There will come a time in almost every fratdaddy’s and sorostitute’s life when daddy decides to pull the plug on the funds he has continuously placed into their bank accounts. This time should not be one of panic. Generating your own source of income will provide you with the fratty lifestyle you enjoyed throughout your college career and will finance the opportunity for your future fratlings to frat as hard as you did. Various occupations are considered fratty in nature and will allow one to earn a substantial living. To complement the accumulation of excessive income, the frattiest occupations are those that give a person both power and control. These are important as they help the fratty continue to be in the upper echelon of society, which positions them to continue the fight against global douchebaggery. The following includes, but is not limited to, some of the frattiest occupations known to the frat world (in alphabetical order):
Business Executive
The business executive is easily a fratty occupation. Rarely can you find something more frat than running all or a portion of a major corporation. With respect to living the fratty lifestyle, executive salaries are almost always at high levels and the executive title also includes numerous perks. For example, many executives have so many stock options that the mere exercising of them will make a GDI’s head explode if they were to ever count the zeros from the profit. Also, luxury company cars, business meetings at fine dining establishments or on the golf course, and control over many employees paves the way for one heck of a fratmosphere.
Doctor
The frattiest part of being a doctor is telling others that you are a doctor. Having Dr. preceding your name shows power, money, and lets everyone know that you are an important member of society. Since many doctors are self-employed, they can take time off to hit the links, vacation with their hot sorostitute wife, or engage in other fratty activities. Money tends to find its way into the pockets of most doctors, as GDI’s constantly have health problems due to depression from being a GDI and the threat of spontaneous head explosions. We also encourage you future fratty physicians to keep a track on all the sorostitutes that you know who are in nursing. They’re always a good number of them, and they should be kept in mind for when you have your own office and you want to keep its fratmosphere high.
Entrepreneur
There are few things in life frattier than having your name included in the name of your company. The entrepreneur has total control over everything relating to their job, and total control leads to more post-grad fratting possibilities. Similar to doctors, entrepreneurs can take time off to participate in fratty activities while GDI’s are doing all the labor to increase the entrepreneur’s frattabbing ability. Starting your own company can also lead to one of the frattiest occupations of all: the former entrepreneur who sold his company for millions of dollars and now sits on his yacht drinking beer and deep sea fishing off the coast of his private island.
Lawyer
Although many in the general public dislike this occupation, its inherent frattiness cannot be overlooked. Attorneys generate high levels of income, especially when they make partner, and are often very influential members of society. Being an attorney can also help you continually give back to your fraternity. Throughout life, many of your pledge brothers will occasionally have run-ins with the law; there’s no better way to blow off steam than to pull off a multi-million dollar merger/acquisition deal and then swing by the courthouse to get a pledge brother a reduced sentence in his DUI case on the way home. Lawyers who later become judges are even more powerful in that they can sentence a GDI to a frisbeeless jail cell for performing an act of douchebaggery. While some lawyers work excessively long hours, the hours often go down while the money goes up.
Politician
Simply put, no matter which occupation you choose, you can later become a politician. In fact, we highly encourage this career tract for several reasons. First of all, as an elected official, you will enjoy a great deal of respect and notoriety. Second, you will receive a rather paycheck for work done mostly by your aides. Lastly, after you finish your career in politics, corporations will be knocking down the door to place you on their corporate boards, where you can continue to rake in cash for doing ridiculously little work.
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