FrattingHard.com

Ladies Night is the new FrattingHard.com feature designed to exclusively provide answers to sorostitutes’ toughest questions.  Even the hardest fratting lady needs some help every now and then…and as the only licensed Professors of Fratology on the planet, we felt obliged to answer this call.

Dear Professors Neidermeyer and Stratton,

I am so depressed that I barely feel like putting on my pearls when I get up in the morning.  I had been talking to a fratdaddy for a few weeks, and he had officially invited me to his upcoming formal.  Then, out of nowhere, I was deformalized just 3 days before we were supposed to leave.  Does this mean I’m a failure as a sorostitute?  What am I supposed to do now?

Sincerely,
Kicked off the Bus

Dear Kicked,

First of all, deformalization has happened to some of the best sorostitutes over the years:  the most important thing to remember is that one deformalization does not make you a failure as a sorostitute.  It is helpful for you to first understand why fratdaddies deformalize dates in the first place.  As we said in our Guide to Formal, the date is probably the most important part of the fratdaddy’s formal weekend.  A poor date can literally ruin the whole formal, so it is not surprising that the wise fratdaddy puts much thought into this vital decision.  If a particular formal date has shown signs of being unable to handle her alcohol, has a reputation for getting to parties and then ignoring her date in favor of pledge sisters, or insists on her date paying for her own private room, deformalization is not only expected, but is necessary.

Unfortunately, less advanced fratters have been known to improperly deformalize dates that deserved no such treatment.  One of the most common (and most disappointing, for us) mistakes made is when the unconfident fratdaddy is intimidated over an especially hard fratting date, and deformalizes her because he is afraid that she will outfrat him in front of his fraternity brothers in the extremely fratty environment that is formal.  Keep in mind:  all males that frat hard are fratdaddies, but not all fratdaddies frat hard.  The unfortunate truth is that there are fraternity members out there that exhibit douchebag like tendencies with alarming regularity, and there’s a chance that you, as a normal, hard fratting sorostitute, encountered one of these duds and functioned as a threat to him.

Another unfortunate truth is that the less-than-confident fratdaddy may question his shacking chances with a sorostitute with which he has not shacked previously.  If this is the case in your scenario, it is a possibility that you were spurned in favor of a sorostitute that was believed to be a more “sure” shacking option.

The bottom line, however, is that the sorostitute that is truly fratting hard should not be overly concerned about any single deformalization.  The fault could just as easily lie with the fratdaddy, and there might not be any fault at all.  If there was lingering questions on either side, there’s a good chance that the weekend might not turn out as expected for either of you.  That leaves only one question:  where should you go from here?  The best advice we can give is this:  there’s more fratdaddies and more formals out there.  Keep fratting hard, and you will no doubt garner invites to such functions in the future.  Continue to study and practice the principles which we hold dear here at FrattingHard.com, and you will have no problem securing all the formal dates you can handle in the future.

Fratfully Submitted,
Professors Douglas C. Neidermeyer and Eric Stratton

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A poster on the FrattingHard.com discussion forum found this video:

Although he is, obviously, currently living a life rife with douchebaggery, this impressive display shows some latent power built up in his frat gland.  Hopefully, he will one day find this website and realize the raw potential that he is wasting every time he makes a decision like putting on those sunglasses.

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A reader sent this to us…pretty funny, and an accurate depiction of the common American douchebag.

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In our first Problems in Advance Shacking lecture, we looked at the different classes of shackers, as well as the tried and true rating system by which all shackers are classified.  Moving on, we will now proceed to specific problems that you may encounter during the shacking process, and will examine the possible solutions to these difficult situations.

Thinning the Herd

Think, if you will, of one of those shows on the Animal Channel that shows a lion stalking a herd of gazelles, picking out the sick, weak one, and then then pouncing on it after it has been singled out.  This is analogous to taking home a Plan A that is at the bar with a large group of her sorority sisters, with one exception:  instead of picking out the gazelle with three legs, you’re trying to pick off the pick of the litter.  The problem here is complex.  First of all, many sorostitutes, when in such a group, don’t want to be labeled as the one that ended up going home with a fratdaddy.  This may draw her some condemnation from the rest of the group, especially if they are unsuccessful in finding a fratdaddy of their own.  Even more troublesome is the propensity of some sorostitutes to make a pre-bar agreement to “go together, leave together.”  Although this is a problem, it can be overcome. 

The key to this problem is to send the “herd” running in separate directions.  While your Plan A may be hesitant to leave the bar with you to go straight to the frat castle, she will be more receptive to leave with you to go to another bar.  When this method is applied, the group will often thin, if not evaporate entirely.  Her sisters will not be able to tell her that she shouldn’t move on to another bar without sounding like GDI’s, and she will have a proper excuse for no longer being with the larger group.  After a short stint at bar #2, the evening’s shacking activities can commence.  We recommend the execution of this method at such a time in the evening where bar #2 will be closing shortly after you get there, thus avoiding the need to entertain your choice by yourself for an extended period of time. 

The Albatross

As much as a problem as a group of sorostitutes can be, they are not nearly as dangerous to your efforts as the young lady known as “The Albatross.”  This is the sister who routinely fails to secure a fratdaddy at the bar and is going back to the sorority house…and she wants to take your Plan A with her.  She insists on your sorostitute coming along to drive her back, or or even worse, insists on you driving BOTH of them back, at which point she will do all she can to ensure that you pull away from the sorority house alone (the worst of these will expect you to take them through the Taco Bell drive-through on the way back…which is indicative of why they often fail to be a Plan A themselves). 

The ideal way to deal with The Albatross is to have that very special pledge brother with you who is always willing to fall on the grenade.  This is often the guy who, within an hour of arriving, is so drunktaneous that, to him, every albatross looks like a swan.  If you are able to pawn off your problem sorostitute on this noble hero, then you will have clear sailing with your choice of the night.

If this is not an option, your best bet is to ensure that you are never dealt out of the hand; if she wants a ride back, you drive.  When you drop them her off, make sure you have a ready excuse for why your sorostitute cannot leave yet.  This could be that you’re going back out, going to get food, or some other seemingly valid reason to extend the evening.  Remember:  if you have done your job as a quality fratdaddy, the sorostitute will WANT to stay with you, and will assist you in disposing of your “problem.”

The Blast From the Past

This is a problem that you want to have:  upon entering the bar, you see your Plan B from last week.  She wasn’t a bad choice, but you know that you can frat harder, and soon you have all but secured your evening’s Plan A.  But wait…Plan B has spotted you, and is coming back for more.  The problem is obvious:  having another girl doing her best to earn your attention may sincerely hinder your efforts at sealing the deal with the sorostitute you really want to be with.

While you don’t want to show too much attention to Old News, you don’t want to burn that bridge, either.  The best course of action is to speak only if spoken to, and always have a ready excuse for why you can’t hang around to chat.  Use other people you know in the bar as a reason to move away from the Plan B when needed, and pay special attention to focusing the brunt of your efforts on the Plan A to ensure that she does not feel neglected.

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We’re well into the new year now, and our fratologists in the field inform us that GDI’s are out there douching as hard as ever.  We now bring you the first **** DOUCHE OFF **** of the new year to show you yet more examples of those that have eschewed the fratty lifestyle.

Did you ever know that you’re my (Guitar) hero?

The man all you sorostitutes want to take home to daddy.

This random shacker told her unsuspecting “date” that she was going to “freshen up.”

Rare picture of a girl douching equally as hard as the guy.

This guy would really know how to “push your buttons,” ladies.

Douchebag, he is.  Boobs, he touches not.

Plan D’s getting ready for the evening.

Carrying the weight of the GDI world on his shoulders.

We bet $100 that this happened at a fraternity house.

Is that a cuestick in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Boy George looked at this picture and said, “That’s gay.”

No comment.

We’re guessing he was the manager.

Steve the Pirate:  The Early Years

The funny thing is, he really does live in a van down by the river.

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Pledge Wall – Noun: The protective barrier formed when pledges surround a brother at a sporting event so to prevent any nearby security personnel from seeing the brother mix a drink.

ex. Tell the pledges on the back row to come make a pledge wall, and bring a mix stick with them when they come.

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