The wise young man & woman enters rush with both hopefulness and fear: hopefulness that their natural, untapped fratitude will help to place them in a top house, and fear that their lack of fratucation thus far will lead them to commit a dreaded rush faux pas. This fear is healthy…it leads to rushees that are mindful of their status as someone that must conduct themselves with the utmost level of fratitude possible for an unmolded mind.

However, some are not so wise: they enter rush with a sense of entitlement and arrogance. From these unfortunate few, many rush mistakes emerge.

In the comments below, tell us the worst rush mistakes that you have observed in your time in the Greek community. The rushee that hits on every brother’s girlfriend? The one that shows up in three puka necklaces and hairgel? The one that goes out with the brothers and orders a Smirnoff Ice? Let us hear it all.

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I originally was going to call this guy a douchebag, but then we got a call from the Douchebag Union to let us know that even they won’t claim him. All I can say is that he not only went home, but when he got home, home was his parents’ basement.

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We recently received a question from a reader about what to do when you attend a university that does not “traditionally have a strong Greek system”. It is an unfortunate, yet unquestioned, truth that some colleges and universities have Greek houses that are literally riddled with douchebaggery. It is important to note that this does NOT mean that there aren’t fratdaddies and sorostitutes at these places that frat as hard as anyone else; however, the ratio of fratting hard to going home is much closer at these colleges than any of us would wish it to be.

If you are at one of these colleges, the situation is not hopeless. In fact, there are some things that you, an individual fratdaddy or sorostitute, can do to boost the fratitude of your school. Remember these three important rules for increased university fratification:

1) Work from the inside out
2) Lead by example
3) Watch fratmosis at work

Work From the Inside Out and Lead By Example
These two rules are combined because they work very closely together. The most important thing that you can do to try to boost your school’s fratitude is personally fratting as hard as possible at all times. Logic dictates that when you frat hard, you will reap all the benefits that come along with doing so. Will those around you in your own house stand idly by while they watch this? Of course not; they will frat harder as well. Meanwhile, if you see members of your house douching so hard you smell the vinegar (which, unfortunately, does occasionally happen), take it upon yourself to show them the error of their ways. This may be done passively (”Do you want to go to Brooks Brothers and the liquor store?”) or actively (”Please come over here so I can rip that damn choker necklace off your throat.”)

Watch Fratmosis At Work
How will upping the fratitude in your house serve to upgrade the entire Greek system? It won’t be overnight, but eventually your system will improve by a system called fratmosis. Explained simply, when one or more houses are operating at a higher level of fratitude than other houses, the lower houses must either absorb the excess fratitude and frat harder or risk being completely overwhelmed and driven from the competitive fratmosphere. For example, if your house is having shot parties while another is sponsoring a PS3 tournament, where do you think the sorostitutes are going to be? This is what we fratty professors call “frat Darwinism”…the frattiest of the frat will distinguish themselves and survive, while natural selections will leave the unfratty with no home to go home to.

Spring break is upon us here in the world of frat. It is a time for abundant shacking and chronic drunktaneousness. Similar to formals, spring break provides an opportunity to frat hard away from the confines of the typically university setting. Most fratdaddies and sorostitutes formulate their spring break plans months in advance. If you have yet to make plans because you are a hungover procrastinator, do not worry. Consult fellow sorostitutes and fratdaddies to establish your spring break plans. The information to follow demonstrates how to come back to campus with a damaged liver, beautiful bronze look, and with enough fratty stories to make a GDI’s head explode.

Where Should I Go?
Spring break is not a time to go home, both literally and figuratively. The typical places to go involve large bodies of water, particularly oceans. The reasoning behind this is numerous and will be further articulated in the “What Should I Do?” section. The easiest place to select is the one in which most of the fratty people at your school will be located. This will provide for many common faces, as well as guarding against the possibility that unfamiliar faces may have an affinity for douchebaggery. Cruises are a fratty spring break alternative and still involve being on a body of water. If enough fratdaddies and sorostitutes will accompany you, cruises can provide the same fratmosphere as a beach. Some fratdaddies and sorostitues desire to spend their spring break on the slopes. While this is fratty, this is spring break, not winter break. Grey skies and full-body clothing do not allow for bronzing and aesthetically pleasing views giving to us by bikinis and two-inch inseams skim trunks. Remember, your plans should involve leaving campus and not “going home.”

Where Should I Stay?
The key here is to take the frat castle with you, meaning find accommodations that will allow you to stay with several of your brothers and sisters. This is best accomplished by renting, or if possible, buying a house. Also, the chances are great that at least one fratdaddy or sorostitute will have rich parents who own a vacation home at your spring break location of choice. The advantages here are numerous: house parties, excluding GDI’s from your house parties, increased shacking opportunities, etc. The biggest advantage to a beach house is the ability to have a group that is as loud and drunktaneous as you want to be without worrying about ending up in the local lock-up. This, along with the sheer spatial advantages (including more privacy for the numerous shacking opportunities) makes the beach house an easy choice. If for some reason you cannot get a house for spring break, find other accommodations, such as a luxury hotel, but by all means do not “go home.”

What Should I Do?
Obviously, alcohol should be in the fratmosphere at all times or else the fratmosphere becomes a douchebagosphere. Don’t be the person to put a hole in the fratmosphere. This means that an alcoholic beverage should be in your hands every second that you are not passed out during spring break - no exceptions. Assuming you are on a beach or on a gigantic ship during the day, you have a great fratty opportunity to bronze. Nobody on campus wants to see some ghoulish-like creature after spring break. There are few things in fratlife that are better than getting drunktaneous, evaluating shacking opportunities, and bronzing at the same time. Other fratty activities are available if you do not fell compelled to purely bronze. These include golf, deep-sea fishing, and sailing. While these activities should not encompass your entire spring break, working one or more into your spring break activities can make for a frattier spring break. Nighttime should involve going out, house parties, or a combination. This is rather self-explanatory and should not deviate much from the way you handle them while at school.

Summary
In sum, leaving campus, going to a fratty location with fratdaddies and sorostitutes, moving the frat castle, and getting drunktaneous will ensure for a fratty spring break. After doing this, everything will fall into frat.

Since its inception only a couple of years ago, Facebook has evolved into a globally known online yearbook primarily for college students. Now in early 2007, it is rather difficult to locate a college student without a Facebook account. Unfortunately, your Professors of Fratology have witnessed fratty individuals diminishing their fratitude and giving into douchebaggery with their gross misuse of Facebook. It is now time to provide an educational article that so many fratdaddies and sorostitutes desperately need. After reading this, you will then know how to properly frat hard with Facebook.

Why Do I Need a Facebook Account?

You do not necessarily need a Facebook account, but you probably already have one. It can provide for a fratty asset when used properly. Facebook should only be used for the following:

1.) Remembering names;
Ex: “What was the name of that girl I shacked with last night?”

2.) Remembering faces;
Ex: “I went on a date with him freshmen year, but I can’t remember what he looks like.

3.) Examining the physique of another;
Ex: “John, my girlfriend’s pledge sister thinks you’re hot.”

4.) Determining General Information About Another.
Ex: “When is Jessica’s birthday?”

The Profile Picture

There are a few rules of thumb for your profile picture:

1.) First, you should have a picture and it must be of yourself. Nobody wants to looks at a blue question mark or a picture of some celebrity that you have never met.

2.) It should be a current picture, meaning your picture should not be over a year old. A lot can change in a year, like gaining 50 pounds.

3.) You and only you should be in the picture. How can John figure out how the sorostitute looks if there are seven people in the picture? There is one exception to this rule; if you are in a serious relationship with a fratdaddy or sorostitute, you are allowed to display a picture of the two of you.

4.) The picture should only show you in your normal, fratty state. This means you should be featured in frat gear, be it normal everyday frat wear or dressy frat attire if the picture is from a formal or cocktail.

Basic Rules of Thumb For The About Me/Education Section

1) Relationship Status: If you are in a real relationship, having the relationship status in view is acceptable. Some sorostitutes have engaged in mock relationship status posts, which have them, for example, married to or engaged to one of their pledge sisters. This was funny at first, but has now lost its humor. Avoid it.

2) Quotes should be concise and humorous if possible. If you have more than five quotes, no one with a life will take the time to read them all. The best quotes are usually those from fellow fratdaddies and sorostitutes, as inside jokes are fratty in their exclusivity. During our studies, we have noticed several sorostitutes with Sex and the City quotes that go on for days. If you’re going to quote a movie or TV show, keep it short. Most of the space in this section should be reserved for humorous quips from drunktaneous friends.

3) Activities and Favorites: Keep this short and frat. Your fraternity or sorority should be the first thing mentioned here. You don’t have to put things like, “partying” or “going out”. As you are a fratty person, these things are assumed. As for actual content, if the activity is not fratty, it should not be listed.

4) About Me: A life story is not necessary. A brief statement about where you are from and what you are involved in on campus will suffice.

5) We’ve said it several times above, but it bears repeating…keep it as short as possible. Sorostitutes can get away with a longer profile than fratdaddies. The fradaddy’s page should be kept to an absolute minimum. If you have time to make a page that, if printed, would kill an entire forest worth of paper, then frat took an unacceptably long lunch break.

Groups

Groups are acceptable only if they are fratty. Use your common sense. If the word “frat” is in the group name, then it is probably fratty. If you are invited to an unfratty group, quickly reject the invitation. Creating groups is acceptable in rare circumstances. For instance, groups are often useful for the furtherance of fratty inside jokes. It is also acceptable to create a group for the furtherence of fratty education. The creation of a FrattingHard.com group that could introduce fratty education to the uninitiated would serve this purpose. Any group of which you are a member should be free of a political agenda. No “Save Our Animals,” “We Will Rock The Vote,” etc. Facebook is not the place for making a difference.

Friends

Be friends only with people you are friends with. If you think that adding random people is a way to show how many friends you actually have, do a search on your school and notice how many “friends” are listed on many douchebag profiles. This is almost always a result of random friendage. If you get a friend request from someone you don’t know, reject it (unless they look fratty, because you probably actually met them, but were too drunktaneous to remember). But remember: you are in a fraternity or sorority…you don’t have to accept people you don’t know to have hundreds of friends.

Photos

Why did Facebook add this feature? We bet it was probably to make you waste fratting hard time on their website. Fratdaddies, you should not even own a camera, other that the one that is probably on your cell phone, which you should also never use. The only acceptable photo upload from a fratdaddy is abnormally fratty pictures from parties. Sorostitutes, you can get away with more here as well, but don’t overdo it.

Status/Messaging/Wall Writing/Notes/Poking

For the most part, these features are not fratty and you should steer clear of them. If you need to talk to someone, pick up your cell phone. These features are acceptable only if you are announcing something fratty that you recently did or are shortly about to do. An example of an appropriate wall message would be: “Jennifer, those 12 jager bombs at the bar nearly killed me. Thanks for doing my laundry before you left this morning. I’m about to go to my beachhouse, play golf, then get a keg and take the yacht out to sea. See you next week.”

Time Limit Per Day

With the limited amount of uses that you should have for Facebook, you should not logon to your account for more than a few minutes each day, if that. Spend your free time fratting hard and lastly, follow our guideline so you do not end up like this guy.

TO-x-lVV0_4

Where do I even begin? Necktie with K-Mart quality striped shirt…hooded sweatshirts…and, worst of all, a blooper video for rush purposes? This couldn’t get much worse.

The sacred art of rush should not be infringed upon in the manner seen in this video. The truly fratty need not resort to such pedestrian tactics; the best houses have potential pledges thinking, “Please rush me.” They do not have the brothers making amateur Jackass videos in their newest Aeropostale attire screaming, “Rush (insert desperate house here).”

Most likely, any potential quality pledges who viewed this video thought, “If I wanted to spend my time not fratting hard, I would just join the Chemistry club. They don’t frat any less than the guys in this video, and the girls there have low self esteem.”
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This video is indicative of a university that, unfortunately, has completely punted the need to frat hard. The tag line of this video is, “HOT, HOT, HOT!” This is an apt lesson for the video to teach, as this is a line that the school’s graduates will often repeat while advising their customers at McDonald’s that their coffee is, “HOT, HOT, HOT!” Please, do not take this as a slam upon the academic standards of the institution; it is simply an all too predictable conclusion that can be ascertained from seeing a student body that goes home so often.
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