choices along with khaki pants and Topsiders.
Simply put, no one item embodies the fratty lifestyle as does the solid colored polo shirt. Ever versatile, the polo is first donned by the fratty when they are just fratlings, serves them daily as pledges, and is worn faithfully throughout college and into the post-grad fratting years. However, not all polo shirts are equal. This guide will hopefully inform and educate you in the art of fratting the polo…an art that anyone wishing to frat hard must learn early and practice often.
As a primer, we must define the “polo shirt”. We are referring to a short sleeved, solid colored cotton shirt with a collar and typically two buttons. They should be free of any decoration, other than a small logo on the left breast of the shirt. As we explain later, this tiny logo is often the difference between fratting hard and going home.
The wearing of the polo shirt is rather basic. Undershirts are optional, but if worn they must be of the white short sleeved variety. Nothing says, “GDI” like a long sleeved, colored t-shirt under your polo. It is very important to immediately note that sorostitutes should absolutely include the ladies’ polo in their wardrobe. Few things show the world that you are lady that’s willing to frat hard like a polo shirt with your ruffly-butt skirt. As for tuck-in rules, there are several options. The fratdaddy can wear the polo tucked, untucked, or front tucked. The only exception is on the golf course, when only a tucked polo is proper.
What is not basic, however, is selecting the right polo shirt. This site ran a poll for several months that asked the question, “What is the frattiest brand of polo shirt?” This poll included four of the most popular options in the frat community: Ralph Lauren Polo, Brooks Brothers, Vineyard Vines, and Lacoste. The professors of fratology were pleased to see that when the final results were tallied, the percentages reflected our own opinions. These brands will now be explored in more depth so that you can make an informed decision about your polo shirt purchases.
Ralph Lauren Polo
40.49% of poll respondents concurred with our belief that the old standard, Ralph Lauren Polo, is still the benchmark of polo shirts in the fratty community. There is little that can be said about Polo that you don’t already know. A staple of fratdom from the first days of pledgeship all the way though post-grad fratting, the solid colored Polo is always a safe bet. One of the upsides to the Polo brand is that they provide fratty attire for both men and ladies. Sorostitutes should note that the shirt-inspired Polo dresses, which are, in actuality, just long Polo shirts, are vital components in the true sorostitute’s wardrobe. But be you a sorostitute or a fratdaddy, there is little doubt that the Ralph Lauren Polo is still the standard by which all other polo shirts are judged. After all, we named this post, “Battle of the Polo Shirts” for a reason…Ralph Lauren defined this style which has so ingrained itself into the frat community that there is no chance that it will give up its top spot in the fratvironment for years to come.
Brooks Brothers
Coming in with 28.74% of the vote was Brooks Brothers. While implementing the basic styles and colors of the Polo shirt, Brooks Brothers falls to second place for a couple of key reasons. First, it is less prevalent among younger fratters, especially those who have not yet entered college. Many true fratdaddies were dressing fratty before they even made it to campus, and in these early wardrobes Brooks Brothers is usually only sporadically found. Even through college, the lessons of pledgeship often influence fratdaddies to favor the Horse over the Golden Fleece. However, the entire Brooks Brothers repertoire, when compared to the entirety of the Ralph Lauren Polo collection, may just contain the highest percentage of fratty attire. Secondly, the Brooks Brothers brand does not offer the same availability for fratty options for sorostitutes. For this reason, historically, sorostitutes come to favor the other options on this list above Brooks Brothers merchandise. However, the Brooks Brothers polo is still a classy device that should be represented in every fratdaddy’s closet (on at least a limited basis). When the college days are over, we recommend that these premium items take an even bigger role in your wardrobe, as they have long been staples of the post-grad fratty closet.
Vineyard Vines
With 17.41% of the vote was the new pledge on the block, Vineyard Vines…and it is a super pledge. If you are not acquainted with the Whale, we encourage you to go check out their website (warning: if you are a GDI, look at the site one picture at a time…otherwise, the frattiness of the pictures may cause your head to explode). We have tried to find something in the Vineyard Vines catalog that is not fratty. So far, we have failed on this quest. To add to the fratty look of this brand, even the names of the colors are fratabulous. “Bermuda pink,” “Greenwich green,” “Sailor red,” “Lobster,” “Margarita,” “Prepster pink,” and “Maui blue,” are just a few of the fratty colors you can choose from when you’re picking your Vineyard Vines selection. If it sounds like we are excited about this brand, it’s because we are. Since it hit our region, the professors of fratology have systematically integrated more and more Vineyard Vines selections into our own wardrobes. We encourage you all to follow suit. However, be mindful that the other, more famous brands should still have a place in your wardrobe. Although fratty to the extreme, the Whale still doesn’t have the face recognition of the Horse. Oh, and ladies, the Whale cares you, too. Shirts, sweaters, and other fratty female attire are readily available from the Vineyard Vines folks.
Lacoste
Bringing up the rear in the poll was Lacoste with 13.36% of the vote. Just because Lacoste finished last in the poll does not mean it cannot be fratty at times. However, be advised that this long standing brand is unfortunately popular with many douchebags. In fact, we have often seen douchebags trying to integrate themselves with fratdaddies at bars while using the Lacoste shirt as cover. The Gator made a comeback in the frat community in the early 2000’s, but for the reason stated above has taken a dive of late. There is no need to clear your wardrobe of Lacoste; just be advised that for every-day wear, the other three brands are more appropriate.
Although the above brands are national standards, there are some regional polo brands that are also acceptable. You, as a fratdaddy, know what these brands are in your region. They can be integrated into your wardrobe; just use your frat sense when making such purchases.
Now that you know what to wear, it is important that we mention what not to wear. We’ve said it before, and we’re saying it again: we don’t care if they are solid colored polo shirts, DO NOT WEAR AMERICAN EAGLE, ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH, OR AEROPOSTALE. That is as plain as we can state it. Just don’t do it. You didn’t join a fraternity or sorority to look like a douchebag.
Only a novelty item just a few years ago, the cell phone is now an indispensable tool for just about every breathing human being in a civilized country. The advantages of the cell phone are too numerous to name. Instant communication wherever you are, organization of friends and acquaintances, and the invaluable feeling that you are never out of the loop are just a few of the reasons why any hard fratter needs a cell phone. However, with any technology comes pitfalls that can easily reduce your fratitude to levels commonly found at an ultimate frisbee tournament. Unlike many of our Fratting 101 lessons, this primer is less about what to do, and more about what NOT to do.
As for what you need in a cell phone, the choices are broad. Any traditional phone that is reasonably new will do. When we say, “reasonably new,” cutting edge is not required. It doesn’t matter if you still have your old Nokia that is so big it would bring a tear to Zach Morris’s eye; it can still make and receive calls and store the numbers of your fellow fratdaddies and sorostitutes. However, you do need to consider having a phone with text messaging capabilities. Not surprisingly, most professors frown on you answering calls in class, so text messaging is essential in making plans for the night ahead if you decided to wake up and go to class that particular morning. Text messaging is also vital when you are in usual fratty situations such as in bars or at ball games. These places are often too loud to be conducive to using your phone in a traditional manner, and efficient text messaging is often the key to successful bar hopping strategy.
As you are probably thinking yourself, that isn’t a lot of cell phone rules. However, the previous section only dealt with what you need to have. What you do not need to have is more expansive, and we dare say much more important.
The first cell phone pitfall we address is first for a reason. Simply put, it is one of the most pervasive forms of douchebaggery that penetrates society today. You’ve seen them. You’ve laughed at them. They are the bluetooth headsets. There is really no nice way to put this…there is yet to be a person born that gets so many calls that they will injure themselves raising their phone from their pocket to their ear. Unless you’re a drug dealer or a telemarketer, there is no reason to have one of these devices. They look ridiculous, they are totally unnecessary, and they will make people around you think that you are a schizophrenic. Most telling, though, is the number of GDI’s and douchebags that have adopted this technology. In fact, we have found in our studies that before they were released, the first bluetooth headsets were extensively tested to make sure that they would survive daily contact with hair gel. Some mistakes in fratology can be made up for by fratting hard in other areas. However, this is not one of those mistakes that can be swept under the rug. If you’re thinking about buying one, don’t do it. If you already have one, kick yourself in crotch, and then donate it to a 15 year old at your local mall’s video arcade. He will appreciate it’s usefulness as he takes calls while playing Dance, Dance Revolution.
Another grievous cell phone error, but a much more common one in the frat community, concerns cell phone belt clips. Fratdaddies, the phone goes in your pocket. Sorostitutes, the phone goes in your purse. Fratting hard doesn’t mean showing off. If you are correctly outfitted in fratty attire, this can be seen from a mile away. If anything, the cell phone belt clip distracts the attention away from the finely perfected fratty wardrobe.
Most cell phones today come equipped with a camera. This doesn’t mean you have to use it. Sorostitutes, you’re pretty much off the hook here. Although you shouldn’t be one of those people that pull out their cell phone 30 times a day to take a picture, occasional photography with your phone will not hurt. However, if you are a fratdaddy, the times when you should use your phone’s camera are very limited in scope. If you see something funny that you’d like to tell a story about later, but are so drunktaneous that you think you’ll forget, you can use the camera. However, the key word here is “minimalism”. Don’t use your phone’s camera unless you feel that it is absolutely necessary.
In summary, remember that, at base, cell phones are for fratdaddy/sorostitute to fratdaddy/sorostitute communication. Like most accessories, conservative use the cell phone (and all personal electronics, for that matter) is always a good rule of thumb. One final point…although this shouldn’t even need to be said, if you still have a pager, and there’s not a “Dr.” in front of your name, go revoke your membership in a Greek organization immediately. Believe us, they don’t want you anymore.
Undoubtedly, one of the frattiest social functions a fraternity or sorority can host is a formal. After all, you, our loyal readers, voted formal and their complement, cocktail, all the way to the Fratty Four in the Frat Madness Tournament. To elaborate for the educational purposes of this guide, by formal we do not mean your typical run-of-the-mill formal. We are speaking of the once a year, granddaddy of them all formals, where you take buses or limousines with your entire fraternity or sorority and all dates to a far away city for a weekend, stay in the most luxurious of luxury hotels, blow thousands, and remain drunktaneous until you return to campus. If this concept of a formal is new to you, then wash the hair gel off your head and start planning. If you already have a formal such as this planned, follow the guide to have such a fratty formal that you and your date will rue the day that you have to go home.
The Time & Place
Traditionally, formals are held in bigger cities with more “relaxed” or “morally casual” drinking laws to provide the underaged fratdaddies and sorostitutes with expired, out-of-state, fake ID’s an opportunity to still get drunktaneous. The most prevalent time to have a formal is during the winter or spring, but mainly select a weekend that does not cause scheduling conflicts with other fratty activities.
The Date
Contrary to the majority of other dates you will have in your college career, this one is actually important because not only will you be sleeping with them, you will be with them for an entire weekend. The utmost care must be utilized when selecting a date for a formal such as this. The general rule of thumb is to select a date that you have known for some time. This defends against any unexpected douchebaggery your date may exhibit as well as potential awkwardness when it is shacking time. Again, a bad date will destroy your formal faster than a GDI biking to an Ultimate Frisbee tournament. Lastly, remember that if you have a date and it appears upon further review that they may not be formal material, you can deformalize them (see our Dictionary ) and get another date.
The Ride There
Get a cooler, pack it with top shelf liquor, have the driver put on some fratty tunes, and enjoy the fratmosphere.
Shacking Arrangements
It is well-established frat law that shacking is one of the frattiest activities known to those initiated into the world of frat. It is so frat that it went home instead of competing in the Frat Madness Tournament, and yet it is still frat. The most vital thing to do is have your formal chairperson plan your housing arrangements to where you are forced to shack with your date. Many times, a problem is posed at formal when, to reduce costs, rooms are shared between two couples. The best answer to this problem is simple: start frattabbing before you ever leave campus, and get a private room. If you are hooked into sharing a room, you will have to use more imagination. One option is pre-planning selected times with your fraternity brother/sorority sister to ensure that there is single couple time intervals during the weekend. Other, less tricky, options include getting a date that doesn’t mind putting on a show.
The Activities
The activities that you should partake in over formal weekend should not differ to a great extent from your typical activities. Formal is about fratting hard in a different fratmosphere. While bar hopping, late-night Waffle House, and shacking are certain to be on the agenda, formal delivers a great frattabbing opportunity. Take your date to an upscale restaurant. Note that by upscale we mean the most expensive entrées and wine that your formal city has to offer. Rarely can you participate in something more frat than taking the liberty to order your date filet and lobster while having them overwhelmingly impressed by your criticism of the Chateau Pichon Longueville Baron Pauillac 1998.
The Actual Formal
Your fraternity or sorority should have a location leased for at least one evening of the weekend. Live band, formal attire, and of course, an open bar shall be included during any actual formal. This is very self-explanatory and we will not divulge into much detail since you are intelligent enough to be enrolled in Fratting 101.
The Ride Back
Studying, sleeping, staring into space – these are some of the low fratitude things your professors have witnessed on rides back during various formals over the years. There is no excuse to mentally “go home” while you are physically going home. Continue the celebration by doing exactly what you did on the ride to formal, and that should include heavy drinking, not heavy thinking. After all, frat does not take a day off. The most important thing to remember is that the formal is not over until the bus parks next to the frat castle.
Post-Grad Formal
Finally, just because you have a diploma on the wall and a fratty job does not imply that your formal days are complete. Arrange to have your pledge brothers or pledge sisters meet somewhere for the weekend, bring dates or spouses, and have one post-grad fratting formal, just like the old days.
You can’t go wrong with a classic, traditional leather belt (Brooks Brothers Belt 1). The one in that picture is $98.00. Get two (brown and black).
Also, for more casual days, a D-ring belt can be the way to go (Brooks Brothers Belt 2) can be a great addition to a pair of shorts.
Also, if you’re ready to absolutely frat off the planet, check out Smathers & Branson belts (Smathers Belt). These are only $150 a piece, and we recommend having at least two of them. Such fratty designs include Duck Hunting, Nautical Flags, Sailing, and Skiing. Smathers and Branson also makes, interestingly enough, luxury dog collars. Dropping $75 a piece on collars for your hunting dogs? TFM.
Continuing our look into fratty accessories, we will now inquire into what type of headwear is acceptable for the fratdaddy in casual situations. It must first be said that no headwear is required for one to frat hard. However, although completely optional, headwear must conform to certain standards to ensure that it does not clash with the frattiness of the rest of the outfit.
There are two choices for fratty headwear: traditional caps and visors. Over the years, the visor (especially the Kavu visor) have gained popularity in the frat community. However, your professors are in agreement that the only truly safely fratty visors are those that come not from the outdoor equipment variety, but rather those that are most at home on the golf course. The absolute frattiest visor one can wear comes from a little golf course that is found in Augusta, Georgia. If you don’t know what we’re talking about, print off this entire site and read it 20 times before you go back out in public. That’s how far into douchebaggery you have already fallen. Visors are much more acceptable in general on the golf course than they are going to class, out at the bars, or taking frat laps on a Friday afternoon.
A safer bet is the traditional baseball style cap. As for style, as always, the word is “conservative”. Fashion caps such as those made by Polo, Vineyard Vines, etc., are great for this purpose. You can find such caps that are entirely one color with the exception of a small logo in their front center (as seen in the photo below). The ever popular “game day cap” is also a sure winner. These caps, which are generally white and display the school name or nickname in a conservative manner, are acceptable for everyday wear or for display with your shirt and tie on Saturday afternoon. If you will remember back to the opening round of the Frat Madness Tournament, you will recall that one of our play-in game contestants was “broken in white hat”. This should show you that when it comes to game day hats, the more “worn-in” the better (translation: the best game day hats have hit the floor in the bar multiple times).
Although the above examples are the most often used headwear options in the fratty community, some others are available in certain circumstances. For instance, many fratdaddies daddies own or are prominently ranked in major corporations. Wearing a hat displaying the logo of a business that your father owns or is CEO of is unmistakably fratty. Also, if you are a member of a hunting club or outdoors society (such as Ducks Unlimited), a hat showing one of these logos is acceptable.
Spring break is upon us here in the world of frat. It is a time for abundant shacking and chronic drunktaneousness. Similar to formals, spring break provides an opportunity to frat hard away from the confines of the typically university setting. Most fratdaddies and sorostitutes formulate their spring break plans months in advance. If you have yet to make plans because you are a hungover procrastinator, do not worry. Consult fellow sorostitutes and fratdaddies to establish your spring break plans. The information to follow demonstrates how to come back to campus with a damaged liver, beautiful bronze look, and with enough fratty stories to make a GDI’s head explode.
Where Should I Go?
Spring break is not a time to go home, both literally and figuratively. The typical places to go involve large bodies of water, particularly oceans. The reasoning behind this is numerous and will be further articulated in the “What Should I Do?” section. The easiest place to select is the one in which most of the fratty people at your school will be located. This will provide for many common faces, as well as guarding against the possibility that unfamiliar faces may have an affinity for douchebaggery. Cruises are a fratty spring break alternative and still involve being on a body of water. If enough fratdaddies and sorostitutes will accompany you, cruises can provide the same fratmosphere as a beach. Some fratdaddies and sorostitues desire to spend their spring break on the slopes. While this is fratty, this is spring break, not winter break. Grey skies and full-body clothing do not allow for bronzing and aesthetically pleasing views giving to us by bikinis and two-inch inseams skim trunks. Remember, your plans should involve leaving campus and not “going home.”
Where Should I Stay?
The key here is to take the frat castle with you, meaning find accommodations that will allow you to stay with several of your brothers and sisters. This is best accomplished by renting, or if possible, buying a house. Also, the chances are great that at least one fratdaddy or sorostitute will have rich parents who own a vacation home at your spring break location of choice. The advantages here are numerous: house parties, excluding GDI’s from your house parties, increased shacking opportunities, etc. The biggest advantage to a beach house is the ability to have a group that is as loud and drunktaneous as you want to be without worrying about ending up in the local lock-up. This, along with the sheer spatial advantages (including more privacy for the numerous shacking opportunities) makes the beach house an easy choice. If for some reason you cannot get a house for spring break, find other accommodations, such as a luxury hotel, but by all means do not “go home.”
What Should I Do?
Obviously, alcohol should be in the fratmosphere at all times or else the fratmosphere becomes a douchebagosphere. Don’t be the person to put a hole in the fratmosphere. This means that an alcoholic beverage should be in your hands every second that you are not passed out during spring break – no exceptions. Assuming you are on a beach or on a gigantic ship during the day, you have a great fratty opportunity to bronze. Nobody on campus wants to see some ghoulish-like creature after spring break. There are few things in fratlife that are better than getting drunktaneous, evaluating shacking opportunities, and bronzing at the same time. Other fratty activities are available if you do not fell compelled to purely bronze. These include golf, deep-sea fishing, and sailing. While these activities should not encompass your entire spring break, working one or more into your spring break activities can make for a frattier spring break. Nighttime should involve going out, house parties, or a combination. This is rather self-explanatory and should not deviate much from the way you handle them while at school.
Summary
In sum, leaving campus, going to a fratty location with fratdaddies and sorostitutes, moving the frat castle, and getting drunktaneous will ensure for a fratty spring break. After doing this, everything will fall into frat.
It is unquestioned that it is easy to spot a GDI; the differences between them and ourselves can be seen from a mile away. However, we cannot simply use the term “GDI” with the mindset that all GDI’s the same. Douchbaggery actually comes in many different forms, each of which presents a different annoyance to the fratty society. In this guide, we will give you an introduction to some of the most common types of GDI so that you may more effectively identify and avoid them.
Gelled Hair Meatbag
Natural Habitat: Working out 5 times a day; Local Raves
Interests: Steroids, Hair Gel, Roofies, Axe Body Spray
How to Handle: You will rarely see these individuals out on the town, as they are innately aware of their inability to function in fratty social situations. If confronted with a meatbag, sarcastically compliment his Abercrombie muscle shirt.
Goth
Natural Habitat: We really don’t know. Maybe doing incantations in the woods.
Interests: Wicca, Death Metal, Disturbing Poetry
How to Handle: Don’t worry: the goth is more afraid of you than you are of him/her. If they were to confront you with their usual rant about you being a “conformist”, just walk away while confidently thinking that while we all wear different colored polo shirts, they all only wear black.
Nerd
Natural Habitat: In front of his computer or local Magic: The Gathering club
Interests: Science fiction, online gaming, animated pornography
How to Handle: You will never, ever see these people outside of class. You won’t have to sit beside them there, either, because they actually get to class on time.
Natural Habitat: Coffee shops, women’s studies classes, sleeping outdoors
Interests: Body odor, tie-dye, avoiding soap and water
How to Handle: Stay as far away from as possible to avoid the smell
Natural Habitat: May be seen out at bars in full Hollister attire
Interests: Puka shells, bleach, cargo shorts
How to Handle: These GDI’s are basically harmless. Be on the lookout for freshmen wannabe surfers, as we have reports of many attempting to rush fraternities
Protesters
Natural Habitat: Crowded parts of campus
Interests: Decrying corporate power, eating animals, concentration of wealth, and other ideals that fratdaddies and sorostitutes hold dear
How to Handle: These GDI’s would like nothing more than to draw you into a shouting match. Be the bigger man/woman, and rest easy knowing that you have better things to do than standing in front of the student union holding a sign.
In the last few weeks, we’ve had interesting, and sometimes heated, discussion about what constitutes “fratty music”. To that, I say that we are very pleased that so many of you esteemed fratdaddies have taken it upon yourselves to delve into this subject on your own. The constant examination of all things fratty is essential to growing one’s fratitude throughout life.
We hope that this discussion will continue. However, comments have been so varied that we feel it is our duty as your professors of fratology to make a statement on the issue.
If you ask a layman what is, “Fratty Music”, you’ll most likely get an answer that includes 80’s, jam bands, and the like. Are they fratty? They can be. Is that the only music that is fratty? Certainly not.
So that brings us back to the big question…what music is “fratty music”? The answer to this is…whatever music that is being listened to by fratty people in fratty situations. You can think of music like the cold air inside your ski cabin, and of fratitude as the fire your butler lights in the fireplace. What happens when the fire is lit? The fratitude radiates and warms the air in the room.
So to does the person and the situation make music fratty. Is Michael Jackson music fratty? When it’s being played at the 80’s cover band at your band party, certainly. How about Dave Matthews, which is considered by the outside world to be “frat music”? Well, you have a gel headed, puka shell wearing, Abercrombie sporting, hemp ankle bracelet clad Grade A 100% Heinz Distilled Vinegar Approved Douchebag playing it to try to impress chicks, and it’s about as fratty as an ultimate frisbee competition.
The wise fratdaddy has a wide musical arsenal at his disposal, and knows well how to use which genre in which situation. He knows what songs are great for the ride to the river with his pledge brothers, and which are more appropriate on the way to the bar with a car full of sorostitutes. He knows that the musical fare for a shot party may dramatically differ from that at a crawfish boil two days later. But the important thing is, he can identify the differences in these situations and adapt his musical selection accordingly (hopefully, your house has such an adept in charge of getting bands for your parties).
One of the overarching themes of our lessons on activities here at FrattingHard.com has always been this: the most important part of fratting hard is the people…the actual fratdaddies and sorostitutes who are doing the fratting. When you are fratting as hard as you can, in every way you can, 24/7, no lunch breaks, the situations you find yourself in will be made frattier. Of course, this doesn’t apply to activities that are patent douchbaggery; but when it comes to such open subjects as music, where opinions differ so widely, it is the strength of the fratting around it that makes the song.
There are not many accessories that have a place in the fratdaddy’s wardrobe: a watch and occasionally a hat are, in fact, the only appropriate additions to every day casual fratwear. However, there is one more accessory that is beyond appropriate. It is, we believe, absolutely vital to any self-respecting fratdaddy’s repertoire…the fratty sunglasses.
The first issue we will address is when sunglasses are appropriate in everyday wear. This is governed by the “Rule of Natural Light” (no, not the fratwater). If there is any naturally produced light source outside that could possibly make you squint, you can put on your sunglasses. Frat doesn’t take a day off because it’s partially cloudy.
We will next address exceptions to the rule of acceptable sunglasses wear. There are some situations where, although normally permitted, sunglasses should not be worn. Note: this doesn’t mean they can’t be worn OUTSIDE on the way to these events; it simply means they should be taken off one’s visible person and placed in a jacket or pants pocket for simple reasons of respect. These situations include: church, funerals, weddings, and certain meetings where the dress is business professional. Again, this is a simple matter of class, and sticking the sunglasses in your pocket for this brief time will not negatively affect your fratitude at all.
So, what brand of sunglasses should you buy? The most popular choice in the frat community right now is undeniably Costa Del Mar. We have had some concerns by some readers about certain douchebags also wearing this brand. However, we need to stress: we as fratdaddies cannot simply roll over and give up frat staple brands just because a limited number of douchebags have tried to ride our coattails to correct fashion. We will address this in a post shortly. Obviously, many of our readers agree, as Costas beat out 32 other combatants for the title of the Frat Madness Tournament Champion. With this strong display of frat power, we do not hesitate to suggest Costas for any fratdaddy or sorostitute. Ray Bans have also long been a popular choice amidst the frat community, and they remain so to this day.
For sorostitutes, another prime sunglasses choice is Coco Chanel. They’re a bit more formal than sportier styles like Costas, and are appropriate for any situation that adheres to the rules above.
As you already know via the Frat Madness Tournament, croakies are an essential complement to your choice of fratty sunglasses. Croakies come in many shapes and styles, most of which are acceptable. Any pair of Costa Del Mar’s or Croakies (the actual brand) will suffice. Also, Vineyard Vines and Southern Proper are recent additions to the croakie universe, and both should gain your consideration. There are two fratty attire pitfalls we have recognized that can drop your fratitude several notches. The first pitfall is wearing camouflaged croakies. These should only be around your neck when the rest of your body requires camouflage as well. The second pitfall is wearing croakies containing university colors and/or logos. As you already know (http://frattinghard.com/fratty-wordphrase-of-the-week-19/), these are only appropriate if they satisfy the gameday exception.
One last point we wish to address is the issue of sunglasses at night. You may have seen fratdaddies in bars or restaurants with their sunglasses sitting on their neck after the sun has gone down. We are not here to require, nor condemn, this fashion statement. Often, it is a simple matter of convenience. One may be busy before going out, and lack an opportunity to put their sunglasses away. More often, we find it very easy to simply forget that we’ve got on an accessory that we wear everyday. Either way, it is perfectly acceptable to flip your sunglasses around and put them on your neck when the sun has gone down. There is no requirement for completely taking them off and putting them away. However, you should never make it a point to do this on purpose. As we said, it is acceptable, but not necessary. Also, try not to be that guy that puts his sunglasses on in the bar after a few fratwaters. If you do it once to be funny, no harm done. If you do it every Friday night, realize that you are not in Hollywood and leave them at home if you don’t trust your own ability to keep them off your face. Of course, flipping your sunglasses around during the day when you enter a building is always acceptable in any situation that doesn’t meet one of the exceptions noted above.
In conclusion, it cannot be stressed enough that sunglasses are an absolutely vital part of the fratty wardrobe. The slight effort it takes to abide by the rules laid out in this lesson can help make a huge deposition in your frat account. It can cause your frat gland to stand up after a long night of fratting and starting pumping out fratosterone just as it was the night before. Wear them proud, and frat them hard.
You’ve just sold the books you never opened back to the university for beer money. Your sorostitute of choice is sporting constant tan lines. The weather’s heating up, and school has wound down…but just because you are no longer in class doesn’t mean that you should decrease your fratty activities a bit. In fact, the summer provides opportunities to frat hard that don’t come around any other time of year. In this lesson, we will discuss several options that you should explore in order to assure that the summer air will be filled with fratitude.
Beach: Nothing even needs to be said here…the beach affords many opportunities to frat hard, bronze, drink copious amounts of frat water, and observe bikinized sorostitutes in their natural habitat. All of our suggestions for spring break apply during the summer as well.
Overseas Vacation: Is going to the beach too pedestrian to an advanced fratter like you? Well, then try a beach in France. Overseas vacations can provide a multitude of chances to give your frat gland a strenuous workout. For one, you get a chance to meet other top notch fratdaddies and sorostitutes who spend their holiday across the pond. Next, you will get to sample foods and drinks that you can only find copies of here in America. Keep in mind, Germany is the home of the world’s finest frat water. If you want to truly blow those around you out of the fratsmosphere, head to Italy and show off the wine knowledge you acquired after reading our Fratty Activities 301 lesson on wine tasting.
Rush Parties: If you leave campus for the summer, you have to be sure to get back in time to attend the events that start the process of grooming the fratdaddies of tomorrow. I’m speaking of course of the time honored rush party, where, in the words of David Wooderson, “I keep getting older, and the rushee girls just stay the same age.” She has to learn about shacking from someone..it might as well be you.
The Obvious: Some summer activities need no introduction or explanation. You should get in as much of the following as possible: golfing, tennis, boating, deep sea fishing, drinking, shacking, and other such normal fratty activities.
In short, you should do all the things you usually do, while using your new found free time to take fratting hard to the next level. They say that the human body’s muscles grow the most during your sleep. Summer is the “sleep” that can make your frat gland look like it’s on human growth hormone.
Whether you’re a pledge, an active, or an experienced post-grad fratter, every fratdaddy needs an ample collection of fratty neckties. During your undergraduate days, they are a key part of your cocktail, formal, and gameday attire. As a successful businessman, you may need to wear one to the office almost every day. However, like other parts of fratty attire, there are some do’s and don’ts that must be heeded to ensure that this small strip of fabric accentuates, and does not destroy, your formal fratitude. We will explore three categories of ties: classics, regionals, and those to be avoided at all costs.
Classics
Above is pictured selections from Ben Silver (left) and Brooks Brothers (right). These classic diagonal striped ties are the base of the fratty tie foundation, and have been for time immemorial. In fact, our records here at the Institute of Fratology (which stretch back well before any of our births) do not even go back far enough to see exactly how long the diagonal striped die has been sported by fratdaddies. Their conservative design and ample color combinations can match practically any high end suit. Simply put, as long as you don’t choose such a tie that is bright silver with purple stripes (which you will have no trouble with if you stick to the better traditional fratdaddy clothiers), it’s hard to go wrong with this selection.
These ties can be worn on almost any occasion, including, but not limited to, gameday, job interviews, to the office, formals, cocktails, weddings, funerals, church, and post-election galas.
Regionals
These are a more recent addition to the fratty attire landscape, but have quickly found a place on the tie racks of many fratdaddies across the country. Pictured above are two good examples of selections from regional tie makers: Southern Proper (out of Atlanta) and Nola Couture (out of New Orleans). With football season almost upon us, we would be remiss not to mention Southern Proper’s collection of gameday ties featuring conservative prints representing individual college mascots.
However, gameday is not the only time these ties can be worn. In fact, these ties are acceptable at any undergrad event or less formal post-grad event. We would forego wearing these ties to a job interview; however, once you land a place at your job of course, they’re great for pumping up the fratmosphere of your office on a Friday. They should never force the classics out of your collection, but should help to create a well-rounded necktie arsenal. Needless to say, regional ties are also a great way of showing the world that you’re proud of where you came from.
Ties of Terror
Unfortunately, there are many neckties on the market which have absolutely no business in any fratdaddy’s closet. Take for example, the Jerry Garcia Collection ties pictured below.
Even if you are a huge fan of the Grateful Dead, they belong in your CD player and not around your throat. You should never wear a tie that looks like someone threw up on it before you even get to a function where someone may possibly throw up on it. Also forbidden are any “novelty ties”, such as the Tabasco Hot Sauce variety pictured below.
As a fratdaddy, you should constantly tailor your outfit to exude class and confidence. Wearing the free tie that came packaged with your bottle of hot sauce does neither. No fratdaddy should look like a walking billboard. Finally, we present a tie that is a perfect example of two fratty faux pas: the seasonal tie that also features a freakin’ cartoon character.
Believe us friends, your Professors of Fratology do not post this picture in jest; we’ve actually seen people wear these ties in fratty situations. Needless to say, we were almost overcome by the black hole of negative fratitude that enveloped the room. First of all, beyond ties that you get specifically for gameday, seasonal ties are not acceptable. If you want to get in the Christmas spirit at your Christmas cocktail, send up a toast to St. Nick with your glass of Glenlivet on the rocks. Leave the tie with a picture of Rudolph at home. Actually, such a monstrosity should not even be at your home. As for the cartoon character, if we have to explain this to you, realize that you’re having a mid-frat crisis and go back and study Fratting 101: Lessons 1-13.
We hope this lesson will be of help to you the next time you make a necktie purpose. This part of the fratdaddy’s attire may seem insignificant to some, but in fact it is a vital part of the overall fratty wardrobe. Stock up on the do’s, stay away from the don’ts, and your tie rack will become another shining example of your ever-expanding fratitude.
Sometimes, a fratty good time means just you, a couple of pledge brothers, and some sorostitutes kicking back on the fratio with a cooler and a grill. Other times, it means 65 freshmen sorostitutes wearing togas with a a liquored up fraternity pledge class waiting on them. We speak of course, of one of the most commonly held parties in the fratmosphere: the swap/mixer.
The premise behind this party is simple: the fraternity, sometimes in conjunction with the sorority, will choose a theme. The pledge classes from each respective house will dress up according to that theme. On the night of the party, members of each pledge class are “introduced” to their dates, and the party begins. Often, these themes need no choosing, but rather are long standing traditions between certain fraternities and sororities.
Pledges are often at a loss when they try to decide what to wear. Therefore, we, as caring actives, need to help them along with choosing an effective costume. In our study of pledges, we have found this fact to be tried and true: pledges LOVE to be clothed in the most embarrassing costume you can think of. If they don’t think they can pull off the assigned costume using items from their own closets, send them to the local thrift store, which can often be a valuable source of swap night clothing.
Traditionally, swaps/mixers occur on weeknights. During football season, they are a key part of the party schedule leading to gameday. If the swap/mixer is held on Thursday, it can be a great and relaxing way to kick off the game weekend for those fratdaddies who made sure that they would be free of Friday classes.
The first step to a successful swap/mixer is the effective pre-party. This is the time when pledges can often interact most with actives in an environment like they will enjoy once they are initiated. Needless to say, many fratdaddies and sorostitutes find this to be a prime opportunity for the consumption of many fine fratwaters.
Once the pledges have been paired off, the active fratdaddy’s night presents several key fratting hard opportunities. For one, sorostitute pledge classes are often much larger than their fraternity equivalents. At the same time, there is nothing that a freshman sorostitute loves better than an older fratdaddy. Don’t be afraid to go and talk to a costumed young lady that catches your eye. This can also be an opportunity to mingle with the actives in the sorority in an environment other than the normal band party or bar. A normal night’s plan A may be a plan B or C on this evening.
In the early hours of the morning, when the swap/mixer starts dying down, you should consider taking the party to the bar or to a house. Even better, think about taking it to a bar, and then back to a house. You will often come out of the evening with a great gameday date, future shacking opportunity, or wife. We know numerous post-grad fratdaddies who met their eventual sorostitute of choice at just such a function.
The swap/mixer is the first cog in the wheel that gets optimum fratitude rolling all the way through the game weekend. A successful swap/mixer gives your entire house the chance to make every weekend fratmosphere better than the last. The best thing is that this isn’t a hard thing to do; it’s difficult not to frat hard when you have a house full of freshmen sorostitutes dressed like Catholic schoolgirls.
There are some parts of the fratty lifestyle, and college life in general, which transcend both time and tradition, and are such inexplicably huge fratting opportunities that they must be completely taken advantage of by any self-respecting fratdaddy or sorostitute. Tonight, there begins an almost 5 month long period that is, effectively, the Holy Months of Fratology. We speak, of course, of college football season. However, with great opportunity comes great responsibility. Any gel-encrusted GDI can grab a student ticket, throw on 7 different kinds of school-colored flage, and go to a game. You must be better than this. You must make game weekends the time when you put every fratty principle that you learn through the rest of the year to work. These are, if you will, the final exams of fratty education.
The Weekend Begins
Reasonable minds can disagree on when the game weekend exactly begins; however, for the purposes of brevity and clarity, we will assume that the game weekend starts on the night of the swap/mixer. This is the symbolic beginning of a several day period where the frat gland must be pumping fratdrenaline faster than you pump premium gasoline into your V8 Frathoe. We understand that it may be hard to prep for the weekend when you have troublesome classes grabbing your attention. All we can say about this is, “Do what you need to do.”
The Date
One of the saddest sights you can see is a brother or a pledge on gameday that doesn’t have a date to the game. This is almost as bad as seeing one of your pledge brothers in his brand new Hollister Cargo pants and new bleached haircut, riding his Segway across campus while jamming out to Linkin Park on his Ipod. Yes, it is that vital that you secure a date to the football game. There are several reasons why the gameday date is so important. The gameday date provides a conduit between you and other fratty game weekend activities. First, it provides sorostitute companionship at the Friday night pre-party dinner. Second, it ensures you of a date at the band party, and also gives you a liaison to that sorostitute’s house to ensure that many of their sisters will choose your house’s band party over others. The danger to this, of course, occurs when she comes with, and thus will be pressured to leave with, her pledge sisters. Circumvent this danger by picking her up yourself separately while having a pledge pick up the rest of the girls. This prevents later problems, and often provides information about the pledge that is given to you by the sorostitutes that he carried. This date will also carry over to the bars after the band party, and inevitably presents a prime shacking opportunity (note: your gameday date is your plan A, but the band party should have given you ample time to also scope out and prepare a plan B). The next morning, your sorostitute will be delighted to know that no breakfast will be required. Provide her with a pledge to take her back to her house to get ready, and then meet back up with her when it’s time for the pre-game lunch at her sorority house. Often, you will then meet the sorostitute’s parents; trust us when we say that the handshake between you and her father will grant you a feeling of outright victory.
Sports Gaming
One popular game weekend activity for fratdaddies across the country is sports gaming. While FrattingHard.com does not support illegal activity, we are aware that this is a widespread practice among fratdaddies. You can think of this as another form of frattabbing, albeit with a potential for a return on your investment. There’s nothing like hitting the Thursday night favorite and the over and instantly having an extra $500 in your frattab fund for the weekend. It’s also slightly amusing to watch your pledge brother in tears of joy because he breaks even when Brett Favre puts in another spectacular Monday night performance.
The Friday of Game Week
Although there are many parts of game week that make such time unique, you should not neglect your normal fratty Friday customs, either. At many frattier schools, there is much emotion riding on every win and loss. We recommend offsetting this stress with 18 holes on Friday afternoon. After a round on the links, head back to the Frat Castle to get ready and go pick up your date for dinner.
Dinner
We are big proponents of the Friday night pre-game dinner. This should be a time when you exhibit the full range of your frattabbing potential. These dinners should be as big an event as you can possibly make them: the more fratdaddies and sorostitutes, the better. If you don’t want to take this to a restaurant, this is also an excellent time to head to the fratio for a game week cookout. There is little in life that is frattier than a fratio full of sorostitutes, the Friday night WAC vs. Sun Belt game on the big screen, and plenty of frat water to go around. Keep in mind, however, that this is the beginning of the end for frat water on the weekend. Some time during dinner should be the point at which you begin the time honored tradition of the consumption of the official fratdaddy football concoction: bourbon and coke.
The Band Party
After dinner, you will begin your pre-drinking for the band party. The party itself will rarely get fully cranked up before midnight. When the band party is at its maximum, however, you should be ready to crank up your fratitude and enjoy this event in a way that the GDI’s down at the coffee shop can’t even begin to understand. We’re not going to give you a play by play about what you need to do at the band party; we’re confident that if you’re reading this site, you are already that far along in your fratty education. We will, however, give you the outcomes of a successful band party night. It involves you, with your Brooks Brothers shirt splashed with bourbon, dancing with your game date (who is in the top 10% of sorostitutes in the room), while the band is playing any number of fratty selections. After the band party, much like after the swap/mixer, the party should move to the bars and to the inevitable shacking that will occur.
The Morning of Game Day
This should be a simple, relaxing, but again extraordinarily fratty time. The sorostitute leaves to get ready (as we said above, a pledge taxi is the proper method for her to get back to her house). Many fratdaddies’ parents are alumni of their school, and thus many return for gameday. If this is the case, you and your parents will meet up with your sorostitute of choice for lunch at the sorority house. After this, the parents will most likely go to their own get togethers with their pledge brothers/sisters and you and your sorostitute will move to your tailgating destination. This may include the Frat Castle, the home of a pledge brother who lives close to the stadium, or an actual tailgate. Here, there are three important fratty factors: other football games on in the background, more grilling out, and, of course, much pre-gaming.
At the Game
Many fratdaddies do not leave the party at the tailgate. We are continually amazed at the new and innovative ways that industrious fratdaddies and sorostitutes utilize to sneak their libation of choice into the stadium. However, pace yourself, as there’s nothing fratty about having to be carried out at the end of the first quarter. There’s also nothing fratty about being the guy that has no idea what’s going on during the game. At frattier schools, even sorostitutes know about the game of football, and you should not hesitate to get rowdy in your support of the team. Keep in mind: if they make it to a bowl, that’s another game week for you to frat hard as described above.
Post Game
After the game, there are several different courses of action that you could choose. The first of these is a simple “post game tailgate” that happens much like the tailgate before the game. Going to the bars is another option; this is especially enjoyable after a big victory. Some houses will also have a Saturday night band party on big game weekends. If this is the case, you should go to the band party, and then to the bars.
Sunday Morning Coming Down
Do not think of Sunday morning as the end of the current game week; think of it as the beginning of the game week to come. There’s no better way to wrap up the week gone by, however, than by enjoying a nice sorostitute-produced breakfast, followed by a trip to church for whatever confessions you feel you need to make, followed by sitting in front of the big screen for the rest of the day watching the numerous NFL match-ups.
If you follow this guide, let us warn you: you may be disturbed to find that you are causing head explosions to mass numbers of GDI’s who were thought to be out of the range of the Atom Bomb of Fratitude that you just dropped on game week. While they’re still scrubbing off their body paint from gameday, you will already be prepping for another fratty game week…this one even frattier than the last.
Note: Although this is designated as a 101 class, special problems in the area of shacking will be explored which can sometimes be troublesome even for advanced fratters. We hope that this guide will assist you in making quality shacking decisions and sending the percentage of your Plan A successes through the roof.
Classes of Shackers
Some shackers may fall into more than one of the categories below as you go up the shacking continuum. I.e. all permashackers are girlfriend shackers, but not all girlfriend shackers are necessarily permashackers.
Random Shacker – The most basic class. This is the sorostitute whose name you did not know the night you met her, and probably don’t know the morning after. Primarily identified and secured through her own incentive, as many random shackers identify fratdaddies fratting the hardest and make themselves available to said fratdaddies. If you are too drunktaneous, we recommend getting a second opinion from a trusted pledge brother before securing a random shacker that graded out any lower than a plan B during initial evaluation. May later become any of the higher classes, based on attractiveness, quality of sorority, and breakfast making skills.
Repeat Shacker – Sorostitute with whom you are not in an exclusive relationship, but has shacked or is available to shack multiple times. Distinguished from emergency shacker because the fratdaddy himself actively desires multiple shacking opportunities. Usually the last step before becoming girlfriend shacker.
Emergency Shacker – Sorostitute, usually with low self-esteem, who may be called into emergency shacking duty when all other plans have failed. Not a shacker whom fratdaddy begins the night desiring, the emergency shacker is the backup plan when all other acceptable plans have failed. The best emergency shackers are “but for” sorostitutes. I.e. She would be a Plan A or Plan B, but for her association with a lower tier sorority. Often willing to drive herself to the Frat Castle when called and usually willing to pick up a sack of Krystals for you on the way. Warning: if your emergency shacker would normally be lower than a Plan C, Krystals bag may be empty when she arrives.
Non-Native Shacker – Shacker from another university, or at least from another city. Most often are sorostitutes in town visiting friends from home or for major sporting events. Useful due to the lack of a need to deal with them after the weekend is over. Also helps you achieve a modicum of revenge if your school ends up losing said major event. If your non-native shacker works out well, she could become an annual shacker (non-native shacker that you shack with once every football season).
High School Shacker – I swear your honor, she told me she was 18.
Frat-Potato Shacker – See Dictionary. She’s staying at your frat castle; with whom? To be determined. At the Frat Castle so much that your kitchen staff knows how she likes her eggs. Often also fall under the class of emergency shacker.
Girlfriend Shacker – Sorostitute with whom you are in an exclusive relationship and stays at your Frat Castle, apartment, or house less than 50% of the time. Although the percentage of nights stayed is instructive in identifying a girlfriend shacker and differentiating her from a permashacker, the true test is the amount of clothes and personal products she keeps at your residence. The girlfriend shacker will often consciously keep few personal products & clothing items at her fratdaddy’s residence in an attempt to avoid becoming a permashacker. Despite this, a high percentage eventually become permashackers.
Permashacker – A sorostitute with which you are in a long term relationship, and thus sleeps at your apartment, house, or fratcastle more than she sleeps at her own sorority house. Has to actually make plans to sleep at the sorority house because she doesn’t even have a toothbrush there. Enjoys activities such as doing your laundry, washing your dishes, and helping you out in the shower. Biggest downside? Need to purchase at least twice the amount of toilet paper you used before she took up residence with you. Also may require the purchase of a shower caddy to accommodate her mind numbing assortment of hair products. This situation may also find you purchasing feminine hygiene products on request during routine beer runs.
The Plan System
Plan A: Your top choice. A very attractive sorostitute from a top tier sorority. If she becomes a permashacker, her dad has a job waiting for you at the firm.
Plan B: You could not secure your Plan A, but you still end up with someone you can brag about at dinner the next night.
Plan C: It won’t be necessary for you to try to sneak out her window before she wakes up, but neither will it be appropriate for you to brag about her to your brothers.
NOTE: The advanced frat daddy, practicing well established and sound principles of fratting hard should never have to resort to any of the following plans.
Plan D: Arguably a step above masturbation. Will make you want to go to confession, even if you’re not Catholic. May not want to tell her your real name. Never resort to this any faster than 30 minutes before closing time. Upside: you can make her walk home, and let’s face it, she probably needs the exercise.
Plan X: May get you balled from your fraternity. Horrible shacking choice, but has potential to play defensive tackle for the football team next year. Upside: you won’t lose a shack shirt because she can’t fit into any of your clothes. Downside: any snack foods in your room will be gone if she wakes up before you. Actually shacking with a Plan X may require purchase of a new mattress and possibly group therapy.
In our first Problems in Advance Shacking lecture, we looked at the different classes of shackers, as well as the tried and true rating system by which all shackers are classified. Moving on, we will now proceed to specific problems that you may encounter during the shacking process, and will examine the possible solutions to these difficult situations.
Thinning the Herd
Think, if you will, of one of those shows on the Animal Channel that shows a lion stalking a herd of gazelles, picking out the sick, weak one, and then then pouncing on it after it has been singled out. This is analogous to taking home a Plan A that is at the bar with a large group of her sorority sisters, with one exception: instead of picking out the gazelle with three legs, you’re trying to pick off the pick of the litter. The problem here is complex. First of all, many sorostitutes, when in such a group, don’t want to be labeled as the one that ended up going home with a fratdaddy. This may draw her some condemnation from the rest of the group, especially if they are unsuccessful in finding a fratdaddy of their own. Even more troublesome is the propensity of some sorostitutes to make a pre-bar agreement to “go together, leave together.” Although this is a problem, it can be overcome.
The key to this problem is to send the “herd” running in separate directions. While your Plan A may be hesitant to leave the bar with you to go straight to the frat castle, she will be more receptive to leave with you to go to another bar. When this method is applied, the group will often thin, if not evaporate entirely. Her sisters will not be able to tell her that she shouldn’t move on to another bar without sounding like GDI’s, and she will have a proper excuse for no longer being with the larger group. After a short stint at bar #2, the evening’s shacking activities can commence. We recommend the execution of this method at such a time in the evening where bar #2 will be closing shortly after you get there, thus avoiding the need to entertain your choice by yourself for an extended period of time.
The Albatross
As much as a problem as a group of sorostitutes can be, they are not nearly as dangerous to your efforts as the young lady known as “The Albatross.” This is the sister who routinely fails to secure a fratdaddy at the bar and is going back to the sorority house…and she wants to take your Plan A with her. She insists on your sorostitute coming along to drive her back, or or even worse, insists on you driving BOTH of them back, at which point she will do all she can to ensure that you pull away from the sorority house alone (the worst of these will expect you to take them through the Taco Bell drive-through on the way back…which is indicative of why they often fail to be a Plan A themselves).
The ideal way to deal with The Albatross is to have that very special pledge brother with you who is always willing to fall on the grenade. This is often the guy who, within an hour of arriving, is so drunktaneous that, to him, every albatross looks like a swan. If you are able to pawn off your problem sorostitute on this noble hero, then you will have clear sailing with your choice of the night.
If this is not an option, your best bet is to ensure that you are never dealt out of the hand; if she wants a ride back, you drive. When you drop them her off, make sure you have a ready excuse for why your sorostitute cannot leave yet. This could be that you’re going back out, going to get food, or some other seemingly valid reason to extend the evening. Remember: if you have done your job as a quality fratdaddy, the sorostitute will WANT to stay with you, and will assist you in disposing of your “problem.”
The Blast From the Past
This is a problem that you want to have: upon entering the bar, you see your Plan B from last week. She wasn’t a bad choice, but you know that you can frat harder, and soon you have all but secured your evening’s Plan A. But wait…Plan B has spotted you, and is coming back for more. The problem is obvious: having another girl doing her best to earn your attention may sincerely hinder your efforts at sealing the deal with the sorostitute you really want to be with.
While you don’t want to show too much attention to Old News, you don’t want to burn that bridge, either. The best course of action is to speak only if spoken to, and always have a ready excuse for why you can’t hang around to chat. Use other people you know in the bar as a reason to move away from the Plan B when needed, and pay special attention to focusing the brunt of your efforts on the Plan A to ensure that she does not feel neglected.
Valentine’s Day. It happens once a year and typically it makes fratdaddies cringe at the thought of the abundance of extra effort required to keep a sorostitute of choice pleased and content. However, your professors see Valentine Day’s as an optimal opportunity to increase your fratitude while surviving to receive plenty of future shacking occurrences. This lecture is divided into two parts. The first concerns pleasing your sorostitute of choice on this once believed to be dreadful day. The second part addresses fratting hard even though you have not designated a sorostitute as of choice.
Part I: Do It the Fratty Way
Planning for February 14th typically happens long before the day arrives. Step one, and perhaps most importantly, flowers must be sent to your sorostitute’s residence/workplace. Remember, you must give numerous flowers in order to receive one on Valentine’s Day. Ideally, a thoughtful card and possibly a box of chocolates will accompany the flowers. If you are not the romantic type, find someone who is to help you write the card. Make sure that you are honest with your feelings without being overly sappy; if she wanted to date a woman, she could be doing that via a “pillow fight” at the sorority house. Step two, reservations for an upscale dinner must be scheduled. If you follow this one rule of frat, you will succeed in the dinner planning: If it does not have a dress code, you should not go. Sometimes fratdaddies fratcrastinate and wait until the last minute to get reservations at a fine dining establishment, and are therefore turned down. There is no need to panic. In college towns, most of the hostesses at restaurants are college students on college student budgets, which makes them easily bribed. If this doesn’t work, you may frattab in a different way by hiring a chef to prepare a gourmet dinner for the two of you at your residence. Step three, the main gift is the final roadblock between the night desired and the search to find Plan B’s. If you have remotely paid attention, you will know what to buy. If those brain cells were not functioning, perfume can be your saving grace. By following these steps, you can ensure that you will be spooning with something other than a pillow the next morning.
Part II: No Obligations, Just Opportunities
Not having a sorostitute of choice on Valentine’s Day could be the best thing that ever happened to you. The frat account still has not been tapped and no effort was exerted. Instead of planning your normal fratty Thursday night out, take advantage of all the Plans that wished they had a Valentine. Well in advance, identify a single Plan A. Then, read Part I and frategically plan which steps need to be completed to cause Plan A to crave you being her fratdaddy of choice. Chances are that step two and a significantly scaled down step three will be sufficient. Therefore, you have turned a night of possible douchebaggery into a night of extreme frattiness.
There are many aspects of the fratty lifestyle that GDI’s don’t, and can’t, understand. Their old, tired whine of, “being in a fraternity/sorority is just buying friends,” is an illustration of their fundamental inability to comprehend the nuances that float through the fratmosphere and make the Greek community the elite cornerstone of the college campus. Certain unique experiences inure themselves to fratdaddies naturally and effortlessly, while a GDI couldn’t trade all the Pokemon cards in the world for any experience similar.
One of these experiences…and it’s one that is honored and vital to the development of the fratty lifestyle over time…is living in the fraternity house. Mr. Douchebag, I see you out there, reading this paragraph and saying, “Living in a frat house is no different than living in a dorm.” First, Mr. Douchebag, take off that ridiculous Tap Out hat. You’re 120 lbs. and had to drop “Coaching Tennis 102″ because your physician said you bruise too easily. Second, living in a frat castle is so far removed from living in a dorm that only the simplest of minds would make a parallel between the two.
Living in the fraternity house has many advantages. First of all, you will never be wanting for a party…the party literally comes to you. We need not go into planned band parties, swaps, and the like; we all know what those are and the virtues they hold. The great thing about fraternity house living, though, is the random Tuesday night gatherings that start with 3 of your brothers inviting some girls over to enjoy some fratwater and watch some TV, and ends with 120 people, 5 handles, multiple cases, and someone to run out in the morning to get you a chicken biscuit. When you’re living in the fratcastle, you need only step outside of your room to take full advantage of these opportunities.
Of course, there are some downsides. Many fratdaddies would prefer to live in a situation, such as an apartment, condo, or private house, where they have more privacy. Many fratcastles feature bathrooms with several stalls, showers in a line with differing levels of coverage, etc. These aren’t all bad, however. There’s nothing like starting the day at a healthy 10 AM when you go to the bathroom to drain the whiskey from the night before and catch a shave, and there’s a fratpotato in the shower who needs some assistance washing some of those hard to reach areas. Yes, you should be glad to help. Yes, you can also send HER out to get you a chicken biscuit. However, etiquette holds that you should instruct her to bring whatever fratdaddy she shacked with some breakfast as well. The bathroom is also a place where you may find yourself pressed into unwanted responsibilities. For some reason, the soothing sound of the toilet process is hypnotic to the most drunktaneous of fratdaddies, and you may find your brothers passed out on the bathroom floor on occasion. Remember to quickly carry/help him to his room, and leave a polite note on his face informing him of his questionable paternity.
Speaking of breakfast, one of the greatest aspects of living in the fraternity house is the food. Well…let me rephrase that…it’s the availability of food. Having your meals cooked for you as soon as you walk in the door is a plus, even if the food is, in some houses, of questionable quality. Your professors have sampled many sorority house meals over the years, and we can unequivocally say that the ladies have better grub than we gentlemen do, but you take what you can get. If you are displeased with a certain meal you are having on a certain day, pull out your fratberry and invite a sorostitute to come eat lunch with you. This may seem counterintuitive, but do it and watch the magic of the female brain unfold. Knowing that your fraternity food is inferior than hers, but not wanting to decline an invitation from a respected fratdaddy, she will say that you should come to her house for lunch instead because it’s (insert food she likes) Day at Sorostitute Manor. Bingo…your reverse psychology has netted you free, quality lunch at a sorority house.
Within the fraternity house, your room is your sanctuary. It’s where you sleep, where you shack, and where you would theoretically study had you bought books this semester. Be sure to have it fully stocked with all the necessities of college life: snacks, “safety devices”, fratwater, and at least a little higher quality libation for those times when a private party spills over from the greater party going on elsewhere in the fratcastle. Do not be the person on the hall whose room emits a stench that hinders the shacking opportunities of your neighbors…wash dirty clothes and your sheets on occasion. If you have a sorostitute of choice, she will often be willing to perform these functions…not out of servitude, but out of fear for her own health and safety. Of course, your room should always be spic and span during the course of your house’s pledgeship.
These are just a few helpful tips on fratcastle living. The greatest tip of all, however, is this: do not let your college years pass you by without living in the fratcastle for at least a year. The experiences you gain therein will be equal to any of the greatest moments of your colleges career. We hope you are able to remember a good many of them.
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