It seems like a new fratty clothing company begins everytime we down a cold fratwater, get a pinch of mint, or conquer a Plan A’s castle. Unless you have been hibernating for three years or have Gamma Delta Iota tattooed on you upper bicep, then you have noticed quite a few of these so-called fratty clothing companies pushing their products on us. Some of these companies rise up and overcome douchebaggery, causing an exponential increase in GDI head explosions. However, some of these companies lack the necessary prerequisites to ever have their logo be considered a fratty brand. In this article and some subsequent articles in the future, we will examine fratty clothing companies to determine if they are indeed truly fratty. First, we will analyze Coast Apparel.
Coast is headquarted in Pawleys Island, South Carolina and strives to market their apparel to the “college market.” We can read between the lines – that means “fratdaddies and sorostitutes.” Attempting to weed out GDI’s is the best way to ensure that your brand will be accepted by the frat community. Upon purchasing the shirts, we noticed that they were, as expected, of high quality. The crab logo was a decent choice to represent frat. Perhaps most importantly, our pledges had no problems washing out the bar funk and bourbon stains. With no apparent douchebaggish qualities, we will have to deem the Coast brand frat. If you are still searching for a fratty holiday gift, then a Coast polo is a good way to place some frat under the tree.
Congratulations to Trey “Hard” Spencer of Florida State, the winner of the November 2009 Fratdaddy of the Month Award. He spends most of his days drinking fratwater and playing golf. He spends most of his nights with Plan A sorostitutes. His favorite activity is taking frat laps around campus and causing head explosions among the GDI community. Congratulations again to Trey “Hard” Spencer.
To be considered for the Fratdaddy or Sorostitute of the Month Award in the future, please see the contest rules posted at this link and this link.
Back in the summertime, before abusing our livers throughout fourteen weeks of college football, we ran a website poll to determine what the next Institute of Fratology fratty countdown should be. Fratty vehicles emerged as the victor, rising above such stiff competition as fratty star wars characters and fratty frisbees. We begin our countdown with the fifth frattiest vehicle, the Ford Bronco.
You are probably asking yourself, “Ford Bronco? WTF?” Your initial knee-jerk interrogative would be understanding, but after a more in-depth analysis, you will realize why the Bronco is among the frattiest of vehicles.
Unlike the fratty vehicles to follow in this countdown, the Bronco does not have an aesthetically pleasing design, an expensive price tag, or the moxie to reel in a sorostitute on a frat lap. What the Bronco does have is destructibility, meaning that you can tear it to pieces and nobody would care to see it go. If you accidentally lose the Bronco after fratting a little to hard, accidentally total the Bronco after driving it through the Frat Castle, or accidentally blow up the Bronco during an afternoon of casual hazing, then you are only out a Kelly Blue Book retail value of $53.46, a/k/a one handle of Wild Turkey 101.
However, destructibility is not the only feature the Bronco has in its corner. Government testing shows that the Bronco only gets 7 miles per gallon on the highway and 4 miles per gallon in the city. That satisfies the Institute of Fratology requirement that a fratty sport utility vehicle must be under 8 miles per gallon because a fratdaddy needs every excuse possible to go to the gas station for more alcohol and tabacco products.
Finally, the Bronco has many pro-fratdaddy convenience features. The bed can store 103 cases of your favorite adult beverages, mulitple pledges, or a black glove covered in blood. So if you’re going to load up at the liquor store, head out for a night of debauchery, or try to outrun the LAPD, then the Ford Bronco is the fratty vehicle for you.
