Advanced Fratting 501: Post Grad Fratting — The Family (Lesson #2)

Any fratdaddy or sorostitute knows that being in a Greek house is like being part of a big family. You eat together, you hang out together, you party together. Therefore, it is not surprising that one of the cornerstones of post grad fratting is family life. It is definitely fratty for the young professional to play the field when they emerge from college. However, most fratdaddies and sorostitutes decide to finally settle down sometime after they establish themselves in the workplace and have their career on the fast track for success. In this lesson, we will lay out what it means to cultivate an environment of fratitude in one’s own family life after college is behind you and the rest of your life is ahead. Remember: frat never takes a day off, and this does not change when classes are over. In this lesson, we will cover the two most important components of the fratty family: the fratty spouse and the fratlings.

The Fratty Spouse

Without a doubt, the most important part of having a fratty family is choosing a fratty spouse. The ideal fratty spouse should be like you in many ways. The first, and most vital, concern is choosing a spouse who was also Greek. The reasons for this are multiple, and most are self explanatory. Second, their financial standing should be similar to or greater than your own. There’s nothing better than picking a sorostitute (or fratdaddy, for you ladies) who, upon marriage, immediately increases you net worth by a million dollars or so. Getting back to choosing a Greek spouse: the Greek experience is a common bond that you will share that will facilitate a better relationship between you. Ideally, you should have a spouse that graduated from the same institution that is written across your degree. This solves many problems, such as football or basketball season arguments about which games you are going to travel to see. When you’re sitting on the 50 yard line in Williams-Brice Stadium, it’s not fratty to have to shut up your wife who’s screaming in full Clemson garb. Also, having a Greek spouse will allow you to maximize your opportunities to get back on campus for some of the greatest moments in post grad fratting: alumni cocktails and formals.

The Fratty Fratlings

Eventually, you and your fratty spouse will decide to have fratlings (or you will be the .02 percent that may have good cause for a lawsuit against your contraception device of choice). Either way, having fratlings is no cause to frat any less hard than you usually do. On the contrary, it presents new challenges that will separate the fratty from the unfratty. For one, it allows you to continue the fratty legacy. There is no prouder moment than the first time you get a call at 2AM in the morning from your newly pledged fratling who accidentally dialed your number after a long night of fratting hard. Also, having fratlings gives you the opportunity to make a contribution back to global fratty education by personally training your fratlings to grow up to be fratty members of society. Take pride in the fact that while you and your spouse are sitting at the Little League game in your Brooks Brothers sport coat and Costas and Croakies, watching Future Fratdaddy IV knock another one over the fence, you are not a GDI living alone in a studio apartment, ordering take out, and taking the bus home.