This is the first installment in a series called FRATTING 101: FRATTY WARDROBE. One of the most important parts of being fratty is always dressing fratty. If you dress incorrectly, your chance of fratting as hard as you possibly can will be reduced significantly. In fact, failing to dress frat will, in most average situations, completely bar one from being fratty. Take special care to carefully read and abide by the lessons contained in this series…your fratty future depends on it.
Note: The following lesson applies only to fratdaddies. A corollary lesson for sorostitutes will be the focus of Lesson #2.
Perhaps the most important part of being a fratdaddy is looking like a
fratdaddy. Looking like a fratdaddy is not solely limited to clothing.
Before you learn what to wear, you need to learn how to take care of your body. A wise man once said, “The body is the temple.” For you, your body should be your fraternity house…but unlike your real fraternity house, you should actually take care of it. No pledge can do this for you.
Hair: There is only one acceptable hairstyle in the world of frat, and that
is the fratshag. See FH Dictionary. The following unfratty hairstyles
firmly reflect the GDI statements listed below and should be avoided at all costs:
“I just spent 45 minutes frosting my tips and it looks like I just stuck my finger in a light socket.”
“Yes, I am unemployed and in a Sex Pistols cover band.”
“I may be a registered sex offender, but at least my neck ain’t sunburnt.”
Finally, hair should always be free of any hair care product. The only thing that
should ever be dumped on your head is shampoo or beer/liquor from fratting hard at a social event.
Facial Hair: A fratdaddy can “hit or miss” with facial hair. It has been well established frat law that the five o’clock shadow is the most appropriate look for a fratdaddy. A five o’clock shadow says, “Yes, I own a razor, but after fratting immensely hard last night, I decided to forgo shaving this morning.” Lastly, sorostitutes are extremely attracted to fratdaddies with five o’clock shadows.
Tanning: A fratdaddy needs to be tan, but not too tan. The last guy (other than a GDI) that a sorostitute wants to shack with is a guy who resembles Casper. Tanning should occur naturally by participating in fratty outdoor activities, such as golf, or by laying out and drinking alcohol by a body of water, a process known in the frat world as “bronzing.” Under no circumstances should a fratdaddy ever step foot in a tanning salon or use any type of spray-on tan product. The use of such a product would be absolute disaster for any fratdaddy…you do NOT want to end up looking like our day-glo orange friend below:
Body Piercings: No part of you body should be pierced. Again, no part of your body should be pierced. This should be self explanatory. You are a fratdaddy, not a sorostitute.
Jewelry: This goes along the same lines as body piercing. You want people to stare at your face, not your shiny gold chain. Again, you are a fratdaddy, not a sorostitute.
Body Art: There are no acceptable forms of body art, also known as tattoos.
Tattoos are low-class and a sign of total disrespect for one’s body. No
one cares about that barbed-wire around your arm, that you love The Intimidator, and that you like Chinese symbols. Think, money spent on body piercings, jewelry,
and/or body art could go towards throwing one hell of a fratastic party. Now, a word on a touchy subject…frat tats. Unfortunately, many fratdaddies that otherwise frat hard all day, no lunch breaks, have fallen into the frat tat trap. Most of the time, these tattoos are placed on an area of the body that is not visible in day to day activity. However, this does not negate the fact that tattoos of any kind are simply not fratty. First of all, trying too hard to show your fraternal ties shows weakness in other areas of being a fratdaddy. You should not have to permanently place your letters on your person to show others how hard you frat. Also, frat tats could cause you to inadvertently break the Law of Overlettering, which states that a fratdaddy should display his fraternity name/letters on his person no more than once at a time. Therefore, the final verdict on frat tats is thus: if you already have one, this doesn’t mean that you can’t make up for it by fratting hard in other areas, but if you’re thinking about getting one, don’t do it…it’s simply not the fratty thing to do.
In conclusion, following these simple rules will put you well on your way to looking like a fratdaddy. In no time you will be running the world and shacking with sorostitutes like a fratdaddy should.
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