FrattingHard.com

We were emailed a link to this video…and though the guys who made it don’t appear to be fratting very hard, they do at least seem to recognize the danger of popped collars, Abercrombie fashions, and other such douchebaggery.

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Have you ever found yourself in a situation that was rife with all the frattiness of a Star Trek convention? Even worse…was the situation such that you could not easily slip out in an effort to remove yourself from the fratitude draining douchebaggery within?

How did you handle it? This post was inspired by one of our readers who told an uplifting tale of how he “frattabbed in spirit” while stuck at a party where Abercrombie was the rule, and not the exception. We can only guess how much fratdrenaline he had running through his veins in an effort to fratify the room.

In your comments below, tell us your stories about how you fratted hard to turn around an unfratty situation. Turn a lagging party into a hit? Make a seemingly unsuccessful evening into a prime shacking opportunity? Tell us about it.

Please, only post your frattiest of fratty stories here. All other comments will be deleted in the spirit of keeping the post fratty stories only.

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Pledge Taxi – Noun: The service called upon by a member of a fraternity when he needs to commute without the hassle of parking his Frathoe

i.e. After a long night of fratting hard, I called the pledge taxi to take my sorostitue and I back to the frat castle.

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We’ve had a lot of great discussion here recently about different brands, their relative frattiness, etc.  One point that’s drawn great concern is the adoption of fratty brands within the realms of douchebaggrery.

We have observed douchebags wearing even such unquestionably fratty brands as Brooks Brothers; this doesn’t mean that the brand itself has lost any standing in the frat community.  The are two situations that can cause a brand to lose its fratstanding.  First, a fratty brand can lose its frattiness if it begins producing unfratty items of clothing on a large scale.  Second, a fratty brand can lose its frattiness if, concurrently, it gains widespread favor in the GDI community WHILE ALSO losing favor among the frat community (for example, we have seen this phenomenon in certain regions with the Lacoste brand name). The bigger point to this aside is thus:  we are inherently apt to being copied.  It’s simply going to happen.  We cannot cause this to make us give up on frat staples.  Every day, fratty people are observed, and the fruits of living the fratty lifestyle do not go unnoticed.  Seeing this, many douchebags believe that they too can receive the benefits of the fratty lifestyle simply by duplicating fratty fashions.  Of course, we know this is not the case.  However, it is no less troubling to see our styles being copied by people who then combine them with choker necklaces, hair product, and cargo shorts.

Thankfully, douchebag loyalty is fickle.  Their adoption of fratty styles will only be short lived, as they soon jump to the next fad that they observe.  Therefore, you should not let their short term adoption of your favorite brand make you give up on it.  Simply weather the storm, and soon you will see the fratty brands being sported almost exclusively by those who live the frat life.

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There are not many accessories that have a place in the fratdaddy’s wardrobe:  a watch and occasionally a hat are, in fact, the only appropriate additions to every day casual fratwear.  However, there is one more accessory that is beyond appropriate.  It is, we believe, absolutely vital to any self-respecting fratdaddy’s repertoire…the fratty sunglasses.

The first issue we will address is when sunglasses are appropriate in everyday wear.  This is governed by the “Rule of Natural Light” (no, not the fratwater).  If there is any naturally produced light source outside that could possibly make you squint, you can put on your sunglasses.  Frat doesn’t take a day off because it’s partially cloudy. 

We will next address exceptions to the rule of acceptable sunglasses wear.  There are some situations where, although normally permitted, sunglasses should not be worn.  Note:  this doesn’t mean they can’t be worn OUTSIDE on the way to these events; it simply means they should be taken off one’s visible person and placed in a jacket or pants pocket for simple reasons of respect.  These situations include:  church, funerals, weddings, and certain meetings where the dress is business professional.  Again, this is a simple matter of class, and sticking the sunglasses in your pocket for this brief time will not negatively affect your fratitude at all.

So, what brand of sunglasses should you buy?  The most popular choice in the frat community right now is undeniably Costa Del Mar.  We have had some concerns by some readers about certain douchebags also wearing this brand.  However, we need to stress:  we as fratdaddies cannot simply roll over and give up frat staple brands just because a limited number of douchebags have tried to ride our coattails to correct fashion.  We will address this in a post shortly.  Obviously, many of our readers agree, as Costas beat out 32 other combatants for the title of the Frat Madness Tournament Champion.  With this strong display of frat power, we do not hesitate to suggest Costas for any fratdaddy or sorostitute.  Ray Bans have also long been a popular choice amidst the frat community, and they remain so to this day. 

For sorostitutes, another prime sunglasses choice is Coco Chanel.  They’re a bit more formal than sportier styles like Costas, and are appropriate for any situation that adheres to the rules above. 

As you already know via the Frat Madness Tournament, croakies are an essential complement to your choice of fratty sunglasses.  Croakies come in many shapes and styles, most of which are acceptable.  Any pair of Costa Del Mar’s or Croakies (the actual brand) will suffice.  Also, Vineyard Vines and Southern Proper are recent additions to the croakie universe, and both should gain your consideration.  There are two fratty attire pitfalls we have recognized that can drop your fratitude several notches.  The first pitfall is wearing camouflaged croakies.  These should only be around your neck when the rest of your body requires camouflage as well.  The second pitfall is wearing croakies containing university colors and/or logos.  As you already know (http://frattinghard.com/fratty-wordphrase-of-the-week-19/), these are only appropriate if they satisfy the gameday exception.

One last point we wish to address is the issue of sunglasses at night.  You  may have seen fratdaddies in bars or restaurants with their sunglasses sitting on their neck after the sun has gone down.  We are not here to require, nor condemn, this fashion statement.  Often, it is a simple matter of convenience.  One may be busy before going out, and lack an opportunity to put their sunglasses away.  More often, we find it very easy to simply forget that we’ve got on an accessory that we wear everyday.  Either way, it is perfectly acceptable to flip your sunglasses around and put them on your neck when the sun has gone down.  There is no requirement for completely taking them off and putting them away.  However, you should never make it a point to do this on purpose.  As we said, it is acceptable, but not necessary.  Also, try not to be that guy that puts his sunglasses on in the bar after a few fratwaters.  If you do it once to be funny, no harm done.  If you do it every Friday night, realize that you are not in Hollywood and leave them at home if you don’t trust your own ability to keep them off your face.  Of course, flipping your sunglasses around during the day when you enter a building is always acceptable in any situation that doesn’t meet one of the exceptions noted above. 

In conclusion, it cannot be stressed enough that sunglasses are an absolutely vital part of the fratty wardrobe.  The slight effort it takes to abide by the rules laid out in this lesson can help make a huge deposition in your frat account.  It can cause your frat gland to stand up after a long night of fratting and starting pumping out fratosterone just as it was the night before.  Wear them proud, and frat them hard.

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Gameday Exception – Noun: Exception made for apparrel that is not acceptable in everyday situations, but is fratty when worn at your university’s most major sporting events

i.e. John, I wouldn’t wear those purple seersucker pants to the bar on Friday night, but they would meet the gameday exception at Tiger Stadium on Saturday.

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Q:  I was at a gathering of members from my fraternity from all over the country and was appalled to find brothers from a certain northeastern school’s chapter not only had hair gel and popped collars, but wore a polo shirt under a polo shirt with dual popped collars. They were, of course, immediately mocked by nearly every other chapter there, especially members of mine and my fellow southern chapters. How can we combat such douchebaggery within our own national fraternity?

A: This question was posted in a comment, and we though it important enough to address on the front page.  Unfortunately, it is a sad fact that some chapters of national fraternities have brothers that continue to exhibit douchebaggery after entering the gates of brotherhood.

This is primarily brought about due to 2 reasons:  the inadequacy of demanding frattiness from pledges and a culture of not expecting new initiates to accept the responsibility of fratting hard at all times to represent the house well.

This is one of the primary reasons why this website exists:  to bring an end to global douchebaggery.  It is one thing to see GDI’s not fratting hard…but it’s quite another, even more disturbing site, to see brothers in your fraternity not fratting hard.

This is not a problem that you should take lightly.  When you see a fraternity member who is not fratting hard, it is your responsibility as a fratdaddy to show him the error of his ways.  Although frattiness may slightly vary across regions, there are absolutes in the frat world.  No hair product should ever be seen on a fratdaddy.  Dress should be constrained to that which would be acceptable at a normal country club.  When you see a fellow member who is not living up to these standards, it is on you to set him right.

Explain to the offending brother that a fratdaddy should be easily distinguished from other members of the campus community.  Tell him that his dress, general appearance, and attitude should exude the fact that he has the potential to be among the elites of society.  After all, few CEO’s of major corporations wear choker necklaces and spiked hair to the office.

We understand this is easier said than done, and these conversations may become heated if the brother is from a place that is unaccustomed to the intricacies of fratting hard.  However, this is the most effective, and perhaps the only, way to combat douchebaggery in your own fraternity.

Q:  Professors of Fratology, I have a question about ya’lls opinion on a certain aspect of frattire. Undershirts. I personally think that the undershirt takes away from a fratty’s appearance, but a few of my fellow fratters sport the undershirt regularly. I was just wondering what ya’ll thought about it.

A: The general rule is that an undershirt is unnecessary unless you are wearing a shirt and tie.  It’s not douchebaggery to wear an undershirt, but let’s be honest here…sorostitutes love the chest hair.

There is one rule that you should always abide by…if you DO decide to wear an undershirt, it should be a plain, white t-shirt.  Wife beaters are not acceptable, except for your shacking partners to wear to brush their teeth in the frat castle the following morning.

Q:  Should I replace my current vehicle (1992 Bronco) with a 2000
Land Rover.  The guys are split:  some say the  Bronco has nostalgic value, but
the others seem to think the LR is the way to go (as do I).

A: Generally, the frattiest choice is a relatively new Frathoe or another luxury SUV of some sort.  However, exceptions are made for older SUV’s that have uniquely fratty qualities and a high sentimental value based on past fratting experiences.  If you have had great success getting rich sorostitutes to shack with you in the back of your old ass Bronco, frat that thing like OJ on the interstate.  There are some other great advantages to having an old SUV as well…you don’t mind if your brothers douse the interior with chunks from late night fourth meals from Taco Bell after a long evening of fratting hard.

However, if you have no particular sentimental value attached to the vehicle, going with a ride that is as undeniably fratty as a Land Rover is never a bad decision.  So, what is the best answer to this question?  It’s actually very simple.

Keep the Bronco, and buy the Land Rover, too.  You’ll have a great vehicle to take to the lake and drive up in the front yard of sorostitutes’ houses, and you’ll also have a luxury truck to sport at the country club.

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A fratdaddy from Drake University brought up the fact in a comment that the young man who recently won The Masters, the frattiest golf tournament at the frattiest golf club in America, hails from their halls. We here at FrattingHard.com would like to congratulate Zach Johnson on his win, and congratulate Drake on their alumnus receiving the green jacket.

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In the last few weeks, we’ve had interesting, and sometimes heated, discussion about what constitutes “fratty music”. To that, I say that we are very pleased that so many of you esteemed fratdaddies have taken it upon yourselves to delve into this subject on your own. The constant examination of all things fratty is essential to growing one’s fratitude throughout life.

We hope that this discussion will continue. However, comments have been so varied that we feel it is our duty as your professors of fratology to make a statement on the issue.

If you ask a layman what is, “Fratty Music”, you’ll most likely get an answer that includes 80’s, jam bands, and the like. Are they fratty? They can be. Is that the only music that is fratty? Certainly not.

So that brings us back to the big question…what music is “fratty music”? The answer to this is…whatever music that is being listened to by fratty people in fratty situations. You can think of music like the cold air inside your ski cabin, and of fratitude as the fire your butler lights in the fireplace. What happens when the fire is lit? The fratitude radiates and warms the air in the room.

So to does the person and the situation make music fratty. Is Michael Jackson music fratty? When it’s being played at the 80’s cover band at your band party, certainly. How about Dave Matthews, which is considered by the outside world to be “frat music”? Well, you have a gel headed, puka shell wearing, Abercrombie sporting, hemp ankle bracelet clad Grade A 100% Heinz Distilled Vinegar Approved Douchebag playing it to try to impress chicks, and it’s about as fratty as an ultimate frisbee competition.

The wise fratdaddy has a wide musical arsenal at his disposal, and knows well how to use which genre in which situation. He knows what songs are great for the ride to the river with his pledge brothers, and which are more appropriate on the way to the bar with a car full of sorostitutes. He knows that the musical fare for a shot party may dramatically differ from that at a crawfish boil two days later. But the important thing is, he can identify the differences in these situations and adapt his musical selection accordingly (hopefully, your house has such an adept in charge of getting bands for your parties).

One of the overarching themes of our lessons on activities here at FrattingHard.com has always been this: the most important part of fratting hard is the people…the actual fratdaddies and sorostitutes who are doing the fratting. When you are fratting as hard as you can, in every way you can, 24/7, no lunch breaks, the situations you find yourself in will be made frattier. Of course, this doesn’t apply to activities that are patent douchbaggery; but when it comes to such open subjects as music, where opinions differ so widely, it is the strength of the fratting around it that makes the song.

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