Lynyrd Skynyrd and the The Allman Brothers Band (tie)
We had a hard time deciding which of these titans of Southern Rock would be recognized at this spot on the countdown, so in the end we figured that it would do neither a disservice to recognize them together. We could have put one at a lower position on the countdown, but in the end it felt right to give each the honor of the #2 spot.
We first look at Lynard Skynard. Hailing from north Florida, little need be said about their popularity with fratdaddies all throughout the fratmosphere. Seldom has any reputable cover band entered a darkened bar or a fratcastle band room without the iconic “Sweet Home Alabama” and “Freebird” in their repertoire. Find me any sorostitute that doesn’t want to dance to “Gimme Three Steps” or “What’s Your Name”, and I’ll show you a plan C in plan A’s clothing. Many of us have hazy memories of the strains of “Simple Man” and “That Smell” flowing through the air on late Friday nights before the game Saturday, and these are memories that forever cement Lynyrd Skynyrd as a band of reverence and respect.
Before there was a Lynyrd Skynyrd, however, The Allman Brothers Band was laying the groundwork for Southern Rock acts to be recognized on the national music scene. Still today, their influence on fratty music is without question (possibly because some of us were “Tied to the whipping post” when we were pledges). Although they are best known to casual listeners for their monster hit “Ramblin’ Man”, I would personally suggest getting back to your roots by putting on “Mountain Jam” and relaxing with some premium fratwater. Also, we can’t forget the influence that the Allman Brothers have had on other fratty bands. For instance, Duane Allman’s guitar featured extensively on Derek & the Domino’s only studio album, and the popular Gov’t Mule is an Allman Brothers side project (featuring current guitarist Warren Haynes and bassist Allen Woody).
It’s already been said, but it’s worth saying again: both these bands can count numerous other fratty bands as their progeny. It is a rare thing to find any act south of the Mason-Dixon line that doesn’t count these giants as some of their main sources of influence (and that goes for country artists as well as true Southern rockers). For both their own accomplishments and their substantial influence, we’re proud to award them a spot at #2 on the countdown.
Pictured here playing at Bonnaroo, OCMS puts a new spin on a style of music that is literally as old as the hills. In doing so, they impart wisdom to the listening fratdaddy such as, “If you catch another mule kicking in your stall, tear it down,” (meaning that it pays to know where your Plan A is shacking).
Despite the sad fact that they have some songs about being poor and doing manual labor, their body of work is almost entirely of very high quality. However, little that they may ever release from this point on may meet the band party proven success of “Wagon Wheel”. This song, developed from a song snippet written by Bob Dylan, was an instant classic…and your professors have heard it played by cover bands of many different genres in many different cities.
Over the last few years, OCMS’s overall popularity has skyrocketed. Now, they can routinely be seen at the historic Ryman Auditorium, birthplace of the Grand Ole Opry (which some of our Institute of Fratology sociologists believe might have been the sire of the modern band party).
Oh, and on top of all that…they have a gitjo player. That’s hard to beat.
There’s one thing we can say for Rollin’ in the Hay that we can’t really say for any other band that’s going to appear on this list: there’s a great chance that you may be seeing them at a fratcastle near you in the future (according to their schedule they’re already coming to the Ole Miss KA house in late August, with future band party dates already on tap).
Touted as a bluegrass outfit with some big Southern Rock influences, anyone who’s seen these guys live can tell you that they’re as versatile a band party group as any you could hope to get. They can do the traditional bluegrass, they can do the fratty country, they can do the Skynard-style rock…and it’s always one hell of a party on top of all that.
The iconic status of the remaining bands on the countdown keeps them from creeping higher up the list, but as far as a fun band that’s got some real musical talent, these guys are top notch. If you don’t believe me, check out the fratgasm that is their “Pickin’ On Widespread” album (a bluegrass tribute to a band who we may be talking about a bit more in detail very soon).
We decided when we started this countdown to truly limit the conversations to bands…i.e. no individual performers will be on the countdown. Therefore, undoubtedly fratty musicians such as Hank Jr., Robert Earl Keen, etc. will not be appearing on the countdown. Rest assured, this is not due to any lack of fratitude…it is simply us keeping the conversation limited to bands only.
We feel it is our duty to keep the fratty community informed when we find a product that we personally test & find is of very high quality. Today, I’d like to let you know about some sunglasses that I recently purchased; if you’re in the market for new fratgoggles, then you should definitely give these strong consideration.
Maui JimKa’anapali
I have been a loyal Costa wearer for years, but after losing my 7th pair I decided that the fates wanted me to go in a different direction. The FrattingHard.com Ladies’ Auxiliary had recently purchased a pair of Maui Jim’s, and being very satisfied with their quality she suggested that I give them ample consideration while making my ultimate decision.
At my local sunglasses emporium, the salesman directed me to the pair of fratgoggles pictured above: the Maui Jim Ka’anapali. They are, without a doubt, the best pair of sunglasses I have ever owned. First of all, as you have probably guessed from the fact that I’ve lost so many pairs in the past, I’m rough on sunglasses. When you’re fratting hard, you must have the following attitude towards material possessions: “Screw it, I’ll buy another.” This goes for cell phones, golf clubs, and any other high ticket item that the normal GDI would guard like a level 29 goblin with max charisma. These Maui Jim’s have titanium frames that can be bent, pulled, prodded, and snap right back into shape.
Second, their comfort is unparallelled. The titanium is light as a feather (only 10 grams), the nosepads are small (and adjustable), and the frames slight bow out from your face. In sum, these features could make you forget you’re even wearing sunglasses were it not for their excellent lenses (which you know you’re getting with any Maui Jim, Costa, or Ray Ban product).
It doesn’t matter how much they cost; if you want them, just go buy them. But for you douchebags wondering how much we’re paying for them, their suggested retail price is $259.99. In addition to the bronze, they can also be had with grey or rose lenses.
Find a post-grad fratter old enough, and there’s a chance that they saw DMB play at your fraternity house when they were just starting out. Now one of the most famous jam-bands in the world, and prolific purveyor of stickers for sorostitutes’ cars, this band played many frat castles before they hit the big time.
Good luck getting them into your band room now…unless you pull one of the all time great frat tabbing sessions in history (which would be a TFM), chances are you don’t have the cash in your house’s coffers to snag these boys back to campus. But that’s ok, because (among other sundry “groups”) DMB concerts are often prime gathering spots for fratdaddies and sorostitutes.
Many have said (and your professor agrees) that their offerings as of late are inferior to the fratty staples that are “Under the Table and Dreaming”, “Crash”, and “Before These Crowded Streets”. Nevertheless, many quality DMB tracks still find a home on the fratty MP3 player, and many a Plan A deal has been sealed with a glass of sour mash & “Crush” playing softly over the Frathoe speakers.
A reader recently wrote us to inform us about an old, dusty film reel that he found in the archives of his university’s Greek Affairs office. He found some YouTube clips of the movie, and we, of course, turned it over to the Institute of Fratology’s College of Film and Theatre (producers of such invaluable documentaries as, “When Your Plan C Won’t Quit Calling” and “What That Smell in the Fratcastle Might Be”).
After a thorough analysis, our esteemed film experts have positively identified this piece as an early propaganda piece put out by the Forces of Global Douchebaggery. Apparently, their strategy during the early 1960’s was a “if you can’t beat em’, make em’ become you” style attitude. In other words, they wanted to douche up fraternities to the point where the fratdaddy would one day evolve to be indistinguishable from the GDI.
As we know now, thankfully, this strategy was an abject failure. We can now look at their futile attempts and laugh:
Let us assure you, our search for the #1 Fratty TV show was not easy. We both watched hundreds of hours of select footage, and downed copious amounts of fratwater in the process…all in the hopes that we would uncover a shining jewel of fratty TV magic. We could have taken the easy way out, and make "College Gameday", or some other obvious choice, the #1 show. However, this is NOT a popularity contest. We looked to the content of the show itself, and the fratitude inherent therein, and this analysis rendered one result: Tom Selleck’s (Sigma Chi, University of Southern California) Magnum P.I.is the #1 show on our Fratty TV Countdown.
How is this show fratty? Let us count the ways. This show was ahead of its time in terms of its fratty content. Rarely was Thomas Magnum ever seen without his croakies, Patagonia-style shorts (complete with an inseam that only the frattiest of fratdaddies can pull off), and Polo pony on his breast. But he didn’t stop with a fratty wardrobe. He lived in a mansion he didn’t even own…he had it because he used his post-grad networking skills to live an unearned life of luxury. He didn’t have a Frathoe….but the sorostitutes of the 80’s wanted the sexiest of rides, and he did not disappoint in his Ferrari (which, as you can see in the opening, he often took off-road). His profession, a private investigator, is not a classic fratty profession. However, his freelancing lifestyle gave him ample time to down fratwater at the local country club, pursue numerous Plan A’s, and in general frat hard every day…in essence, he achieved glorious fratty ends through uncommonly fratty means.
It gives us great pleasure to award the frattiest television show to Magnum P.I. In general, Magnum P.I. had it all – a country club, beachfront estates, fast foreign cars, multi million dollar parties, fratty clothing, and helicopters just to name a few. If you ever need to fill up your frat gland, then by all means kick back with a fratwater and put in a DVD of Magnum P.I. You will not regret it.
