We feel it is our duty to keep the fratty community informed when we find a product that we personally test & find is of very high quality.  Today, I’d like to let you know about some sunglasses that I recently purchased; if you’re in the market for new fratgoggles, then you should definitely give these strong consideration.

Maui Jim Ka’anapali

I have been a loyal Costa wearer for years, but after losing my 7th pair I decided that the fates wanted me to go in a different direction.  The FrattingHard.com Ladies’ Auxiliary had recently purchased a pair of Maui Jim’s, and being very satisfied with their quality she suggested that I give them ample consideration while making my ultimate decision.

At my local sunglasses emporium, the salesman directed me to the pair of fratgoggles pictured above: the Maui Jim Ka’anapali.  They are, without a doubt, the best pair of sunglasses I have ever owned.  First of all, as you have probably guessed from the fact that I’ve lost so many pairs in the past, I’m rough on sunglasses.  When you’re fratting hard, you must have the following attitude towards material possessions:  “Screw it, I’ll buy another.”  This goes for cell phones, golf clubs, and any other high ticket item that the normal GDI would guard like a level 29 goblin with max charisma.  These Maui Jim’s have titanium frames that can be bent, pulled, prodded, and snap right back into shape.

Second, their comfort is unparallelled.  The titanium is light as a feather (only 10 grams), the nosepads are small (and adjustable), and the frames slight bow out from your face.  In sum, these features could make you forget you’re even wearing sunglasses were it not for their excellent lenses (which you know you’re getting with any Maui Jim, Costa, or Ray Ban product).

It doesn’t matter how much they cost; if you want them, just go buy them.  But for you douchebags wondering how much we’re paying for them, their suggested retail price is $259.99.  In addition to the bronze, they can also be had with grey or rose lenses.

Amazon.com Listing

Dave Matthews Band

Find a post-grad fratter old enough, and there’s a chance that they saw DMB play at your fraternity house when they were just starting out.  Now one of the most famous jam-bands in the world, and prolific purveyor of stickers for sorostitutes’ cars, this band played many frat castles before they hit the big time.

Good luck getting them into your band room now…unless you pull one of the all time great frat tabbing sessions in history (which would be a TFM), chances are you don’t have the cash in your house’s coffers to snag these boys back to campus.  But that’s ok, because (among other sundry “groups”) DMB concerts are often prime gathering spots for fratdaddies and sorostitutes.

Many have said (and your professor agrees) that their offerings as of late are inferior to the fratty staples that are “Under the Table and Dreaming”, “Crash”, and “Before These Crowded Streets”.  Nevertheless, many quality DMB tracks still find a home on the fratty MP3 player, and many a Plan A deal has been sealed with a glass of sour mash & “Crush” playing softly over the Frathoe speakers.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=1386472798

The same monthly poll has been up for months because, honestly, we forgot we had a monthly poll.  Doesn’t time fly when you’re drunk as hell?

Anyway, look to the right side of the page and let us know where you are in your fratting career.

We’ve finished up running down the Top 5 Frattiest TV shows of all time, and our plan was to do the Top 5 Frattiest Movies next.  However, there’s several countdowns that we’ve been mulling over, so we’ve decided to let the readers pick which countdown they want to see next.  Make your selection below…we’ll be running the poll until Sunday night.  Whichever category wins will have the #5 frattiest item posted on Monday.

 Loading ...

Magnum P.I.

Let us assure you, our search for the #1 Fratty TV show was not easy.  We both watched hundreds of hours of select footage, and downed copious amounts of fratwater in the process…all in the hopes that we would uncover a shining jewel of fratty TV magic.  We could have taken the easy way out, and make "College Gameday", or some other obvious choice, the #1 show.  However, this is NOT a popularity contest.  We looked to the content of the show itself, and the fratitude inherent therein, and this analysis rendered one result:  Tom Selleck’s (Sigma Chi, University of Southern California) Magnum P.I. is the #1 show on our Fratty TV Countdown.

How is this show fratty?  Let us count the ways.  This show was ahead of its time in terms of its fratty content.  Rarely was Thomas Magnum ever seen without his croakies, Patagonia-style shorts (complete with an inseam that only the frattiest of fratdaddies can pull off), and Polo pony on his breast.  But he didn’t stop with a fratty wardrobe.  He lived in a mansion he didn’t even own…he had it because he used his post-grad networking skills to live an unearned life of luxury.  He didn’t have a Frathoe….but the sorostitutes of the 80’s wanted the sexiest of rides, and he did not disappoint in his Ferrari (which, as you can see in the opening, he often took off-road).  His profession, a private investigator, is not a classic fratty profession.  However, his freelancing lifestyle gave him ample time to down fratwater at the local country club, pursue numerous Plan A’s, and in general frat hard every day…in essence, he achieved glorious fratty ends through uncommonly fratty means.

It gives us great pleasure to award the frattiest television show to Magnum P.I. In general, Magnum P.I. had it all – a country club, beachfront estates, fast foreign cars, multi million dollar parties, fratty clothing, and helicopters just to name a few. If you ever need to fill up your frat gland, then by all means kick back with a fratwater and put in a DVD of Magnum P.I. You will not regret it. 

Entourage

Millions of dollars, hundreds of women, minimal work, and a general laissez faire attitude towards life…those are the fratty lessons that the boys of Entourage seek to teach us. 

We understand that this show has some high negatives in the context of its fratitude.  Yes, we are well aware that most every person on this show dresses like a gigantic douche.  Yes, we are aware that Hollywood is not known as a hotbed of fratting hard.  However, the positives are so high that they not only get this show on the list, but they very nearly rocketed it to #1.  This is true despite the episode where Drama had to do that thing with the bunny suit…

We literally don’t know where to begin.  It’s as good a start as any to map out the typical day for Vinny and the boys.  Wake up whenever.  Hit some golf balls off your private driving range.  Head out for brunch at an expensive restaurant.  On the way home, pick up Plan A’s at a traffic light just by looking at them.  Return home for extended session at the pool with aforementioned Plan A’s, followed by an even more extended shacking session.  Take a nap.  Wake up, go to a party in Malibu, knock down copious amounts of fratwater, and then pick out another Plan A for the rest of the evening.  If anyone can show us a frattier day on any TV show, we’d like to see it.

Closely guarding this lifestyle is Ari Gold (Zeta Beta Tau, Harvard University), who had a business attitude that all post-grad fratters should aspire to have.  He loves money, power, and status.  He hates assistants, people that don’t do what he says, and getting in trouble with the Mrs.  Most of all, he has an almost orgasmic pleasure for firing people that don’t do what he wants. 

Of course, Ari doesn’t leave his fratdaddy attitude at the office…

But we digress.  Also undeniably fratty is the way that Vinny and the crew spend money.  Four Aston Martins?  Done.  Marlon Brando’s house?  Sign the check.  Trip to Vegas for the weekend?  Any time.  $300,000 on one hand of blackjack????

Dealer busts, and so do you if you’re missing out on this show.

Sportscenter

You come in from a day at the lake, you plop down on your couch, you flip on your 42 inch flatscreen, and it’s time to pick a channel.  What’s the first channel you surf to?  9 out of 10 fratdaddies will answer this question, "ESPN." 

The fratdaddy prides himself on having wide knowledge of a variety of different sports, especially college football, the NFL, and MLB (and, if there was absolutely nothing else to bet on that day, the WNBA).  There’s simply no better source for the previous day’s scores, highlights, and lowlights as ESPN’s flagship, Sportscenter.  If TV viewing was a diet, Sportscenter is the fratdaddy’s staple food.  It is to your television as cheap beer is to a rush party, bourbon is to a tailgate, and the triple bacon Whopper is to the Plan X.  Just as the GDI gets his most vital daily information from the G4 channel, the fratdaddy gets his from Sportscenter.

It’s on when you wake up in the morning.  If you don’t wake up for morning, it’s on in the afternoon.  If you don’t wake up for the afternoon, it’s still on at night.  If you watched it, but you were too drunktaneous to remember if you covered or not, don’t worry…the same show’s coming on again. 

Let’s not discount the frattiness of working at ESPN, either.  A Sportscenter anchor gets paid for wearing a designer suit, talking about sports, and often making witty remarks about athletes at times of great embarrassment and failure.  More than one fratdaddy has chosen this line of work as their way to maximize post-grad fratting potential (Trey Wingo, Phi Delta Theta, Baylor University; Scott Van Pelt, Pi Kappa Alpha, University of Maryland; Rich Eisen, Pi Kappa Phi, University of Michigan; Dan Patrick, Phi Sigma Kappa, University of Dayton).

We’d talk about it some more, but Sportscenter is coming on.