As this picture clearly illustrates (click on the thumbnail to view the full image):

A reader recently wrote us to inform us about an old, dusty film reel that he found in the archives of his university’s Greek Affairs office.  He found some YouTube clips of the movie, and we, of course, turned it over to the Institute of Fratology’s College of Film and Theatre (producers of such invaluable documentaries as, “When Your Plan C Won’t Quit Calling” and “What That Smell in the Fratcastle Might Be”).

After a thorough analysis, our esteemed film experts have positively identified this piece as an early propaganda piece put out by the Forces of Global Douchebaggery.  Apparently, their strategy during the early 1960’s was a “if you can’t beat em’, make em’ become you” style attitude.  In other words, they wanted to douche up fraternities to the point where the fratdaddy would one day evolve to be indistinguishable from the GDI.

As we know now, thankfully, this strategy was an abject failure.  We can now look at their futile attempts and laugh:

Regular school is over, the slightly annoying GPA savers known as summer classes have started, fratdaddies and sorostitutes are out bronzing all over the country, and the time is upon us for the first DOUCHE-OFF of summer.  Let the douchebaggery commence:

For the love of all that is holy, son, insist on an all missionary honeymoon.

Yes, I’ve posted this before, but it’s worth another look.

When post-grad fratting goes wrong…

What an offer!  Get it while you can, my GDI friends…

The “My New Haircut” guy in 50 years…HGH!

This is so sad it’s not even funny.

Great parenting.

Remember “Beaker” from The Muppet Show?

You really should go to class occasionally…or else you might end up like this guy.

Oh…my……………………what a douche.

We have to think of a dictionary word for this.

The University of Wisconsin recently defeated the University of Florida in the National Collegiate Ultimate Frisbee Championship.  It’s important to remember in competitions like these that it’s not whether you win or lose…it’s that you are completely lacking a frat glad if you’re anywhere near it.

This article made us think, though…what are the least fratty things that you can win?

Funny we should ask…

THE FIVE LEAST FRATTY THINGS YOU CAN WIN

5)  Any online video game that a)  isn’t a sports game b)  you don’t play in conjunction with one of your brothers while taking the entire thing absolutely unseriously and c)  isn’t played while enjoying a refreshing fratwater.

4)  Any game that involves, involved, will involve, might involve, is reputed to involve, or is rumored to involve a dwarf (the mythical kind…not the kind that delight us on Little People, Big World).

3)  The love of a Plan E with a heart of gold, a twinkle in her one good eye, and a slight odor reminiscent of moth balls and Funyans.

2)  “Customer of the Month” from StarTrekErotica.com.

1)  Of course, the FrattingHard.com Douchebag Invitational.

Establishment of Choice

Frat: Bar hopping to multiple establishments frequented by sorostitutes
GDI: Bar that is “hopping” with aging hippies

Frattabbing

Frat: Tab on the credit card that is over 3 digits in under 30 minutes.
GDI: Drinking water after $10 bill found outside library runs out

Bartender’s Orders

Frat: Nothing but top shelf bourbon
GDI: Nothing but well vodka and cranberry

Time to Go Home

Frat: Leaves early with Plan A sorostitute
GDI: Leaves early to “party” with Plan A sorostitute’s beach trip pictures on Facebook

Tipping

Frat: Tip buys bartender a full tank of gas
GDI: Bartender refuses 75 cent tip out of sympathy

As all fratdaddies know, no night at the bars is complete without a long evening of frattabbing.  The art of frattabbing is a long revered practice in the fratty community, and shows potentional Plan A’s that you are are well capable of meeting her high-maintenance needs.  However, many douchebags lack the resources to frattab…after all, those pseudo-80’s Mario Brothers muscle shirts from Target cost almost $12 a pop.  As a public service, we offer this video to help our douchebag friends who want to have a night out, but tragically can’t even afford name-brand ramen noodles.

Here at FrattingHard.com, we are constantly exploring the fratmosphere for new trends that are emerging in fratty clothing.  After all, we can’t all live in the past…in order to survive, we must adapt.  As a wise man once said, “Tradition is overrated.”

Over the past few months, several trends have burst onto the fratty fashion scene which we would like to highlight.  Like all fads, these should be accepted and incorporated into your life immediately and without thought or question.

Bigger IS Always Better:  The Large Label Polo

Simply put, your polo shirts with small logos on the breast are outdated, and should be either burned or donated to charity, where they will be given to poor people who will burn them because even the homeless wouldn’t be caught dead in a Brooks Brother’s polo with that tiny Golden Fleece.  The Large Logo Polo is in, and the ladies down at the club can’t wait for you to get your hands on a closet full of them.  Suggested accessories:  sweat bands and henna tattoos.  

Show Your State Pride:  Vintage “State” T-Shirts

We’re all used to seeing the trite, overused shows of state pride that many fratdaddies and sorostitutes love to flaunt…the Palmetto tree for South Carolina, the Lone Star for Texas, the “classic” flag for Georgia…all are boring and tired.  How can you show your state pride while still showing your keen fashion sense?  Vintage “State” t-shirts off the internet.  In fact, any faux-vintage t-shirt will do.  Trust us, fellas…you put on your “Canada:  America’s Hat” shirt, and her drawers will come off.  

Get In Touch With Your Feminine Side, End Up Touching Her Feminine Side:  Eye Shadow

Why do women wear makeup?  Uhm…to look better.  So why aren’t you wearing it, as well?  A healthy dose of eye shadow tells the world, “I am comfortable in my own skin, and I don’t care if random people on the street think I’m carney folk.”  

If you’re wondering, this was an April Fool’s Day post.  If you thought we were serious, please seek help at the following link:  Don’t Click Here Unless You Thought We Were Serious