The following is the procedure and format for this year’s contest.  First, we will take your frattiest school nomination via Facebook.  If you have not already, please add Douglas Neidermeyer to your friend list.  Then, send Doug a Facebook message with the name of your school nomination in the subject heading.  Each student may make only one nomination and nominations on Doug’s wall, the comments section, our e-mail account, etc., will not count.  The deadline for school nominations is this Saturday.  Next, Doug and Eric, or a pledge, will read all the nominations and seed the top 64 schools.  The tournament featuring your top 64 nominations will tip off the following Thursday.

We just added a whole lot of madness to your already fratty March, so crack open a fratwater and begin contemplating your nomination for the frattiest school that will forever be enshrined in the Hall of Frat.

Needless to say, your humble professors recommend that you do NOT attempt to incinerate any of your brothers and/or pledges.  In fact, its a good rule of thumb to resist setting any other human being on fire.

Confratulations to Drew McCart of Kansas State, the February 2010 Fratdaddy of the Month.  Drew can be seen here fratting hard at the castle with fellow fratdaddies and sorostitutes.  He is also known to frat hard around the campus in Manhattan and beyond.  Note the solo cup in Drew’s hand wrapped in a Coast koozie, an essential accessory in the world of frat.  Congrats again to Drew, who will receive an award of a free “winyah” polo, courtesy of Coast Apparel.

For more information on how you can become the next Fratdaddy/Sorostitute of the Month, please click here.

ex. After 2 to 1′ing my brothers at the bar, I somehow ended up shacking with a former sorostitute grad-student at her home 15 miles from campus.  Her husband was quite upset.

One of these experiences…and it’s one that is honored and vital to the development of the fratty lifestyle over time…is living in the fraternity house.  Mr. Douchebag, I see you out there, reading this paragraph and saying, “Living in a frat house is no different than living in a dorm.”  First, Mr. Douchebag, take off that ridiculous Tap Out hat.  You’re 120 lbs. and had to drop “Coaching Tennis 102″ because your physician said you bruise too easily.  Second, living in a frat castle is so far removed from living in a dorm that only the simplest of minds would make a parallel between the two.

Living in the fraternity house has many advantages.  First of all, you will never be wanting for a party…the party literally comes to you.  We need not go into planned band parties, swaps, and the like; we all know what those are and the virtues they hold.  The great thing about fraternity house living, though, is the random Tuesday night gatherings that start with 3 of your brothers inviting some girls over to enjoy some fratwater and watch some TV, and ends with 120 people, 5 handles, multiple cases, and someone to run out in the morning to get you a chicken biscuit.  When you’re living in the fratcastle, you need only step outside of your room to take full advantage of these opportunities.

Of course, there are some downsides.  Many fratdaddies would prefer to live in a situation, such as an apartment, condo, or private house, where they have more privacy.  Many fratcastles feature bathrooms with several stalls, showers in a line with differing levels of coverage, etc.  These aren’t all bad, however.  There’s nothing like starting the day at a healthy 10 AM when you go to the bathroom to drain the whiskey from the night before and catch a shave, and there’s a fratpotato in the shower who needs some assistance washing some of those hard to reach areas.  Yes, you should be glad to help.  Yes, you can also send HER out to get you a chicken biscuit.  However, etiquette holds that you should instruct her to bring whatever fratdaddy she shacked with some breakfast as well.   The bathroom is also a place where you may find yourself pressed into unwanted responsibilities.  For some reason, the soothing sound of the toilet process is hypnotic to the most drunktaneous of fratdaddies, and you may find your brothers passed out on the bathroom floor on occasion.  Remember to quickly carry/help him to his room, and leave a polite note on his face informing him of his questionable paternity.

Speaking of breakfast, one of the greatest aspects of living in the fraternity house is the food.  Well…let me rephrase that…it’s the availability of food.  Having your meals cooked for you as soon as you walk in the door is a plus, even if the food is, in some houses, of questionable quality.  Your professors have sampled many sorority house meals over the years, and we can unequivocally say that the ladies have better grub than we gentlemen do, but you take what you can get.  If you are displeased with a certain meal you are having on a certain day, pull out your fratberry and invite a sorostitute to come eat lunch with you.  This may seem counterintuitive, but do it and watch the magic of the female brain unfold.  Knowing that your fraternity food is inferior than hers, but not wanting to decline an invitation from a respected fratdaddy, she will say that you should come to her house for lunch instead because it’s (insert food she likes) Day at Sorostitute Manor.  Bingo…your reverse psychology has netted you free, quality lunch at a sorority house.

Within the fraternity house, your room is your sanctuary.  It’s where you sleep, where you shack, and where you would theoretically study had you bought books this semester.  Be sure to have it fully stocked with all the necessities of college life:  snacks, “safety devices”, fratwater, and at least a little higher quality libation for those times when a private party spills over from the greater party going on elsewhere in the fratcastle.  Do not be the person on the hall whose room emits a stench that hinders the shacking opportunities of your neighbors…wash  dirty clothes and your sheets on occasion.  If you have a sorostitute of choice, she will often be willing to perform these functions…not out of servitude, but out of fear for her own health and safety.  Of course, your room should always be spic and span during the course of your house’s pledgeship.

These are just a few helpful tips on fratcastle living.  The greatest tip of all, however, is this:  do not let your college years pass you by without living in the fratcastle for at least a year.  The experiences you gain therein will be equal to any of the greatest moments of your colleges career.  We hope you are able to remember a good many of them.

It should be fairly clear as to why luxury vehicles have a place in our fratty vehicles countdown. Everyone knows that on a college campus, nothing says, “my family can buy and sell your family,” like one of the finer luxury automobiles. For this countdown, we decided to group a large collection of luxury vehicles together because there is not much of a fratological difference between an Audi, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Infiniti, Lexus, etc. We are mainly discussing vehicles manufactured by companies that our government does not have an equity stake in; therefore, a fully loaded Buick Rendezvous or similar vehicle is not part of this countdown.

This entry also does not include a couple of different types of vehicles that are indeed fratty, but are not practical to the typical undergraduate fratter. First, large luxury SUV’s, such as the Lexus LX 470, are post-grad fratty. These are used to haul fratlings, not pledges. That is why God created the Frathoe. You can graduate to the luxury level after you walk across the stage, get a ring on your finger, and/or have one cooking in the oven. Next, vehicles that are at the top of the line or exotics, such as the Mercedes-Benz S600, BMW 7-Series, Ferrari’s, Bentley’s, etc., are for successful post-grad fratters. In the frat life, you should go through the hierarchy of vehicles, not just hop in a Ferrari at age sixteen. Again, that does not mean those vehicles are not fratty. There is just a time and place for them after fratting hard as an undergraduate.

That leads us to what is included in this fratty countdown. The two primary categories are fratty luxury cars and fratty luxury SUV’s. Cars are acceptable for fratdaddies and sorostitutes. However, the SUV’s are only for sorostitutes. No fratdaddy should be making frat laps in an M-Class; this is not because the car is inherently not fratty, but rather reflects the fact that there are frattier (and more utilitarian) SUV choices for the fratdaddy. Obviously, a Frathoe is better for hauling the boat and “camping” trips than a BMW.

These vehicles are fratty for several reasons, with the first obviously being the luxury aspect. There is nothing like using heated seats to “toast your buns” on the way home from the bar and using the factory GPS system so you can actually find your way home from the bar. Also, the price tags of these vehicles, while not the most expensive, still prices out GDI’s and reminds them that they are too poor to be frat everytime they see one on campus. Finally, these vehicles carry almost instant frat credibility. If you spot someone behind the wheel of a vehicle in this countdown, then you do not have to wonder, “if they are in a fraternity or sorority,” but “what fraternity or sorority.” In conclusion, if you want to frat hard on wheels, then you cannot go GDI with one of the vehicles that would qualify under this countdown.

]]> http://frattinghard.com/fratty-vehicle-countdown-3-luxury-vehicles/feed/ 36 http://frattinghard.com/douche-off-3/ http://frattinghard.com/douche-off-3/#comments Fri, 12 Feb 2010 16:49:37 +0000 Doug Neidermeyer http://frattinghard.com/?p=1248 I’ve posted this one 4 times before and it never gets old.

Well I declare, it is getting hot in here…

Come get it, ladies…

Little boy red, go blow your horn…

He wants to show you his pokemans….

115 lbs. of fury

Instructions from photographer:  Look very confused.

Leonado and Douchatello

Like fratting hard, douchebaggery is a lifetime pursuit

Warning:  if this doesn’t scare you, you are unscarable

As yet, there is no known weight lifting technique that can cure horseteeth

Uh….yeah…that is a blouse.

Favorite YouTube Video:
Frat: Football team highlight videos from previous season
GDI:

Most Recently Posted Facebook Photo Album:
Frat: None, but tagged repeatedly in sorostitutes’ “My Drunktaneous Formal” album
GDI: “My Trip to the Cleveland Star Wars Convention”

Most Recent Twitter Post:
Frat:  Large reward for whoever finds where I parked my Frathoe last night
GDI:  Small reward for whoever finds my custom Klingon ultimate frisbee

In Class, I Use My Laptop To:
Frat:  Analyze upcoming sporting events to decide best wagering strategy
GDI:  Use graphic calculator function to determine probability of remaining a virgin until death