When you think about fratting hard, what activities come to mind? Going out to bars, parties at the house, shacking…all of these are staples of living the frat life. However, just like a profession, being an elite fratdaddy or sorostitute requires one to learn to constantly expand one’s horizons. Many professionals are required to attend “continuing education” programs to make sure that what they first learned about their job is not the end of what they know. Similarly, you should always be on ready and able to incorporate activities into your fratty repertoire that will enable you to frat at an even higher level. Up to this point, we have included lessons in Fratting 101 (which are introductory fratting lessons) and Post-Grad Fratting 501 (graduate level studies for those fratdaddies/sorostitutes with college degrees). Today is the first lesson in the class Fratty Activities 301; you now know a good bit about how to frat, and now it’s time to make fratting hard your major.
The first fratty activity we will explore is one that will benefit you not only in college, but for the rest of your life. Part of being a fratdaddy/sorostitute is learning how to enjoy the finer things in life. Although you should never set aside your love of frat water or bourbon and coke, you should also be knowledgeable about those alcoholic beverages that you will be imbibing in situations that are more formal than the average bar crawl or band party. We are speaking, of course, of the substance that wealthy individuals have been fratting since the start of civilization: wine.
How much do you know about wine? Any sorority pledge can go to the local grocery store, buy a box of Franzia, and take it to a band party to loosen up for a night of acting like a frat potato. However, this is not indicative of the wine knowledge you will need to truly impress those around you. When you go to a fine dining establishment, you don’t want to be the guy that embarrasses the table by ordering Yellow Tail with your steak and lobster. How do you avoid this faux pas? There’s only one way to make sure this never happens to you: become a true wine connoisseur.
The best way to learn about wines is to find a local establishment that offers periodic wine tastings. These can be found at wine stores, restaurants, country clubs, or other fratty environments. The benefits of wine tastings are multiple. First, they will expose you to many different brand names and wine varieties that you simply will not find behind the counter at your local convenience store. Also, they will be hosted by wine experts that make their knowledge available for your absorption. Tap these valuable resources to take your wine purchasing ability to the next level; be that fratdaddy that takes frat tabbing to a new level when you order a bottle of 1992 Bordeaux after your friends order their dates the cheapest White Zinfandel on the wine list. Remember: you can’t frat tab when you’re ordering the house wine. Recently, your professors were almost asked to leave a restaurant after their order of a 1996 Chateau de Sales caused the gelheaded waiter to run out of the room to avoid a messy head explosion.
Keep in mind, cheap wines do have their place in your fratmosphere. When you’re buying wine in bulk for girls at keg parties and other decidedly informal situations, feel free to get some of the more popular mass produced brands at your local grocery store. Like so many other parts of frat life, wine is all about knowing what to do in different situations. Of course, if you are buying wine for a party at your own residence, there is no excuse for not taking this outstanding frat tabbing opportunity to introduce your guests to premium fruits of the vine.
In conclusion, increasing your wine palate will simultaneously increase your fratitude. Part of being a lifelong fratdaddy is melding a funloving lifestyle with sophistication. Increasing your wine knowledge is a vital part of this process.
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