There comes a time in the young fratdaddy’s life when he decides to settle down with his sorostitute of choice and start a long and prosperous life of post-grad fratting. You may not have reached this point yet, as you are still enjoying the single life of nightly bar hopping and plentiful shacking. However, this does not mean that you cannot enjoy many of the benefits of wedding season without the added responsibility of actually having to support a family. In fact, this time of year breeds many opportunities to put on your suit, frat hard for free, and then head back to your normal life. Wedding season is upon us, and with it comes the chance to frat weddings so hard that it would make Vince Vaughn go home in shame. In this lesson, we will examine how you can turn every wedding invitation that hits your mailbox into yet another chance to exercise your frat glad.
The Date: Most wedding invitations you will receive will include the magic words, “and guest.” Nothing gets a sorostitute nearing the end of her college career in a shacking mood like seeing a couple committed to shacking for life. This is not the opportunity to grab some freshman arm candy; instead, you will look for a mature sorostitute to accompany you while you frat hard at the reception…you’ll have a great date, and she’ll have dreams of receiving her MRS degree. Beware, however, of dates that read too much into your invitation. To avoid this, we advise taking a different date to every wedding on your calendar if possible.
The Outfit: Often times you may struggle for opportunities in undergrad to show off your more formal frat attire. Wedding season gives you plenty of reasons to break out the best suits and ties in your wardrobe, and it provides great practice in piecing together fratty dress ensembles that will one day be your staple in the workplace.
The Reception: Most receptions thrown for fratdaddy/sorostitute unions will feature one of the frattiest party inventions of all time: the open bar. Better yet, the better you know the couple, the more accepted it is to get completely drunktaneous. The open bar also provides great networking opportunities. There are few better ways to smooze with champions of business in your area than to share some stories with them at the reception over a scotch on the rocks. Old fratdaddies love to tell stories about their past frat glories. Keep and open ear and a full glass.
The Bridesmaids: After you get done shaking hands and acting like you’re remembering names at the open bar, you want to scope out how your current date is shaping up. If it has turned out to be a dud, keep an open eye for the chicks in the ugly, expensive, and identical dresses. These are the bridesmaids, who are acting happy, but are dying inside from the fact that their pledge sister made it to the alter before they did. Somebody has to comfort them…it might as well be you. This is especially important when you go attend a wedding that is held at a resort or other location where attendees reserved hotel rooms for the affair.
Of course, another key part of wedding season is the bachelor party, which will be explored in our next Fratty Activity Lesson.
So break out the suit, line up your invitations, and get ready to frat as hard as you would at a fraternity formal. You’ll have a great time, and the free “refreshments” won’t break your frat tab.
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[...] Finally, golf is as activity that is both fratty in itself and also breeds other fratty situations. While at the club, a future young professional will have many networking opportunities with older members of the club. What better way to set up a bright post-grad fratting future than by making important connections with business executives over some frat water after a round on the course? Also, never forget…more business deals are brokered on the links than in the boardroom. Since the corner offices of so many corporations and firms are inhabited by fratdaddies, always remember that your ability to frat hard at the golf course will pay off in both your level of fratitude and your ever rising bank statement. Lesson #3: Wedding Season [...]
I got a wedding invitation from a post-grad fratter for mid-July in South Carolina (He moved to Charleston, TFM). Would wearing a seersucker suit be acceptable or would that be too cliche?
I just went to a wedding at St. Phillips in Charleston and it was packed with old men rocking various forms of seersucker. It was an afternoon wedding though. You’d look like a GDI wearing seersucker to an evening wedding where everyone else is wearing formalwear
Anonymous,
You may wear a seersucker suit to an outdoor wedding occurring on a hot summer day. If the wedding is not outdoors or not on a hot day, then you should wear a traditional suit.
-Professor Stratton
Great answer, Stratton. Nothing is worse than a doucebag trying to be fratty by wearing seersucker inappropriately.
Great advice gentlemen. I attended a frat/sororstitiute wedding last weekend and not only rubbed elbows with some old school fratdaddies, but I also nailed a bridesmaid. I would advise everyone to take the lessons learned in this section very seriously, take full advantage of wedding season and frat as hard as possible.
Spaulding is a frat god!!!
some people just have it. Spaulding is that guy!!!!!!
Sorry for the long post, but I felt obligated to share the story:
One of my brothers got married in Dallas,TX a few weeks. Myself and 4 other actives were groomsmen. We decided to risk management road trip from Alabama to Dallas and it was amazing. We hit up a drive-thru liquor store in Louisiana and the fifth of scotch was nearly gone by the time we got to rehearsal. The rehearsal dinner had all the beer and wine we could drink. We even took a few left over bottles back to the hotel. The next day, we bro’ed out with the groom right up until the beginning of the ceromony; even hit up some batting cages for old time’s sake. The photographer has some nice pics of us in our tuxes where we’re sporting our Costas/ Maui Jim’s and croakies while flashing our Fraternity badges. The reception was amazing. We definitely got drunktaneous at the open bar. We consumed Glennfiddich rusty nails like they were going out of style, convinced the jazz quartet to stop playing sheet music and just jam out, and groped/danced with sororstitiutes. The funniest part was the age gap between the scotch drinkers. Us in our early twenties and the father of the bride and the other old school fratdaddies in their fifties. I definitely received a few compliments for my drink choice & chatted it up with some older attorneys. The cans tied to the back of the bride & groom’s car were natty cans. They weren’t normal natty cans with string through the tabs. Instead, the actives who weren’t in the wedding party stayed back at the hotel room and shot gunned them so we could have places to attach them. After the send off we were chilling outside when the police informed us that “It is a crime in the great state of Texas to have open containers and be drunk in public.” So we took it back to the hotel and drank until it was time to head out at 7:00am
BT,
Truly fratastic, but I’ve got one to top it. Last winter, an alum of my house got married to his sorostitute of choice his senior year. One of those near Christmas weddings, real nice affair. Anyway, he’s going to law school at a different college just about an hour north of where the rest of the brothers and I are still in school. So, there we are at this hotel where he currently lives. After getting drunktaneous, the hotel guys informed us that the ball room was only rented for one day, and we were going to have to start wrapping it up. The groom decides he’s not done partying, so he get an active to call the pledge class we had at the time. That night, the pledges actually did something worthwhile for once: they successfully relocated most of the guests of the party, along with a good number of stolen bottles from the open bar back to the FratCastle, where we proceeded to party, off and on, for the remainder of the weekend.
I am going to a wedding for a post-grad fratter in a couple of weeks and since it is inside I have decided to rule of the seersucker suit. I still want to frat as a hard as possible so as to end up shacking with the one of highest quality sororstitiutes. So would wearing wearing seersucker pants with a blazer be acceptable or should I go with khakis and a blazer.
I’ve never worn the pants with a solid colored blazer, but I wore the blazer with off-white linen pants, and a bow tie to a sorority semi-formal. It went over really well with the ladies.
What if the reception doesn’t have an open bar? Would frat tabbing then be the best option?
I’ll be sending some content. I hope you put it up.
I have a question regarding overseas fratting. I just accepted a fratty job as a investment banker with a mergers and acquisitions firm in Japan. Although this is a good step towards a fratty career, I wonder how it will be possible to frat hard while in a totally foreign culture? Do the rules of fratmosis still apply?
I will be attending an afternoon wedding in Charleston in late July. As a seasoned sorostitute, I know that I can’t go wrong with a nice sundress. I was wondering, however, what patterns and colors are appropriate? Is it unacceptable to wear ANY black or white to a daytime wedding?
Can anyone dance with the bride - if they wait their turn?
PrettyinPearls,
I think you’re fine as long as the predominant color in any dress isn’t black or white. And though most modern brides ignore this, I would never wear red to a wedding either. Those “rules” were put in place so that no young woman would show up the bride. A lilly dress is perfect, as long as it’s not too sexy. Remember, you will be in a church (well, presumably) and in the presence of people’s grandmothers.
Dr. Frat,
Since the wedding is indoors, you should not wear any seersucker. However, if the reception is outdoors, you may be able to pull off seersucker pants with a blazer. For this situation, I recommend BT’s safer suggestion of wearing off-white linen pants with a blazer.
PrettyinPearls,
I agree with nothin’finer’s answer to your question.
Scott Grifo,
It is hard to imagine a fratdaddy’s and sorostitute’s reception failing to include an open bar. If such a tragedy occurs and you are stuck with a cash bar, fratabbing is the only way to go. If it has no bar, grab your date and leave.
Topsider,
Congratulations on your new job. Investment banking is a fratty occupation. Fratting abroad can certainly occur, although it will be difficult because of the extreme cultural differences. Do the best you can to raise the fratmospheric level and head back to the U.S.A. when your work is done.
-Professor Stratton
I’m in need of some advice, guys. I’m ready to propose to my girlfriend, but first I need to ask for her father’s approval. I’m not really sure how to go about this. I’ve been dating her for 4 years now… ever since a trip to the lake her freshman year.
Asking the father is a tradition in her family, btw. Her sister’s husband had to ask the dad ( took him hunting). Any advice would be much appreciated.
Steve
One on one fishing or golf trip would be what I’d do–something fun that creates a sense of bonding and approval
Good answer, PledgeFront&Center, I agree completely.
Steve, just make certain that the event is a unique experience. For example, say your soon-to-be father-in-law has wanted to play Pinehurst No. 2 but has never gotten around to it, try to get a convenient tee time for the two of you. Your forethought/creativity will show him that you’re serious about marrying his daughter, and he’ll surely grant you his approval.
[...] to see pictures of Hiroshima after the bombing, you can wonder what the architect smoked, you can attend your frat wedding, you can get a million dollars for offering your tid bits on political sex scandals, or you can [...]
Steve,
You’ve already got some good advice. Just be careful…because this activity (and the proposal itself) has led many a fratdaddy down the path of douchebaggery (i.e. proposing on the jumbotron).
Do what he likes to do. If he’s a fisherman, go fishing. If he is a hunter, go hunting. If he’s a golfer, go golfing. If he’s in the mafia, watch your back.
I was told by my soon-to-be fiance that he likes to scuba dive… and I know he likes to hunt large game (I only duck hunt, not his thing). I might combine the two actiuvities and take him spear fishing off the coast. After getting a few nice fish we could get onto the deck of my boat and have a drink and discuss marrying his daughter.
II have a few ideas for the proposal. We will be taking a trip to Las Vegas for a week. From there, we will take a helicopter ride to the grad canyon. I might propose to her in the copter above the grand canyon.
My other idea: There is a vineyard that has a wine-tasting and hot-air balloon ride package. I think that it would be amazing to ask her while in a hot-air balloon… and she loves wine.
Sound good? I think it beats the jumbotron.
Anything beats jumbotron or a flag behind a cessna
Steve:
Do the helicopter ride- while the wine tasting part of it is cool, the hot-air balloon is kind of gay. even better- take a helicopter to the wine tasting.
I’ll be attending a wedding in New Orleans next weekend & I’m staying at the Maison Dupuy. Can anyone recommend some good bars that are within staggering distance of Burgundy & St. Peter?
BT, if your’e in New Orleans hit up Pat Os. Its 3 blocks away from Burgundy on the corner of St. Peter and Royal. One of my favorite bars down there.
I am in the market for a new car and am considering trading in Explorer for a smaller car. While the idea of ditching an SUV is somewhat strange to me, I was wondering what cars you’d recommend. I was looking at the Audi A4 or the Mercury Milan or its Ford counterpart, the Fusion.
i would def. go with the audi over the mercury or ford
unfortunately most decent smaller cars are jap cars. the A4 is a good choice. why the switch to a small car anyways?
PledgeFront¢er,
You should consider the Jaguar X-type. You can currently get a 2004 (end of a lease) model for under $15,000 w/ 35k miles.
They get over 20mpg in real life, which is better than the explorer.
These cars demand respect and are fast & safe. Since they have all-wheel-drive, you can take them to the mountain for a ski trip.
pics of the car:
http://jaguar.biz-on.info/jaguar_x-type_sport_2005_1.jpg
http://www.thecollection.com/images/models/jaguar/x-type.jpg
http://tinyurl.com/2tn9a9
thanks guys, I was also looking at some Saabs or Volvo. I’m not sure if I’ll end up getting a car or an SUV (either a Grand Cherokee, 4 Runner, Pathfinder, Trailblazer or Explorer), I do like the Audi, but my parents would probably only pay for one a couple of years old at least
Save the Volvos and Saabs for the Sorostitutes. Go for the used Audi if you want a car. Good choice.
Jaguar X-type is a high status car you can get for about $15,000 used.
BT,
Hope you have a good time in NO. Prof. Stratton and I organize at least one trip down there a year for our most privy group of brothers and sorostitutes, and the fratting potential in that town is off the charts. We didn’t even think this was possible…but the last time we were there, we frat tabbed at such a high level that we felt our own heads feel a twinge of pressure.
Speaking of Prof. Stratton, he nailed the seersucker question. That answer probably needs to go in the fratty attire section as a permanent addition.
I’m a big fan of Audi’s because they are luxury cars that don’t saturate the fratmosphere. Having one would allow you to frat hard while also showing your unique fratitude.
Question from a hopefully future pledge. How will pledging affect my ability to see football games? I want to go to all the road games, will pledging still allow me to do that?
Pledges have no problems with going to away games in my fraternity. We only allow them to go if we have a chapter at that particular school, and if they do they must check in to their pladgemaster at 8:00pm the night before the game. If that pledgemaster doesnt need a few hard working guest pledges for the weekend they get to see the game, most of the time they join that schools pledges in their duties…goodluck…
RollTide, with all due respect to Ed’s post, you will never be another chapter’s ‘guest pledge’ while a pledge at a UA fraternity. I’m a grad student here now and was in a fraternity during my undergrad years. We take pride in standing apart from other chapters. Most likely, you will have to sacrifice some away games during your pledge semester. Come to think of it, even at the home games you won’t be seeing much of the game as you’ll be getting drinks the entire time. Sucks, but it comes with the territory, unless you pledge in the spring.
Roll Tide
sounds like a good agreement on the car topic. always remember, jap cars(hyundais and that of the like) are completely unfratty. in fact, buying one should require you to get a personalized plate that reads ‘GDI’. in response to Howskis question, trading in the Frathoe after your college days isn’t a bad thing. it wasn’t until recently that trucks and suvs became classy whereas a high-quality car has always been the trademark of goodtaste and high fratitude. the jag or audi is a good call.
you could get an 04 c-class benz for about 30 thousand
I disagree on the fact that all jap cars are completely unfratty. I traded in my 04 Tahoe on a 05 quad cab Tacoma and I love it. I’ve driven Tahoes, Z71 trucks, and my Tacoma and they’ve all served me well. But in all fairness I am trading the “yota” in on a 07 Z71 Tahoe in a couple weeks.
BMW’s are the hook and sinker with sorostitutes everywhere. A nice a minimum of a 5 series must be driven. None of this cheap 3 series crap, too many poor people driving those.
Jap cars are not fratty. A 4 Runner? Are you from California or something?
A Tacoma? A midsize truck? Screams GDI.
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