Fratty Activities 301: Golf (Lesson #2)

In honor of the end of The Masters, one of the frattiest sporting events ever conceived by man, we will further examine yet another activity that has long given fratdaddies (and sometimes, sorostitutes) ample opportunity to flex their frat-muscles in a joint exercise of fratting hard and engaging in athletic competition.

When we analyze an activity to determine it’s frattiness, we look mainly at three factors (which we call, “The Country Club Test”).  The Country Club Test’s three prongs are as follows:  (1)  the expense associated with the activity, (2) the atmosphere in which the activity is promulgated, and (3) propensity of the activity to lead to other opportunities to frat hard.  Rarely does an activity pass all three prongs with an A+, but golf cruises through this test like it had the answers from the frat castle test bank.

First, golf gives you an excellent opportunity to frat tab.  Even more important, the prices and membership fees at respectable courses and clubs price-out douchebaggery.  If these fees don’t have you frat-tabbing enough, don’t worry:  there is ample opportunity to show how hard you frat in the pro shop.  Golf clothes (which in themselves are fratty), clubs, bags, and balls can, and should, run your frat tab up into the thousands. 

Second, there are few frattier atmospheres than a golf course, especially if it is located at the local country club.  These locales give you the opportunity to take your sorostitute to the club where she will play tennis while you get in 18 holes and then drink several bourbon and cokes in the clubhouse.  Later, after steak and lobster from the club restaurant, you can look back at the day and rest easy knowing that you fratted hard literally all day. 

Finally, golf is as activity that is both fratty in itself and also breeds other fratty situations.  While at the club, a future young professional will have many networking opportunities with older members of the club.  What better way to set up a bright post-grad fratting future than by making important connections with business executives over some frat water after a round on the course?  Also, never forget…more business deals are brokered on the links than in the boardroom.  Since the corner offices of so many corporations and firms are inhabited by fratdaddies, always remember that your ability to frat hard at the golf course will pay off in both your level of fratitude and your ever rising bank statement.