Fratting 101: A Field Guide to GDI’s (Lesson #10)

It is unquestioned that it is easy to spot a GDI; the differences between them and ourselves can be seen from a mile away.  However, we cannot simply use the term “GDI” with the mindset that all GDI’s the same.  Douchbaggery actually comes in many different forms, each of which presents a different annoyance to the fratty society.  In this guide, we will give you an introduction to some of the most common types of GDI so that you may more effectively identify and avoid them.

Gelled Hair Meatbag

Natural Habitat:  Working out 5 times a day; Local Raves
Interests:  Steroids, Hair Gel, Roofies, Axe Body Spray
How to Handle:  You will rarely see these individuals out on the town, as they are innately aware of their inability to function in fratty social situations.  If confronted with a meatbag, sarcastically compliment his Abercrombie muscle shirt.

Goth
 

Natural Habitat:  We really don’t know.  Maybe doing incantations in the woods.
Interests:  Wicca, Death Metal, Disturbing Poetry
How to Handle:  Don’t worry:  the goth is more afraid of you than you are of him/her.  If they were to confront you with their usual rant about you being a “conformist”, just walk away while confidently thinking that while we all wear different colored polo shirts, they all only wear black.

Nerd

Natural Habitat:  In front of his computer or local Magic:  The Gathering club
Interests:  Science fiction, online gaming, animated pornography
How to Handle:  You will never, ever see these people outside of class.  You won’t have to sit beside them there, either, because they actually get to class on time.

Hippie

Natural Habitat:  Coffee shops, women’s studies classes, sleeping outdoors
Interests:  Body odor, tie-dye, avoiding soap and water
How to Handle:  Stay as far away from as possible to avoid the smell

Wannabe Surfer

Natural Habitat:  May be seen out at bars in full Hollister attire
Interests:  Puka shells, bleach, cargo shorts
How to Handle:  These GDI’s are basically harmless.  Be on the lookout for freshmen wannabe surfers, as we have reports of many attempting to rush fraternities

Protesters

Natural Habitat:  Crowded parts of campus
Interests:  Decrying corporate power, eating animals, concentration of wealth, and other ideals that fratdaddies and sorostitutes hold dear
How to Handle:  These GDI’s would like nothing more than to draw you into a shouting match.  Be the bigger man/woman, and rest easy knowing that you have better things to do than standing in front of the student union holding a sign