Helping Your School Frat Harder

We recently received a question from a reader about what to do when you attend a university that does not “traditionally have a strong Greek system”. It is an unfortunate, yet unquestioned, truth that some colleges and universities have Greek houses that are literally riddled with douchebaggery. It is important to note that this does NOT mean that there aren’t fratdaddies and sorostitutes at these places that frat as hard as anyone else; however, the ratio of fratting hard to going home is much closer at these colleges than any of us would wish it to be.

If you are at one of these colleges, the situation is not hopeless. In fact, there are some things that you, an individual fratdaddy or sorostitute, can do to boost the fratitude of your school. Remember these three important rules for increased university fratification:

1) Work from the inside out
2) Lead by example
3) Watch fratmosis at work

Work From the Inside Out and Lead By Example
These two rules are combined because they work very closely together. The most important thing that you can do to try to boost your school’s fratitude is personally fratting as hard as possible at all times. Logic dictates that when you frat hard, you will reap all the benefits that come along with doing so. Will those around you in your own house stand idly by while they watch this? Of course not; they will frat harder as well. Meanwhile, if you see members of your house douching so hard you smell the vinegar (which, unfortunately, does occasionally happen), take it upon yourself to show them the error of their ways. This may be done passively (”Do you want to go to Brooks Brothers and the liquor store?”) or actively (”Please come over here so I can rip that damn choker necklace off your throat.”)

Watch Fratmosis At Work
How will upping the fratitude in your house serve to upgrade the entire Greek system? It won’t be overnight, but eventually your system will improve by a system called fratmosis. Explained simply, when one or more houses are operating at a higher level of fratitude than other houses, the lower houses must either absorb the excess fratitude and frat harder or risk being completely overwhelmed and driven from the competitive fratmosphere. For example, if your house is having shot parties while another is sponsoring a PS3 tournament, where do you think the sorostitutes are going to be? This is what we fratty professors call “frat Darwinism”…the frattiest of the frat will distinguish themselves and survive, while natural selections will leave the unfratty with no home to go home to.