Frat Hard With Facebook

Since its inception only a couple of years ago, Facebook has evolved into a globally known online yearbook primarily for college students. Now in early 2007, it is rather difficult to locate a college student without a Facebook account. Unfortunately, your Professors of Fratology have witnessed fratty individuals diminishing their fratitude and giving into douchebaggery with their gross misuse of Facebook. It is now time to provide an educational article that so many fratdaddies and sorostitutes desperately need. After reading this, you will then know how to properly frat hard with Facebook.

Why Do I Need a Facebook Account?

You do not necessarily need a Facebook account, but you probably already have one. It can provide for a fratty asset when used properly. Facebook should only be used for the following:

1.) Remembering names;
Ex: “What was the name of that girl I shacked with last night?”

2.) Remembering faces;
Ex: “I went on a date with him freshmen year, but I can’t remember what he looks like.

3.) Examining the physique of another;
Ex: “John, my girlfriend’s pledge sister thinks you’re hot.”

4.) Determining General Information About Another.
Ex: “When is Jessica’s birthday?”

The Profile Picture

There are a few rules of thumb for your profile picture:

1.) First, you should have a picture and it must be of yourself. Nobody wants to looks at a blue question mark or a picture of some celebrity that you have never met.

2.) It should be a current picture, meaning your picture should not be over a year old. A lot can change in a year, like gaining 50 pounds.

3.) You and only you should be in the picture. How can John figure out how the sorostitute looks if there are seven people in the picture? There is one exception to this rule; if you are in a serious relationship with a fratdaddy or sorostitute, you are allowed to display a picture of the two of you.

4.) The picture should only show you in your normal, fratty state. This means you should be featured in frat gear, be it normal everyday frat wear or dressy frat attire if the picture is from a formal or cocktail.

Basic Rules of Thumb For The About Me/Education Section

1) Relationship Status: If you are in a real relationship, having the relationship status in view is acceptable. Some sorostitutes have engaged in mock relationship status posts, which have them, for example, married to or engaged to one of their pledge sisters. This was funny at first, but has now lost its humor. Avoid it.

2) Quotes should be concise and humorous if possible. If you have more than five quotes, no one with a life will take the time to read them all. The best quotes are usually those from fellow fratdaddies and sorostitutes, as inside jokes are fratty in their exclusivity. During our studies, we have noticed several sorostitutes with Sex and the City quotes that go on for days. If you’re going to quote a movie or TV show, keep it short. Most of the space in this section should be reserved for humorous quips from drunktaneous friends.

3) Activities and Favorites: Keep this short and frat. Your fraternity or sorority should be the first thing mentioned here. You don’t have to put things like, “partying” or “going out”. As you are a fratty person, these things are assumed. As for actual content, if the activity is not fratty, it should not be listed.

4) About Me: A life story is not necessary. A brief statement about where you are from and what you are involved in on campus will suffice.

5) We’ve said it several times above, but it bears repeating…keep it as short as possible. Sorostitutes can get away with a longer profile than fratdaddies. The fradaddy’s page should be kept to an absolute minimum. If you have time to make a page that, if printed, would kill an entire forest worth of paper, then frat took an unacceptably long lunch break.

Groups

Groups are acceptable only if they are fratty. Use your common sense. If the word “frat” is in the group name, then it is probably fratty. If you are invited to an unfratty group, quickly reject the invitation. Creating groups is acceptable in rare circumstances. For instance, groups are often useful for the furtherance of fratty inside jokes. It is also acceptable to create a group for the furtherence of fratty education. The creation of a FrattingHard.com group that could introduce fratty education to the uninitiated would serve this purpose. Any group of which you are a member should be free of a political agenda. No “Save Our Animals,” “We Will Rock The Vote,” etc. Facebook is not the place for making a difference.

Friends

Be friends only with people you are friends with. If you think that adding random people is a way to show how many friends you actually have, do a search on your school and notice how many “friends” are listed on many douchebag profiles. This is almost always a result of random friendage. If you get a friend request from someone you don’t know, reject it (unless they look fratty, because you probably actually met them, but were too drunktaneous to remember). But remember: you are in a fraternity or sorority…you don’t have to accept people you don’t know to have hundreds of friends.

Photos

Why did Facebook add this feature? We bet it was probably to make you waste fratting hard time on their website. Fratdaddies, you should not even own a camera, other that the one that is probably on your cell phone, which you should also never use. The only acceptable photo upload from a fratdaddy is abnormally fratty pictures from parties. Sorostitutes, you can get away with more here as well, but don’t overdo it.

Status/Messaging/Wall Writing/Notes/Poking

For the most part, these features are not fratty and you should steer clear of them. If you need to talk to someone, pick up your cell phone. These features are acceptable only if you are announcing something fratty that you recently did or are shortly about to do. An example of an appropriate wall message would be: “Jennifer, those 12 jager bombs at the bar nearly killed me. Thanks for doing my laundry before you left this morning. I’m about to go to my beachhouse, play golf, then get a keg and take the yacht out to sea. See you next week.”

Time Limit Per Day

With the limited amount of uses that you should have for Facebook, you should not logon to your account for more than a few minutes each day, if that. Spend your free time fratting hard and lastly, follow our guideline so you do not end up like this guy.

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