What the Oscars is to Hollywood, the Super Bowl is to the NFL, and the Las Vegas Star Trek convention is to 37 year old virgins, college football rivalry weekend is the time when all the heavy hitters of the fratty culture come out and show why they are elites among their peers. With this knowledge, though, many among the fratty place too much pressure on themselves to frat harder than ever. Falling victims to this pressure, they end up departing from the tried and true rules of fratting hard, and end up doing things that they would normally immediately recognize as not fratty. To help prevent this unfortunate reality, please take heed of the following tips. Following the normal laws of the fratty, all while taking special care to avoid the following, will assure you a place among the frattiest in the stadium this Saturday.
#1) Don’t descend into normal fandom: It is an unquestioned rule of fratology that all but the most subtle hints of fandom are forbidden. While others defile themselves with graphic t-shirts, body paint, novelty hats, and (worst of all) replica jerseys, the fratty come dressed for success with shirt and tie for guys and an appropriate dress for ladies. Don’t be the one in your section that ignores this black letter rule and paints your face, wears more than one college logo anywhere on your person, or comes decked out in Under Armor. Leave such a faux pas to the GDI’s and use your normal discretion in wardrobe decisions.
#2) Pre-game fratting is still mandatory: Pre-game fratting is essential to a fratty gameday. Ample tailgating with other fratters, lunch at a sorority house, and arriving just in time for kickoff to your seat saved by a pledge should be just as important…nay, more important…on this weekend as on any other. Do not be tricked into attending open pre-game pep rallies and the like by wiley university athletic marketers. Instead, take your usual fratty plans and crank them up with maximum fratitude.
#3) Don’t let a loss affect post-game fratting: Where gameday truly separates the fratty from the non-fratty is often after the final whistle has been blown. Post game cocktails, house parties, or a trip to the local strip should be the mandatory plan after every game. However, the emotion bound up in a rivalry game can often make the fratters on the losing side lose heart after the game, causing them to ignore their post game duties. Know that while the game is important, no loss should be enough to (and no loss is an excuse to) completely ignore your fraterly duties. As always, you should challenge others to frat hard or go home, and you yourself should strive to be the last one that does the latter.
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