Only a novelty item just a few years ago, the cell phone is now an indispensable tool for just about every breathing human being in a civilized country. The advantages of the cell phone are too numerous to name. Instant communication wherever you are, organization of friends and acquaintances, and the invaluable feeling that you are never out of the loop are just a few of the reasons why any hard fratter needs a cell phone. However, with any technology comes pitfalls that can easily reduce your fratitude to levels commonly found at an ultimate frisbee tournament. Unlike many of our Fratting 101 lessons, this primer is less about what to do, and more about what NOT to do.
As for what you need in a cell phone, the choices are broad. Any traditional phone that is reasonably new will do. When we say, “reasonably new,” cutting edge is not required. It doesn’t matter if you still have your old Nokia that is so big it would bring a tear to Zach Morris’s eye; it can still make and receive calls and store the numbers of your fellow fratdaddies and sorostitutes. However, you do need to consider having a phone with text messaging capabilities. Not surprisingly, most professors frown on you answering calls in class, so text messaging is essential in making plans for the night ahead if you decided to wake up and go to class that particular morning. Text messaging is also vital when you are in usual fratty situations such as in bars or at ball games. These places are often too loud to be conducive to using your phone in a traditional manner, and efficient text messaging is often the key to successful bar hopping strategy.
As you are probably thinking yourself, that isn’t a lot of cell phone rules. However, the previous section only dealt with what you need to have. What you do not need to have is more expansive, and we dare say much more important.
The first cell phone pitfall we address is first for a reason. Simply put, it is one of the most pervasive forms of douchebaggery that penetrates society today. You’ve seen them. You’ve laughed at them. They are the bluetooth headsets. There is really no nice way to put this…there is yet to be a person born that gets so many calls that they will injure themselves raising their phone from their pocket to their ear. Unless you’re a drug dealer or a telemarketer, there is no reason to have one of these devices. They look ridiculous, they are totally unnecessary, and they will make people around you think that you are a schizophrenic. Most telling, though, is the number of GDI’s and douchebags that have adopted this technology. In fact, we have found in our studies that before they were released, the first bluetooth headsets were extensively tested to make sure that they would survive daily contact with hair gel. Some mistakes in fratology can be made up for by fratting hard in other areas. However, this is not one of those mistakes that can be swept under the rug. If you’re thinking about buying one, don’t do it. If you already have one, kick yourself in crotch, and then donate it to a 15 year old at your local mall’s video arcade. He will appreciate it’s usefulness as he takes calls while playing Dance, Dance Revolution.
Another grievous cell phone error, but a much more common one in the frat community, concerns cell phone belt clips. Fratdaddies, the phone goes in your pocket. Sorostitutes, the phone goes in your purse. Fratting hard doesn’t mean showing off. If you are correctly outfitted in fratty attire, this can be seen from a mile away. If anything, the cell phone belt clip distracts the attention away from the finely perfected fratty wardrobe.
Most cell phones today come equipped with a camera. This doesn’t mean you have to use it. Sorostitutes, you’re pretty much off the hook here. Although you shouldn’t be one of those people that pull out their cell phone 30 times a day to take a picture, occasional photography with your phone will not hurt. However, if you are a fratdaddy, the times when you should use your phone’s camera are very limited in scope. If you see something funny that you’d like to tell a story about later, but are so drunktaneous that you think you’ll forget, you can use the camera. However, the key word here is “minimalism”. Don’t use your phone’s camera unless you feel that it is absolutely necessary.
In summary, remember that, at base, cell phones are for fratdaddy/sorostitute to fratdaddy/sorostitute communication. Like most accessories, conservative use the cell phone (and all personal electronics, for that matter) is always a good rule of thumb. One final point…although this shouldn’t even need to be said, if you still have a pager, and there’s not a “Dr.” in front of your name, go revoke your membership in a Greek organization immediately. Believe us, they don’t want you anymore.
Loading ...
Related Articles
18 users responded to this post. Comment moderation is active.
I can’t believe how some people can be such douchebags. Yesterday my roommate and I were at the schools gym playing racquetball. We’re getting ready to leave and this guy comes in with his hair geled up, wearin a muscle shirt, and has his cell phone clipped to his pants. Seriously who the hell cares that much about their hair when theyr’e working out and who do you need to talk to that bad to where you can’t go an hour and a half without your phone. Just thought I’d share that story as it was quite funny to me.
Great story, Jonathan. That’s a perfect example of the sad, sad fate that we fight against every day here at Fratting Hard.
i don’t agree with your idea that north face is fratty. everyone wears it now, and the quality isn’t up to par anymore. pataguch (patagonia) is the best way to go, and sets yourself apart from the way too common north face. meat heads and metros will wear north face, but you will never catch them wearing patagonia. that’s because they aren’t fratty and never will be!
I do agree with you on the fact that North Face is gaining too much popularity with douchebags, but never the less North Face is still fratty. For example while a douchebag might wear his North Face over his Abercrombie shirt with his o so gay ripped jeans, I prefer to wear mine with a Vineyard Vines polo and dockers. By doing this you are easily distinguished from any douches in the area. I do agree with you saying Fratagonia is very fratty. I own both brands and I wear them equally.
The North Face dilemma is one of the hottest topics in modern fratting. As we wrote in Stay Warm and Frat Hard: Simply put, it is the staple of the fratty community when it comes to winter wear. In fact, many unfratty people who know little more about fratology have caught on to the fact that North Face is fratty. However, this presents a definite problem, as the product’s popularity has led to many “copycat fratters” who will buy a North Face jacket and mix it with other clothes and behaviors that soil the good name of the brand.
Thankfully, the behavior that Jonathan describes is, at this point, still effective. While the North Face has been adopted by many who are douching hard in other areas of their lives, their other douchewear will show the world their true nature.
However, this is an ever evolving problem, and we will stay on it to alert the world should North Face fall into unequivocal unfrattiness due to excessive douchebag adoption rates.
so basically, im in highschool in huntsville alabama and in my city, we are a little AHEAD of this website in fratwear.
NORTH FACE IS DONE!! fratdaddies and sorostitutes, just go ahead and throw your jacket away. sorry. these are now the acceptable frat jackets:
1. Patagonia fleece
2. Mountain Hardwear fleece or shell
DISCLAIMER: If you own a North Face shell jacket (the windbreaker kind that goes over the fleece) you are still allowed to wear it. hardly any douchebags own this kind of jacket…YET.
Also don’t forget that when fratting hard, it is always acceptable and encouraged to wear a polo or vineyard vines sweater over a button-down polo, brooks brothers, or vineyard vines dress shirt.
youre all very welcome.
haha im in highschool and have a better fratucation??
couldve hit or miss on that one.
And you go to Huntsville High School, so you are automatically not fratty. If you had gone to Grissom, you might just be
hahaha Grissom…we haven’t lost a single sporting event to them in any category this year if you didnt know. what class were you and what college do you now attend?
Grissom is not fratty. here is typical grissom attire:
1. outdoor/hiking/treking shoes (Chacos, Crocs, god knows what’s, etc.)
2. outdoor/hiking/treking shorts (north face, columbia, etc.)
3. outdoor/hiking/treking T-shirt (north face, patagonia, columbia, etc.)
4. outdoor/hiking/treking backpack (north face, kelty, camelbak, etc.)
5. outdoor/hiking/treking cap/visor (north face, kavu, etc.)
haha it’s fuckin rediculous. They take the frat jackets brands and only wear those brands. Grissom is for outdoorsmen, not for fratdaddies. I would fall over dead if i ever saw a Virgil kid wearing Vineyard Vines.
go trek a mountain.
Watch it guys….arguing over high school athletics = not fratty. Instead of worrying about which high school is cooler, spend time getting to know as many future sorostitutes as possible. The more sorostitutes you know, the easier it will be to coordinate pledge parties when you get to campus.
maybe if you weren’t so worried about your future “frattiness” you might actually learn to use grammar correctly. “rediculous” is not a word. perhaps you meant “ridiculous”. however, if you do not know how to spell a word, you probably shouldn’t use it while trying to be “fratastic”. it just makes you look like a douchebag in your patagonia.
youre right on que there “M”. because i made a typo on a frat blog, i will look like a douchebag in my patagonia. haha whatever man. all that matters is that i am presently “fratty”. so fratty for a highschooler in fact, that i may just become the king of frattiness by the time i graduate from law school. Oh, and Doug, you don’t have to worry about me getting to know “future sorostitutes”. I know plenty of present and future sorostitutes already. In fact, i shacked with a present sorostitute last weekend that i met at a frat party. you can all be jealous of me if you wish, it isn’t unnatural. please, don’t reply to this post, because seeing as how i am more fratty than frattinghard.com, i will be leaving this site for good.
hhs,
We here at FrattingHard.com wish you luck in your future fratty endeavors. We regret that you have taken helpful advice, which is our purpose for being, as a personal insult. We would offer you a final lesson entitled, “Thin Skin: Definitely Not Fratty,” but will defer to the active brothers of the house you pledge; they will most certainly be more effective than we at communicating this vital lesson.
All the best,
Your Professors of Fratology
Did any of you know that NorthFace was bought by Vogue (the magazine that teaches your mothers how to be good in bed)? If you were wondering why all the sorostitutes (and all the other women out there) are wearing them, that might be why. Good one douche bags. Take up on some Mountain Hardware right now or go in for a sex change. The era of NorthFace is over.
FU,
North Face is owned by the VF Corporation. Vogue Magazine is owned by Conde Nest Publications. We can see the confusion because Vogue’s publisher also produces a magazine called “Vanity Fair”, but they are not the same company. Like all other University of Fratology research, this comes from wikipedia.
Sorostitutes wearing North Face is not a recent phenomenon. It has been happening for almost as long as the brand was adopted by fratdaddies. Sorostitutes also wear Ralph Lauren, but we don’t suggest that this precludes the wearing of the Polo brand by fratdaddies.
Also, our mothers were sorostitutes, so we assume that they didn’t need a magazine to help them in the shacking department.
In addition to Drug Dealers and Telemarketers, Bookies should also be permitted to wear BlueTooth headests, or at least allow the pledge assigned to book on a gameday wear one.
That is All
I am enjoying this site. You should consider doing a post regarding Fratty-footwear. For instance, during spring term, is it fratty to wear flip-flops? …or should flip-flops be reserved for beach trips?
BTP:
Flip flops are OK, but whenever possible eschew them in favor of Cole Haans or Topsiders.
I’m dissapointed as well that North Face apparel has been hijacked by all the weak links. I’m probably a bit older than the majority on the post, so with that said, I need to lend a bit of advice to you young bucks about GDI’s & their trends & how to not be discouraged. North Face is not ruinied simply because a few terds tried to disguise themselves as something they weren’t…”cool” (similar to the classic New Balance shoes I wore in the mid 90’s before every Shoe Carnival in North America started stocking them, which is obviously where GDI’s shop for footwear). The key to my success has been I wore croakies, sperry’s, pocket T’s, Brooks Brothers polo, seersucker, madras, wayfarers, etc. before f-ing J Crew, A&F, A&E, etc.. decided it would be cool to market the ‘good life’ style to terds across the country. The difference between GDI’s & classic Fraternity men, falls on the sole fact that we will rock the same classic apparel as our fathers for generations to come, while GDI’s will continue to chase dreams of the next gay A&F catalog. Douchebag GDI’s can’t disguise themselves for long without blowing their own cover (usually by wearing cargo shorts with a nice polo, etc.). I wouldn’t worry about it too much. They will move on eventually or simply self-destruct. I could try to disguise a fresh, steamy dog terd by putting a pair of costas & croakies on it, but at the end of the day it will still be a terd. Same with GDI;s trying to dress out of their league.
Leave A Reply