Advanced Fratting 501 (Post Grad Fratting)

Lesson 1 Lesson 2

After four or more years of fratting hard as an undergraduate, you will find yourself making the arduous transition to the “real world.” Even though leaving your alma mater may feel like an overwhelming obstacle, it is no excuse to completely abandon your fratty ways. The years following college can be the frattiest years of your life if you learn the complex art of “post-grad fratting,” a process that will ensure your continuation of fratting hard and never going home. To get you started, today’s lesson is a primer in the basics of living the frat life after your college days are over.

Post Grad Vehicle
Your Frathoe served you well as an undergraduate, but does getting your degree mean that it is time for a new ride? When it comes to the type of vehicle you choose to drive, you should retain the same standards you had as an undergraduate while adding a dash of luxury. The most important part of this process is making a step up to a better vehicle than you had when you were in school. To accomplish this, make sure that whatever you drive communicates your status as a fratty young professional. This can not be accomplished by going to work in your old Frathoe that saw so many beer runs, road trips, and curious stains from fellow fratdaddies whose late night Waffle House did not sit well with their previous liquid intake. There are two roads which you can go down to end up at your fratty destination. The first of these is the luxury car. Nothing screams fratty young professional like a brand new BMW 325i, Lexus ES330, or Mercedes Benz C230. As you work your way up the leadership ladder, you should then take road #2. This class includes fratty standards such as the Lexus LS430, Mercedes Benz S500, and BMW 745i. If you are a married sorostitute, with or expecting fratlings, a luxury SUV is a must. Acceptable models include the Mercedes M Class, BMW X5, Range Rover, or Lexus LX470. However, remember…you are still a sorostitute and not a soccer mom. Oversized sports stickers featuring the name(s) of your fratlings is completely unacceptable just as having more than one fraternity/sorority sticker on your college car was unacceptable.

Post Grad Attire
The post grad wardrobe has just a few subtle changes from the one you wore in college. College staples such as the Polo shirt is still perfectly acceptable outside the office. However, your newfound responsibilities bring you new challenges in selecting a fratty wardrobe. Acceptable office attire includes Brooks Brothers button downs, diagonally striped ties, and custom tailored suits. The latter is absolutely vital to the fratty office ensemble; remember: fratdaddies do not wear cheap suits. A good rule of thumb is that no suit you own should cost less than $500. JC Penney suits are not frat. Whenever possible, work in frat staples such as seersucker in the summer months. For casual Fridays (which are more appropriately titled “Keep It Frat Fridays”) you should break out your best polo shirt choices along with khaki pants and Topsiders.

Post-Grad Housing
The days of the Frat Castle, apartment, or rental house are over once you have fratted across the stage and received your degree. We cannot stress this enough: one of the frattiest things you can do as a young fratty professional is buying your own house (note: “buying your own house” can also include your dad buying a house for you and putting the deed in your name). The fratty home should include ample parking space for your new frat wheels, the largest television you can fit through your door, and a large area for hosting social functions. The latter should include, at minimum, a fully stocked wet bar that will make your 6th year senior friends prefer your home to the usual local bars. Although your rental days must definitely come to an end, buying your own luxury condo will suffice if you decide to forgo purchasing a full house. However, this must be a purchase…the days of rental are over. It is a total frat move to buy a condo, live in it for 2-4 years, and then turn it over for a huge profit with which to buy your own personal Frat Castle.
The preceding lesson just scratches the surface of the complex subject of post grad fratting. Additional lessons in the future will further your understanding of this subtle art. These lessons will include, the family, the occupation, and the post grad fratty vacation.

Any fratdaddy or sorostitute knows that being in a Greek house is like being part of a big family. You eat together, you hang out together, you party together. Therefore, it is not surprising that one of the cornerstones of post grad fratting is family life. It is definitely fratty for the young professional to play the field when they emerge from college. However, most fratdaddies and sorostitutes decide to finally settle down sometime after they establish themselves in the workplace and have their career on the fast track for success. In this lesson, we will lay out what it means to cultivate an environment of fratitude in one’s own family life after college is behind you and the rest of your life is ahead. Remember: frat never takes a day off, and this does not change when classes are over. In this lesson, we will cover the two most important components of the fratty family: the fratty spouse and the fratlings.

The Fratty Spouse

Without a doubt, the most important part of having a fratty family is choosing a fratty spouse. The ideal fratty spouse should be like you in many ways. The first, and most vital, concern is choosing a spouse who was also Greek. The reasons for this are multiple, and most are self explanatory. Second, their financial standing should be similar to or greater than your own. There’s nothing better than picking a sorostitute (or fratdaddy, for you ladies) who, upon marriage, immediately increases you net worth by a million dollars or so. Getting back to choosing a Greek spouse: the Greek experience is a common bond that you will share that will facilitate a better relationship between you. Ideally, you should have a spouse that graduated from the same institution that is written across your degree. This solves many problems, such as football or basketball season arguments about which games you are going to travel to see. When you’re sitting on the 50 yard line in Williams-Brice Stadium, it’s not fratty to have to shut up your wife who’s screaming in full Clemson garb. Also, having a Greek spouse will allow you to maximize your opportunities to get back on campus for some of the greatest moments in post grad fratting: alumni cocktails and formals.

The Fratty Fratlings

Eventually, you and your fratty spouse will decide to have fratlings (or you will be the .02 percent that may have good cause for a lawsuit against your contraception device of choice). Either way, having fratlings is no cause to frat any less hard than you usually do. On the contrary, it presents new challenges that will separate the fratty from the unfratty. For one, it allows you to continue the fratty legacy. There is no prouder moment than the first time you get a call at 2AM in the morning from your newly pledged fratling who accidentally dialed your number after a long night of fratting hard. Also, having fratlings gives you the opportunity to make a contribution back to global fratty education by personally training your fratlings to grow up to be fratty members of society. Take pride in the fact that while you and your spouse are sitting at the Little League game in your Brooks Brothers sport coat and Costas and Croakies, watching Future Fratdaddy IV knock another one over the fence, you are not a GDI living alone in a studio apartment, ordering take out, and taking the bus home.