Fratting 101: The Fratty Game Weekend (Lesson #16)

There are some parts of the fratty lifestyle, and college life in general, which transcend both time and tradition, and are such inexplicably huge fratting opportunities that they must be completely taken advantage of by any self-respecting fratdaddy or sorostitute.  Tonight, there begins an almost 5 month long period that is, effectively, the Holy Months of Fratology.  We speak, of course, of college football season.  However, with great opportunity comes great responsibility.  Any gel-encrusted GDI can grab a student ticket, throw on 7 different kinds of school-colored flage, and go to a game.  You must be better than this.  You must make game weekends the time when you put every fratty principle that you learn through the rest of the year to work.  These are, if you will, the final exams of fratty education.

The Weekend Begins

Reasonable minds can disagree on when the game weekend exactly begins; however, for the purposes of brevity and clarity, we will assume that the game weekend starts on the night of the swap/mixer.  This is the symbolic beginning of a several day period where the frat gland must be pumping fratdrenaline faster than you pump premium gasoline into your V8 Frathoe.  We understand that it may be hard to prep for the weekend when you have troublesome classes grabbing your attention.  All we can say about this is, “Do what you need to do.”

The Date

One of the saddest sights you can see is a brother or a pledge on gameday that doesn’t have a date to the game.  This is almost as bad as seeing one of your pledge brothers in his brand new Hollister Cargo pants and new bleached haircut, riding his Segway across campus while jamming out to Linkin Park on his Ipod.  Yes, it is that vital that you secure a date to the football game.  There are several reasons why the gameday date is so important.  The gameday date provides a conduit between you and other fratty game weekend activities.  First, it provides sorostitute companionship at the Friday night pre-party dinner.  Second, it ensures you of a date at the band party, and also gives you a liaison to that sorostitute’s house to ensure that many of their sisters will choose your house’s band party over others.  The danger to this, of course, occurs when she comes with, and thus will be pressured to leave with, her pledge sisters.  Circumvent this danger by picking her up yourself separately while having a pledge pick up the rest of the girls.  This prevents later problems, and often provides information about the pledge that is given to you by the sorostitutes that he carried.  This date will also carry over to the bars after the band party, and inevitably presents a prime shacking opportunity (note:  your gameday date is your plan A, but the band party should have given you ample time to also scope out and prepare a plan B).  The next morning, your sorostitute will be delighted to know that no breakfast will be required.  Provide her with a pledge to take her back to her house to get ready, and then meet back up with her when it’s time for the pre-game lunch at her sorority house.  Often, you will then meet the sorostitute’s parents; trust us when we say that the handshake between you and her father will grant you a feeling of outright victory. 

Sports Gaming

One popular game weekend activity for fratdaddies across the country is sports gaming.  While FrattingHard.com does not support illegal activity, we are aware that this is a widespread practice among fratdaddies.  You can think of this as another form of frattabbing, albeit with a potential for a return on your investment.  There’s nothing like hitting the Thursday night favorite and the over and instantly having an extra $500 in your frattab fund for the weekend.  It’s also slightly amusing to watch your pledge brother in tears of joy because he breaks even when Brett Favre puts in another spectacular Monday night performance. 

The Friday of Game Week

Although there are many parts of game week that make such time unique, you should not neglect your normal fratty Friday customs, either.  At many frattier schools, there is much emotion riding on every win and loss.  We recommend offsetting this stress with 18 holes on Friday afternoon.  After a round on the links, head back to the Frat Castle to get ready and go pick up your date for dinner.

Dinner

We are big proponents of the Friday night pre-game dinner.  This should be a time when you exhibit the full range of your frattabbing potential.  These dinners should be as big an event as you can possibly make them:  the more fratdaddies and sorostitutes, the better.  If you don’t want to take this to a restaurant, this is also an excellent time to head to the fratio for a game week cookout.  There is little in life that is frattier than a fratio full of sorostitutes, the Friday night WAC vs. Sun Belt game on the big screen, and plenty of frat water to go around.  Keep in mind, however, that this is the beginning of the end for frat water on the weekend.  Some time during dinner should be the point at which you begin the time honored tradition of the consumption of the official fratdaddy football concoction:  bourbon and coke.

The Band Party

After dinner, you will begin your pre-drinking for the band party.  The party itself will rarely get fully cranked up before midnight.  When the band party is at its maximum, however, you should be ready to crank up your fratitude and enjoy this event in a way that the GDI’s down at the coffee shop can’t even begin to understand.  We’re not going to give you a play by play about what you need to do at the band party; we’re confident that if you’re reading this site, you are already that far along in your fratty education.  We will, however, give you the outcomes of a successful band party night.  It involves you, with your Brooks Brothers shirt splashed with bourbon, dancing with your game date (who is in the top 10% of sorostitutes in the room), while the band is playing any number of fratty selections.  After the band party, much like after the swap/mixer, the party should move to the bars and to the inevitable shacking that will occur.

The Morning of Game Day

This should be a simple, relaxing, but again extraordinarily fratty time.  The sorostitute leaves to get ready (as we said above, a pledge taxi is the proper method for her to get back to her house).  Many fratdaddies’ parents are alumni of their school, and thus many return for gameday.  If this is the case, you and your parents will meet up with your sorostitute of choice for lunch at the sorority house.  After this, the parents will most likely go to their own get togethers with their pledge brothers/sisters and you and your sorostitute will move to your tailgating destination.  This may include the Frat Castle, the home of a pledge brother who lives close to the stadium, or an actual tailgate.  Here, there are three important fratty factors:  other football games on in the background, more grilling out, and, of course, much pre-gaming. 

At the Game

Many fratdaddies do not leave the party at the tailgate.  We are continually amazed at the new and innovative ways that industrious fratdaddies and sorostitutes utilize to sneak their libation of choice into the stadium.  However, pace yourself, as there’s nothing fratty about having to be carried out at the end of the first quarter.  There’s also nothing fratty about being the guy that has no idea what’s going on during the game.  At frattier schools, even sorostitutes know about the game of football, and you should not hesitate to get rowdy in your support of the team.  Keep in mind:  if they make it to a bowl, that’s another game week for you to frat hard as described above. 

Post Game

After the game, there are several different courses of action that you could choose.  The first of these is a simple “post game tailgate” that happens much like the tailgate before the game.  Going to the bars is another option; this is especially enjoyable after a big victory.  Some houses will also have a Saturday night band party on big game weekends.  If this is the case, you should go to the band party, and then to the bars. 

Sunday Morning Coming Down

Do not think of Sunday morning as the end of the current game week; think of it as the beginning of the game week to come.  There’s no better way to wrap up the week gone by, however, than by enjoying a nice sorostitute-produced breakfast, followed by a trip to church for whatever confessions you feel you need to make, followed by sitting in front of the big screen for the rest of the day watching the numerous NFL match-ups. 

If you follow this guide, let us warn you:  you may be disturbed to find that you are causing head explosions to mass numbers of GDI’s who were thought to be out of the range of the Atom Bomb of Fratitude that you just dropped on game week.  While they’re still scrubbing off their body paint from gameday, you will already be prepping for another fratty game week…this one even frattier than the last.