FrattingHard.com

There are many aspects of the fratty lifestyle that GDI’s don’t, and can’t, understand.  Their old, tired whine of, “being in a fraternity/sorority is just buying friends,” is an illustration of their fundamental inability to comprehend the nuances that float through the fratmosphere and make the Greek community the elite cornerstone of the college campus.  Certain unique experiences inure themselves to fratdaddies naturally and effortlessly, while a GDI couldn’t trade all the Pokemon cards in the world for any experience similar.

One of these experiences…and it’s one that is honored and vital to the development of the fratty lifestyle over time…is living in the fraternity house.  Mr. Douchebag, I see you out there, reading this paragraph and saying, “Living in a frat house is no different than living in a dorm.”  First, Mr. Douchebag, take off that ridiculous Tap Out hat.  You’re 120 lbs. and had to drop “Coaching Tennis 102″ because your physician said you bruise too easily.  Second, living in a frat castle is so far removed from living in a dorm that only the simplest of minds would make a parallel between the two.

Living in the fraternity house has many advantages.  First of all, you will never be wanting for a party…the party literally comes to you.  We need not go into planned band parties, swaps, and the like; we all know what those are and the virtues they hold.  The great thing about fraternity house living, though, is the random Tuesday night gatherings that start with 3 of your brothers inviting some girls over to enjoy some fratwater and watch some TV, and ends with 120 people, 5 handles, multiple cases, and someone to run out in the morning to get you a chicken biscuit.  When you’re living in the fratcastle, you need only step outside of your room to take full advantage of these opportunities.

Of course, there are some downsides.  Many fratdaddies would prefer to live in a situation, such as an apartment, condo, or private house, where they have more privacy.  Many fratcastles feature bathrooms with several stalls, showers in a line with differing levels of coverage, etc.  These aren’t all bad, however.  There’s nothing like starting the day at a healthy 10 AM when you go to the bathroom to drain the whiskey from the night before and catch a shave, and there’s a fratpotato in the shower who needs some assistance washing some of those hard to reach areas.  Yes, you should be glad to help.  Yes, you can also send HER out to get you a chicken biscuit.  However, etiquette holds that you should instruct her to bring whatever fratdaddy she shacked with some breakfast as well.   The bathroom is also a place where you may find yourself pressed into unwanted responsibilities.  For some reason, the soothing sound of the toilet process is hypnotic to the most drunktaneous of fratdaddies, and you may find your brothers passed out on the bathroom floor on occasion.  Remember to quickly carry/help him to his room, and leave a polite note on his face informing him of his questionable paternity.

Speaking of breakfast, one of the greatest aspects of living in the fraternity house is the food.  Well…let me rephrase that…it’s the availability of food.  Having your meals cooked for you as soon as you walk in the door is a plus, even if the food is, in some houses, of questionable quality.  Your professors have sampled many sorority house meals over the years, and we can unequivocally say that the ladies have better grub than we gentlemen do, but you take what you can get.  If you are displeased with a certain meal you are having on a certain day, pull out your fratberry and invite a sorostitute to come eat lunch with you.  This may seem counterintuitive, but do it and watch the magic of the female brain unfold.  Knowing that your fraternity food is inferior than hers, but not wanting to decline an invitation from a respected fratdaddy, she will say that you should come to her house for lunch instead because it’s (insert food she likes) Day at Sorostitute Manor.  Bingo…your reverse psychology has netted you free, quality lunch at a sorority house.

Within the fraternity house, your room is your sanctuary.  It’s where you sleep, where you shack, and where you would theoretically study had you bought books this semester.  Be sure to have it fully stocked with all the necessities of college life:  snacks, “safety devices”, fratwater, and at least a little higher quality libation for those times when a private party spills over from the greater party going on elsewhere in the fratcastle.  Do not be the person on the hall whose room emits a stench that hinders the shacking opportunities of your neighbors…wash  dirty clothes and your sheets on occasion.  If you have a sorostitute of choice, she will often be willing to perform these functions…not out of servitude, but out of fear for her own health and safety.  Of course, your room should always be spic and span during the course of your house’s pledgeship.

These are just a few helpful tips on fratcastle living.  The greatest tip of all, however, is this:  do not let your college years pass you by without living in the fratcastle for at least a year.  The experiences you gain therein will be equal to any of the greatest moments of your colleges career.  We hope you are able to remember a good many of them.

Popularity: 28% [?]

It should be fairly clear as to why luxury vehicles have a place in our fratty vehicles countdown. Everyone knows that on a college campus, nothing says, “my family can buy and sell your family,” like one of the finer luxury automobiles. For this countdown, we decided to group a large collection of luxury vehicles together because there is not much of a fratological difference between an Audi, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Infiniti, Lexus, etc. We are mainly discussing vehicles manufactured by companies that our government does not have an equity stake in; therefore, a fully loaded Buick Rendezvous or similar vehicle is not part of this countdown.

This entry also does not include a couple of different types of vehicles that are indeed fratty, but are not practical to the typical undergraduate fratter. First, large luxury SUV’s, such as the Lexus LX 470, are post-grad fratty. These are used to haul fratlings, not pledges. That is why God created the Frathoe. You can graduate to the luxury level after you walk across the stage, get a ring on your finger, and/or have one cooking in the oven. Next, vehicles that are at the top of the line or exotics, such as the Mercedes-Benz S600, BMW 7-Series, Ferrari’s, Bentley’s, etc., are for successful post-grad fratters. In the frat life, you should go through the hierarchy of vehicles, not just hop in a Ferrari at age sixteen. Again, that does not mean those vehicles are not fratty. There is just a time and place for them after fratting hard as an undergraduate.

That leads us to what is included in this fratty countdown. The two primary categories are fratty luxury cars and fratty luxury SUV’s. Cars are acceptable for fratdaddies and sorostitutes. However, the SUV’s are only for sorostitutes. No fratdaddy should be making frat laps in an M-Class; this is not because the car is inherently not fratty, but rather reflects the fact that there are frattier (and more utilitarian) SUV choices for the fratdaddy. Obviously, a Frathoe is better for hauling the boat and “camping” trips than a BMW.

These vehicles are fratty for several reasons, with the first obviously being the luxury aspect. There is nothing like using heated seats to “toast your buns” on the way home from the bar and using the factory GPS system so you can actually find your way home from the bar. Also, the price tags of these vehicles, while not the most expensive, still prices out GDI’s and reminds them that they are too poor to be frat everytime they see one on campus. Finally, these vehicles carry almost instant frat credibility. If you spot someone behind the wheel of a vehicle in this countdown, then you do not have to wonder, “if they are in a fraternity or sorority,” but “what fraternity or sorority.” In conclusion, if you want to frat hard on wheels, then you cannot go GDI with one of the vehicles that would qualify under this countdown.

Popularity: 75% [?]

Popularity: 21% [?]

Most Frequented Website:
Frat: Frataddy’s team specific Rivals.com site (and, of course, frattinghard.com)
GDI: http://www.fanfiction.net/game/Warcraft/

Favorite YouTube Video:
Frat: Football team highlight videos from previous season
GDI:

Most Recently Posted Facebook Photo Album:
Frat: None, but tagged repeatedly in sorostitutes’ “My Drunktaneous Formal” album
GDI: “My Trip to the Cleveland Star Wars Convention”

Most Recent Twitter Post:
Frat:  Large reward for whoever finds where I parked my Frathoe last night
GDI:  Small reward for whoever finds my custom Klingon ultimate frisbee

In Class, I Use My Laptop To:
Frat:  Analyze upcoming sporting events to decide best wagering strategy
GDI:  Use graphic calculator function to determine probability of remaining a virgin until death

Popularity: 56% [?]

Fratteries – Noun: The innate inner drive that fuels every fratdaddy to frat hard for far longer, and far harder, than the human body should be able to sustain.

ex. I didn’t sleep from the start of the Thursday mixer until after the post-game band party Saturday, so I will probably skip class until next Thursday to recharge my fratteries.

Popularity: 25% [?]

“I guess dogs can be students of Fratology.”

* Special thanks to Mitch Sharrock of Baylor for submitting this photo *

Popularity: 37% [?]

Congratulations to Krista Robertson of Kentucky, the winner of the December 2009 Sorostitute of the Month Award. This “Plan A” sorostitute knows how to dress for a gameday in the SEC. Notice the pearls and sorority button. [Side note: Every sorostitute should have a (insert sorority) loves the (insert school nickname) button or sticker for gamedays. Also, every fratdaddy should wear his date's sorority sticker as well.] Krista would never participate in douchebaggery, such as wearing a jersey to game. If you are fortunate, you will one day have the opportunity to witness this “Plan A” fratting hard around the Kentucky campus. Congratulations again to Krista Robertson.

To be considered for the Fratdaddy or Sorostitute of the Month Award in the future, please see the contest rules posted at this link and this link.

* We are currently performing site maintenance to improve your Fratological education.  We hope to have the site fully operational again in the near future.  In the meantime, have a few fratwaters and review your old lessons. *

Popularity: unranked [?]

Popularity: unranked [?]

Congratulations to Trey “Hard” Spencer of Florida State, the winner of the November 2009 Fratdaddy of the Month Award.  He spends most of his days drinking fratwater and playing golf.   He spends most of his nights with Plan A sorostitutes.  His favorite activity is taking frat laps around campus and causing head explosions among the GDI community.  Congratulations again to Trey “Hard” Spencer.

To be considered for the Fratdaddy or Sorostitute of the Month Award in the future, please see the contest rules posted at this link and this link.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Back in the summertime, before abusing our livers throughout fourteen weeks of college football, we ran a website poll to determine what the next Institute of Fratology fratty countdown should be.  Fratty vehicles emerged as the victor, rising above such stiff competition as fratty star wars characters and fratty frisbees.  We begin our countdown with the fifth frattiest vehicle, the Ford Bronco.

You are probably asking yourself, “Ford Bronco?  WTF?”  Your initial knee-jerk interrogative would be understanding, but after a more in-depth analysis, you will realize why the Bronco is among the frattiest of vehicles.

Unlike the fratty vehicles to follow in this countdown, the Bronco does not have an aesthetically pleasing design, an expensive price tag, or the moxie to reel in a sorostitute on a frat lap.  What the Bronco does have is destructibility, meaning that you can tear it to pieces and nobody would care to see it go.  If you accidentally lose the Bronco after fratting a little to hard, accidentally total the Bronco after driving it through the Frat Castle, or accidentally blow up the Bronco during an afternoon of casual hazing, then you are only out a Kelly Blue Book retail value of $53.46, a/k/a one handle of Wild Turkey 101.

However, destructibility is not the only feature the Bronco has in its corner.  Government testing shows that the Bronco only gets 7 miles per gallon on the highway and 4 miles per gallon in the city.  That satisfies the Institute of Fratology requirement that a fratty sport utility vehicle must be under 8 miles per gallon because a fratdaddy needs every excuse possible to go to the gas station for more alcohol and tabacco products.

Finally, the Bronco has many pro-fratdaddy convenience features.  The bed can store 103 cases of your favorite adult beverages, mulitple pledges, or a black glove covered in blood.  So if you’re going to load up at the liquor store, head out for a night of debauchery, or try to outrun the LAPD, then the Ford Bronco is the fratty vehicle for you.

Popularity: unranked [?]