Fratty Countdowns: Fratty Vehicles #5

Back in the summertime, before abusing our livers throughout fourteen weeks of college football, we ran a website poll to determine what the next Institute of Fratology fratty countdown should be.  Fratty vehicles emerged as the victor, rising above such stiff competition as fratty star wars characters and fratty frisbees.  We begin our countdown with the fifth frattiest vehicle, the Ford Bronco.

You are probably asking yourself, “Ford Bronco?  WTF?”  Your initial knee-jerk interrogative would be understanding, but after a more in-depth analysis, you will realize why the Bronco is among the frattiest of vehicles.

Unlike the fratty vehicles to follow in this countdown, the Bronco does not have an aesthetically pleasing design, an expensive price tag, or the moxie to reel in a sorostitute on a frat lap.  What the Bronco does have is destructibility, meaning that you can tear it to pieces and nobody would care to see it go.  If you accidentally lose the Bronco after fratting a little to hard, accidentally total the Bronco after driving it through the Frat Castle, or accidentally blow up the Bronco during an afternoon of casual hazing, then you are only out a Kelly Blue Book retail value of $53.46, a/k/a one handle of Wild Turkey 101.

However, destructibility is not the only feature the Bronco has in its corner.  Government testing shows that the Bronco only gets 7 miles per gallon on the highway and 4 miles per gallon in the city.  That satisfies the Institute of Fratology requirement that a fratty sport utility vehicle must be under 8 miles per gallon because a fratdaddy needs every excuse possible to go to the gas station for more alcohol and tabacco products.

Finally, the Bronco has many pro-fratdaddy convenience features.  The bed can store 103 cases of your favorite adult beverages, mulitple pledges, or a black glove covered in blood.  So if you’re going to load up at the liquor store, head out for a night of debauchery, or try to outrun the LAPD, then the Ford Bronco is the fratty vehicle for you.

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