FrattingHard.com

We recently were asked in our Frequently Asked Questions feature, “What belt selections should the fratdaddy make?” This is an excellent question because the belt is a subtle piece of the frat wardrobe that can send an already fratty outfit completely out of the fratmosphere. We made some suggestions in response to that question, and we will post them below for addition into our Fratty Attire tutorial.

You can’t go wrong with a classic, traditional leather belt (http://www.brooksbrothers.com/images/Catalog/ProductImages/thumbnails/174F_th.jpg). The one in that picture is $98.00. Get two (brown and black).

Also, for more casual days, a D-ring belt can be the way to go (http://www.brooksbrothers.com/Images/Catalog/ProductImages/049F.jpg, http://www.vineyardvines.com/images/site1/products/processed/4ABB100-424.424.detail.a.jpg) can be a great addition to a pair of shorts.

Also, if you’re ready to absolutely frat off the planet, check out Smathers & Branson belts (http://www.smathersandbranson.com/web/catalog.aspx?group=1). These are only $150 a piece, and we recommend having at least two of them. Such fratty designs include Duck Hunting, Nautical Flags, Sailing, and Skiing. Smathers and Branson also makes, interestingly enough, luxury dog collars. Dropping $75 a piece on collars for your hunting dogs? TFM.

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This week’s first two Fratty Words/Phrases of the Week were submitted by a FrattingHard.com reader in between his golf outing and a sailing trip.

Fratfit – Noun: An extremely fratty complete outfit.

ex. Jon’s fratfit, including his Costas and Croakies, Brooks Brothers sport coat, Vineyard Vines dock pants, and Cole Haan driving shoes, was so fratty that it inspired me to go use Dad’s credit card to buy a whole new wardrobe.

Frat Potato – Noun/Verb: Sorostitute who has been or is being “passed around” a particular fraternity to the point where she has shacked with a significant percentage of the members of that house; also refers to the act of participating in the above situation (i.e. “Playing frat potato”)

ex. I had to deformalize Ashley because I found out that she was a frat potato around our house last semester.

Frat Tuck – Noun: The style of a fratdaddy of tucking only the front of his solid colored or button up Polo into his shorts, slacks, or jeans. Seen most often in the spring.

ex. I like to use the frat tuck so all the sorostitutes can have the pleasure of seeing my “paddle”.

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We recently received an email from a reader who asked if we could provide some tips for those hard fratters who aspire to receive a commission into our military forces after graduation. It is undeniable that the Greek community has historically been well represented by some of the most famous military heroes in our country’s history. Dwight D. Eisenhower (Tau Epsilon Phi), Tommy Franks (Delta Upsilon), and George Patton (Kappa Alpha Order) are just three examples of men who traded in their striped ties for stars on their shoulders after graduation.

General George S. Patton with his company Frathoe in Sicily, 1943

Being an officer in the military has many elements that are inherently fratty. Conservative haircuts and uniforms will have international sorostitutes swooning. Also, as a young officer, you will be like many other young executive fratters in that you will immediately have the responsibility of leading other people. Of course, your experience in a fraternity will have honed your leadership skills to go along with the lessons you learned in ROTC.

Honestly, your professors are hesitant to give advice to you military fratters. Your actions speak louder than our words, and we appreciate the contributions that you make for our country. We wish all of you safety and success, and hope that one day you put your names on the roll with the men listed above as former fratdaddies that became national heroes.

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For three months, the frattiest of the frat battled to determine who would be the first ever entrant into the Frattinghard.com Hall of Frat. They came from four different regions: clothes, food/drink, party, and miscellaneous. In the end, the ages old hazing took on Costas and Croakies, which is now one of the most respected staples of the fratty community. The popular sunglasses combo displayed their strength all through the tournament as they took out such storied names as Polo Shirt and Topsiders. With this in mind, it is really no surprise that even an opponent as strong as hazing could hope to match the inaugural winner of a space in the Hall of Frat. Now, Costas and Croakies will forever be remembered as the champion of the first ever FRAT MADNESS TOURNAMENT.

We would like to thank all you that participated to make this tournament a success. The number of votes in the final was indicative of the huge success of this tournament, and we owe that to you, our readers.

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It’s over and official…COSTAS AND CROAKIES has been crowned as the winner of the FRAT MADNESS TOURNAMENT, and will soon be enshrined in the Hall of Frat.

A complete victory post will follow later tonight.

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Undoubtedly, one of the frattiest social functions a fraternity or sorority can host is a formal. After all, you, our loyal readers, voted formal and their complement, cocktail, all the way to the Fratty Four in the Frat Madness Tournament. To elaborate for the educational purposes of this guide, by formal we do not mean your typical run-of-the-mill formal. We are speaking of the once a year, granddaddy of them all formals, where you take buses or limousines with your entire fraternity or sorority and all dates to a far away city for a weekend, stay in the most luxurious of luxury hotels, blow thousands, and remain drunktaneous until you return to campus. If this concept of a formal is new to you, then wash the hair gel off your head and start planning. If you already have a formal such as this planned, follow the guide to have such a fratty formal that you and your date will rue the day that you have to go home.

The Time & Place

Traditionally, formals are held in bigger cities with more “relaxed” or “morally casual” drinking laws to provide the underaged fratdaddies and sorostitutes with expired, out-of-state, fake ID’s an opportunity to still get drunktaneous. The most prevalent time to have a formal is during the winter or spring, but mainly select a weekend that does not cause scheduling conflicts with other fratty activities.

The Date

Contrary to the majority of other dates you will have in your college career, this one is actually important because not only will you be sleeping with them, you will be with them for an entire weekend. The utmost care must be utilized when selecting a date for a formal such as this. The general rule of thumb is to select a date that you have known for some time. This defends against any unexpected douchebaggery your date may exhibit as well as potential awkwardness when it is shacking time. Again, a bad date will destroy your formal faster than a GDI biking to an Ultimate Frisbee tournament. Lastly, remember that if you have a date and it appears upon further review that they may not be formal material, you can deformalize them (see our Dictionary ) and get another date.

The Ride There

Get a cooler, pack it with top shelf liquor, have the driver put on some fratty tunes, and enjoy the fratmosphere.

Shacking Arrangements

It is well-established frat law that shacking is one of the frattiest activities known to those initiated into the world of frat. It is so frat that it went home instead of competing in the Frat Madness Tournament, and yet it is still frat. The most vital thing to do is have your formal chairperson plan your housing arrangements to where you are forced to shack with your date. Many times, a problem is posed at formal when, to reduce costs, rooms are shared between two couples. The best answer to this problem is simple: start frattabbing before you ever leave campus, and get a private room. If you are hooked into sharing a room, you will have to use more imagination. One option is pre-planning selected times with your fraternity brother/sorority sister to ensure that there is single couple time intervals during the weekend. Other, less tricky, options include getting a date that doesn’t mind putting on a show.

The Activities

The activities that you should partake in over formal weekend should not differ to a great extent from your typical activities. Formal is about fratting hard in a different fratmosphere. While bar hopping, late-night Waffle House, and shacking are certain to be on the agenda, formal delivers a great frattabbing opportunity. Take your date to an upscale restaurant. Note that by upscale we mean the most expensive entrées and wine that your formal city has to offer. Rarely can you participate in something more frat than taking the liberty to order your date filet and lobster while having them overwhelmingly impressed by your criticism of the Chateau Pichon Longueville Baron Pauillac 1998.

The Actual Formal

Your fraternity or sorority should have a location leased for at least one evening of the weekend. Live band, formal attire, and of course, an open bar shall be included during any actual formal. This is very self-explanatory and we will not divulge into much detail since you are intelligent enough to be enrolled in Fratting 101.

The Ride Back

Studying, sleeping, staring into space – these are some of the low fratitude things your professors have witnessed on rides back during various formals over the years. There is no excuse to mentally “go home” while you are physically going home. Continue the celebration by doing exactly what you did on the ride to formal, and that should include heavy drinking, not heavy thinking. After all, frat does not take a day off. The most important thing to remember is that the formal is not over until the bus parks next to the frat castle.

Post-Grad Formal

Finally, just because you have a diploma on the wall and a fratty job does not imply that your formal days are complete. Arrange to have your pledge brothers or pledge sisters meet somewhere for the weekend, bring dates or spouses, and have one post-grad fratting formal, just like the old days.

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Update: We’ve had some questions about how long this match will last. The championship match will end promptly at 10:00PM EST this Friday night, just before your professors of fratology go out to celebrate the victory (no matter who wins).

And then there were two…

There is little left to say about the FRAT MADNESS TOURNAMENT, other than the 33 teams we started out with are now down to two.

Emerging from the clothes bracket, Costas and Croakies destroyed bourbon and coke with over 70% of the vote, once again proving that drinking outdoors isn’t fratty unless you have on your Costas. They will take on hazing who took 62.5% of the vote against formal/cocktail. Your professors personally voted for formal, as we like shacking with sorostitutes in luxury hotels after imbibing top shelf liquor more than we like watching pledges recite the Greek alphabet on bows and toes, but we were just two votes out of many, and hazing game out on top in the end.

Now, we are down to the final match. Vote wisely, as the winner of this match will forever be remembered as the first entrant into the Hall of Frat.

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Fratastrophe – Noun: a catastrophic occurrence upon a situation that is deemed to be fratty in nature.

ex. The pledge party was a fratastrophe because the cops showed up when the sorostitues were doing keg stands and gave everyone a m.i.p. (minor in possession). But, I’m not that worried about it since my dad is the judge.

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Any fratdaddy or sorostitute knows that being in a Greek house is like being part of a big family. You eat together, you hang out together, you party together. Therefore, it is not surprising that one of the cornerstones of post grad fratting is family life. It is definitely fratty for the young professional to play the field when they emerge from college. However, most fratdaddies and sorostitutes decide to finally settle down sometime after they establish themselves in the workplace and have their career on the fast track for success. In this lesson, we will lay out what it means to cultivate an environment of fratitude in one’s own family life after college is behind you and the rest of your life is ahead. Remember: frat never takes a day off, and this does not change when classes are over. In this lesson, we will cover the two most important components of the fratty family: the fratty spouse and the fratlings.

The Fratty Spouse

Without a doubt, the most important part of having a fratty family is choosing a fratty spouse. The ideal fratty spouse should be like you in many ways. The first, and most vital, concern is choosing a spouse who was also Greek. The reasons for this are multiple, and most are self explanatory. Second, their financial standing should be similar to or greater than your own. There’s nothing better than picking a sorostitute (or fratdaddy, for you ladies) who, upon marriage, immediately increases you net worth by a million dollars or so. Getting back to choosing a Greek spouse: the Greek experience is a common bond that you will share that will facilitate a better relationship between you. Ideally, you should have a spouse that graduated from the same institution that is written across your degree. This solves many problems, such as football or basketball season arguments about which games you are going to travel to see. When you’re sitting on the 50 yard line in Williams-Brice Stadium, it’s not fratty to have to shut up your wife who’s screaming in full Clemson garb. Also, having a Greek spouse will allow you to maximize your opportunities to get back on campus for some of the greatest moments in post grad fratting: alumni cocktails and formals.

The Fratty Fratlings

Eventually, you and your fratty spouse will decide to have fratlings (or you will be the .02 percent that may have good cause for a lawsuit against your contraception device of choice). Either way, having fratlings is no cause to frat any less hard than you usually do. On the contrary, it presents new challenges that will separate the fratty from the unfratty. For one, it allows you to continue the fratty legacy. There is no prouder moment than the first time you get a call at 2AM in the morning from your newly pledged fratling who accidentally dialed your number after a long night of fratting hard. Also, having fratlings gives you the opportunity to make a contribution back to global fratty education by personally training your fratlings to grow up to be fratty members of society. Take pride in the fact that while you and your spouse are sitting at the Little League game in your Brooks Brothers sport coat and Costas and Croakies, watching Future Fratdaddy IV knock another one over the fence, you are not a GDI living alone in a studio apartment, ordering take out, and taking the bus home.

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