FrattingHard.com

Only a novelty item just a few years ago, the cell phone is now an indispensable tool for just about every breathing human being in a civilized country. The advantages of the cell phone are too numerous to name. Instant communication wherever you are, organization of friends and acquaintances, and the invaluable feeling that you are never out of the loop are just a few of the reasons why any hard fratter needs a cell phone. However, with any technology comes pitfalls that can easily reduce your fratitude to levels commonly found at an ultimate frisbee tournament. Unlike many of our Fratting 101 lessons, this primer is less about what to do, and more about what NOT to do.

As for what you need in a cell phone, the choices are broad. Any traditional phone that is reasonably new will do. When we say, “reasonably new,” cutting edge is not required. It doesn’t matter if you still have your old Nokia that is so big it would bring a tear to Zach Morris’s eye; it can still make and receive calls and store the numbers of your fellow fratdaddies and sorostitutes. However, you do need to consider having a phone with text messaging capabilities. Not surprisingly, most professors frown on you answering calls in class, so text messaging is essential in making plans for the night ahead if you decided to wake up and go to class that particular morning. Text messaging is also vital when you are in usual fratty situations such as in bars or at ball games. These places are often too loud to be conducive to using your phone in a traditional manner, and efficient text messaging is often the key to successful bar hopping strategy.

As you are probably thinking yourself, that isn’t a lot of cell phone rules. However, the previous section only dealt with what you need to have. What you do not need to have is more expansive, and we dare say much more important.

The first cell phone pitfall we address is first for a reason. Simply put, it is one of the most pervasive forms of douchebaggery that penetrates society today. You’ve seen them. You’ve laughed at them. They are the bluetooth headsets. There is really no nice way to put this…there is yet to be a person born that gets so many calls that they will injure themselves raising their phone from their pocket to their ear. Unless you’re a drug dealer or a telemarketer, there is no reason to have one of these devices. They look ridiculous, they are totally unnecessary, and they will make people around you think that you are a schizophrenic. Most telling, though, is the number of GDI’s and douchebags that have adopted this technology. In fact, we have found in our studies that before they were released, the first bluetooth headsets were extensively tested to make sure that they would survive daily contact with hair gel. Some mistakes in fratology can be made up for by fratting hard in other areas. However, this is not one of those mistakes that can be swept under the rug. If you’re thinking about buying one, don’t do it. If you already have one, kick yourself in crotch, and then donate it to a 15 year old at your local mall’s video arcade. He will appreciate it’s usefulness as he takes calls while playing Dance, Dance Revolution.

Another grievous cell phone error, but a much more common one in the frat community, concerns cell phone belt clips. Fratdaddies, the phone goes in your pocket. Sorostitutes, the phone goes in your purse. Fratting hard doesn’t mean showing off. If you are correctly outfitted in fratty attire, this can be seen from a mile away. If anything, the cell phone belt clip distracts the attention away from the finely perfected fratty wardrobe.

Most cell phones today come equipped with a camera. This doesn’t mean you have to use it. Sorostitutes, you’re pretty much off the hook here. Although you shouldn’t be one of those people that pull out their cell phone 30 times a day to take a picture, occasional photography with your phone will not hurt. However, if you are a fratdaddy, the times when you should use your phone’s camera are very limited in scope. If you see something funny that you’d like to tell a story about later, but are so drunktaneous that you think you’ll forget, you can use the camera. However, the key word here is “minimalism”. Don’t use your phone’s camera unless you feel that it is absolutely necessary.

In summary, remember that, at base, cell phones are for fratdaddy/sorostitute to fratdaddy/sorostitute communication. Like most accessories, conservative use the cell phone (and all personal electronics, for that matter) is always a good rule of thumb. One final point…although this shouldn’t even need to be said, if you still have a pager, and there’s not a “Dr.” in front of your name, go revoke your membership in a Greek organization immediately. Believe us, they don’t want you anymore.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Throughout January, we asked you how many items you own that carry the North Face brand…one of the staples of the fratty community. Here are the results:

Zero Items: 12.62%
One Item: 17.29%
Two Items: 28.50% (WINNER)
Three Items: 15.89%
Four or More Items: 25.70%

From the results of this poll, it looks like that North Face is still well represented in the fratmosphere. For thoughts on this brand, and other winter wear options, see Stay Warm and Frat Hard, Lesson 2 in our Fratting 101 series.

Popularity: unranked [?]

When your professors of fratology took their lessons online last September, they could have never imagined the sheer number of fratdaddies and sorostitutes who would matriculate to FrattingHard.com. To honor those who have done so, a good while back we set up the Colleges Fratting Harder page; this page shows a list of universities and colleges which have had at least one student decide to fratensify the fratmosphere of their alma mater by logging on to this website.

We are extremely pleased to announce that, after only five months of FrattingHard.com’s birth, we now have over 100 institutions of higher learning on that list. Although we work hard to provide you with the most cutting edge fratty education we can, we simply cannot take credit for this astonishing growth. After all, you can only lead the fratdaddy to the open bar…you can’t make him drink. The honor, instead, goes to you, the FrattingHard.com reader, who has taken it upon yourself to become a better fratdaddy/sorostitute by the careful examination of the principles and lessons that we espouse.

With that in mind, we urge you to continue your commitment to make yourself the frattiest person you can be, as we remain ever vigilant in our quest to provide fratty education of the highest of quality.

Frat Hard or Go Home

Popularity: unranked [?]

Q: I understand the frat dress code for day to day activities. I’ve been wearing the horse, topsiders, etc. since I was a boy, but what about when we must get out and work?
A: The above question came from one of our fratty readers. Whenever you are doing what is considered work, Carharts (not the jeans) and boots should always be worn. Different kinds of boots can be worn depending on the weather and work conditions, as long as they are conservative in style and color. Shirts can range from old polo shirts to old, long sleeved sorority or fraternity party t-shirts in colder weather. If it is sunny, don’t forget the Costas and Croakies. You may be wondering, “What kind of work should a fratdaddy be doing?” Since fratdaddies are often from families that own large tracts of land, and also enjoy the great outdoors, they will often go out to erect deer stands and the like.

Q: Being a fraternity man, I’ve always questioned which is frattier: light beer or dark beer?
A: Dark beer is usually higher in alcohol, more full of flavor, and more expensive. These attributes make for an undoubtedly fratty beer. However, often domestic light beers are preferred among many hard fratters because they are easily attainable in large quantities which allows for more fratdaddies and sorostitutes to get drunktaneous. The short answer is all beer is fratty. The complex issue is knowing which is fratty in what situation. Although this is a complicated issue, a good rule of thumb is light beer is party beer, and dark beer is casual drinking beer. You’re not going to waste good dark beer shotgunning, and you’re not going to want to knock back multiple Guinesses at a band party.

Q: I’m a sorostitute, and I’m tired of shacking in my fratdaddy’s messy and smelly room at his frat castle. What should I do?
A: Remind him that he is a fratdaddy, and has an easy solution to this problem. He should have a pledge clean his room immediately.

Q: I am a freshman fratdaddy that has an American Eagle polo shirt left over from high school. It is solid blue with a small eagle on the breast where the Polo horse would be. It looks pretty much like every real Polo shirt I own, except for the different animal on the breast. Can I incorporate it into my fratty wardrobe?
A: In a phrase, absolutely not. The fratdaddy’s wardrobe is always passively telling the world about his station in life. When you wear the shirt you mention, you tell the world, “I’d like to be a fratdaddy, but I don’t know how.” Donate that shirt to a local thrift store, consult Fratting 101: Battle of the Polo Shirts, Lesson #4, and go buy a complete wardrobe fit for your new status as a fratdaddy.

Q: Recently while at a crowded bar, I noticed a fratty looking guy making out with some chick right in the middle of the bar. Is such PDA (public display of affection) fratty?
A: The true fratdaddy doesn’t need to validate himself by doing his thing at the bar. In fact, this is a common practice by douchebags who don’t understand that truly fratting hard means maintaining a respectful stance toward ladies in public. The fratdaddy knows that such activity should be reserved until he and his sorostitute of choice are back in his room at the Frat Castle. However, sometimes in a drunktaneous state a fratdaddy will involuntarily engage in such behavior. This is acceptable as long as it is kept to a minimum.

Q: I’m thinking about buying a Blackberry or similar PDA (personal digital assistant). Is this acceptable?
A: As an undergraduate, you should refrain from PDA’s. You don’t need a personal organizer when all you have to do is go to parties, get druntaneous, and show up for class on test days. However, fratdaddies, upon graduation, usually enter into professions where they have a great deal of power and responsibilities. The PDA is therefore acceptable as an accessory in the post-grad fratting environment.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Fratmosphere – Noun: Location or situation where the level of fratitude far exceeds the level of douchebaggery.

ex. The fratmosphere at this bar would make a GDI’s head explode.

Rushee – Noun: One who aspires to receive a bid from a fraternity or sorority.

ex. One of our rushees shacked with two girls after his first rush party, so I think he would make a great addition to our house.

Wall-sit – Verb: The act of a sorostitute placing her back against the wall and squatting in an effort to tone her muscles while releasing unwanted liquid intake.

ex. {see picture below}

Popularity: unranked [?]

Another week of FRAT MADNESS, and another game goes right down to the wire!  Coming back from a double digit deficit only a few days ago, open bar has defeated crawfish boil by a margin of 77-75.  The next closest match saw steak and lobster putting up a valiant fight before fading late to a consistently strong Natty Lite.  In the Miscellaneous region, hazing easily slid by Frathoe and will face golf, which has been surprisingly stout in this tournament so far.  As expected,  polo shirt absolutely demolished sorority cocktail t-shirt to breeze into the next round.

Stay tuned, as the next matchups will be posted soon.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Since its inception only a couple of years ago, Facebook has evolved into a globally known online yearbook primarily for college students. Now in early 2007, it is rather difficult to locate a college student without a Facebook account. Unfortunately, your Professors of Fratology have witnessed fratty individuals diminishing their fratitude and giving into douchebaggery with their gross misuse of Facebook. It is now time to provide an educational article that so many fratdaddies and sorostitutes desperately need. After reading this, you will then know how to properly frat hard with Facebook.

Why Do I Need a Facebook Account?

You do not necessarily need a Facebook account, but you probably already have one. It can provide for a fratty asset when used properly. Facebook should only be used for the following:

1.) Remembering names;
Ex: “What was the name of that girl I shacked with last night?”

2.) Remembering faces;
Ex: “I went on a date with him freshmen year, but I can’t remember what he looks like.

3.) Examining the physique of another;
Ex: “John, my girlfriend’s pledge sister thinks you’re hot.”

4.) Determining General Information About Another.
Ex: “When is Jessica’s birthday?”

The Profile Picture

There are a few rules of thumb for your profile picture:

1.) First, you should have a picture and it must be of yourself. Nobody wants to looks at a blue question mark or a picture of some celebrity that you have never met.

2.) It should be a current picture, meaning your picture should not be over a year old. A lot can change in a year, like gaining 50 pounds.

3.) You and only you should be in the picture. How can John figure out how the sorostitute looks if there are seven people in the picture? There is one exception to this rule; if you are in a serious relationship with a fratdaddy or sorostitute, you are allowed to display a picture of the two of you.

4.) The picture should only show you in your normal, fratty state. This means you should be featured in frat gear, be it normal everyday frat wear or dressy frat attire if the picture is from a formal or cocktail.

Basic Rules of Thumb For The About Me/Education Section

1) Relationship Status: If you are in a real relationship, having the relationship status in view is acceptable. Some sorostitutes have engaged in mock relationship status posts, which have them, for example, married to or engaged to one of their pledge sisters. This was funny at first, but has now lost its humor. Avoid it.

2) Quotes should be concise and humorous if possible. If you have more than five quotes, no one with a life will take the time to read them all. The best quotes are usually those from fellow fratdaddies and sorostitutes, as inside jokes are fratty in their exclusivity. During our studies, we have noticed several sorostitutes with Sex and the City quotes that go on for days. If you’re going to quote a movie or TV show, keep it short. Most of the space in this section should be reserved for humorous quips from drunktaneous friends.

3) Activities and Favorites: Keep this short and frat. Your fraternity or sorority should be the first thing mentioned here. You don’t have to put things like, “partying” or “going out”. As you are a fratty person, these things are assumed. As for actual content, if the activity is not fratty, it should not be listed.

4) About Me: A life story is not necessary. A brief statement about where you are from and what you are involved in on campus will suffice.

5) We’ve said it several times above, but it bears repeating…keep it as short as possible. Sorostitutes can get away with a longer profile than fratdaddies. The fradaddy’s page should be kept to an absolute minimum. If you have time to make a page that, if printed, would kill an entire forest worth of paper, then frat took an unacceptably long lunch break.

Groups

Groups are acceptable only if they are fratty. Use your common sense. If the word “frat” is in the group name, then it is probably fratty. If you are invited to an unfratty group, quickly reject the invitation. Creating groups is acceptable in rare circumstances. For instance, groups are often useful for the furtherance of fratty inside jokes. It is also acceptable to create a group for the furtherence of fratty education. The creation of a FrattingHard.com group that could introduce fratty education to the uninitiated would serve this purpose. Any group of which you are a member should be free of a political agenda. No “Save Our Animals,” “We Will Rock The Vote,” etc. Facebook is not the place for making a difference.

Friends

Be friends only with people you are friends with. If you think that adding random people is a way to show how many friends you actually have, do a search on your school and notice how many “friends” are listed on many douchebag profiles. This is almost always a result of random friendage. If you get a friend request from someone you don’t know, reject it (unless they look fratty, because you probably actually met them, but were too drunktaneous to remember). But remember: you are in a fraternity or sorority…you don’t have to accept people you don’t know to have hundreds of friends.

Photos

Why did Facebook add this feature? We bet it was probably to make you waste fratting hard time on their website. Fratdaddies, you should not even own a camera, other that the one that is probably on your cell phone, which you should also never use. The only acceptable photo upload from a fratdaddy is abnormally fratty pictures from parties. Sorostitutes, you can get away with more here as well, but don’t overdo it.

Status/Messaging/Wall Writing/Notes/Poking

For the most part, these features are not fratty and you should steer clear of them. If you need to talk to someone, pick up your cell phone. These features are acceptable only if you are announcing something fratty that you recently did or are shortly about to do. An example of an appropriate wall message would be: “Jennifer, those 12 jager bombs at the bar nearly killed me. Thanks for doing my laundry before you left this morning. I’m about to go to my beachhouse, play golf, then get a keg and take the yacht out to sea. See you next week.”

Time Limit Per Day

With the limited amount of uses that you should have for Facebook, you should not logon to your account for more than a few minutes each day, if that. Spend your free time fratting hard and lastly, follow our guideline so you do not end up like this guy.

TO-x-lVV0_4

Popularity: unranked [?]

Since the birth of FrattingHard.com in late 2006, the growth of the site has been phenomenal.  A quick look at the Colleges Fratting Harder tally shows that the teachings of your humble professors of fratology have spread all over the country to colleges and universities from coast to coast.  We would like to take this opportunity to let you know of some recent additions and exciting future updates that will let you frat harder in 2007 than you ever have before.

First of all, don’t forget that the FRAT MADNESS TOURNAMENT is progressing toward the Fratty 4.  The games are becoming more exciting each week as some of the frattiest things on earth vie to be crowned the frattiest of the frat.

As a service to our most faithful readers, we have begun sending out a mailing list that informs those readers about major site updates and features.  If you would like to be included on this mailing list, please enter your email address in the form on the right hand side of the homepage.  Don’t worry about us giving out or selling your email address; that would be a total douchebag move, and it, like all other forms of douchebaggery, is staunchly opposed at FrattingHard.com.

Starting tonight, there will also be several major posts this week, including a new site feature.  We will soon be starting a Frequently Asked Questions page, which will be a quick reference for answers to some frequent inquiries we receive.  Also, the Fratdaddy’s Guide to Facebook will be posted later this week.  Although it is a valuable networking tool, too many fratdaddies fall into the trap of engaging in online douchebaggery on Facebook which they would shun in day to day life.  Be looking for this feature post later this week.

Frat Hard or Go Home,
Your Professors of Fratology

Popularity: unranked [?]

Douchebaggery – Noun/Verb: Actions (or engaging in actions or thoughts) often promulgated by GDI’s and other unfratty persons; actions which fratdaddies and sorostitutes never engage in

ex. Gel-headed GDI’s playing ultimate frisbee were spreading so much douchebaggery that I wanted to kick them in the nuts with my Topsiders, but I decided to go to the bars and get drunktaneous instead.

Fratitude – Noun: The state of mind in which one embraces those things that are truly fratty and rejects those things which exemplify douchebaggery.

ex. After watching the pledge take 3 girls home from the party, and then returning to the house at 5 AM to mop, I realized that he had the fratitude necessary to one day become a great fratdaddy.

Total Frat Move – Noun/Verb: an action taken by a fratdaddy or sorostitute that contains characteristics that are deemed to be of a totally fratty nature, therefore making the action a total frat move

ex. Tossing my keys to the bouncer and making him park my frathoe before I went in to frattab was a total frat move.

Popularity: unranked [?]

After reading this lesson, don’t forget to scroll down and vote in the new match-ups in the FRAT MADNESS TOURNAMENT.

Simply put, no one item embodies the fratty lifestyle as does the solid colored polo shirt. Ever versatile, the polo is first donned by the fratty when they are just fratlings, serves them daily as pledges, and is worn faithfully throughout college and into the post-grad fratting years. However, not all polo shirts are equal. This guide will hopefully inform and educate you in the art of fratting the polo…an art that anyone wishing to frat hard must learn early and practice often.

As a primer, we must define the “polo shirt”. We are referring to a short sleeved, solid colored cotton shirt with a collar and typically two buttons. They should be free of any decoration, other than a small logo on the left breast of the shirt. As we explain later, this tiny logo is often the difference between fratting hard and going home.

The wearing of the polo shirt is rather basic. Undershirts are optional, but if worn they must be of the white short sleeved variety. Nothing says, “GDI” like a long sleeved, colored t-shirt under your polo. It is very important to immediately note that sorostitutes should absolutely include the ladies’ polo in their wardrobe. Few things show the world that you are lady that’s willing to frat hard like a polo shirt with your ruffly-butt skirt. As for tuck-in rules, there are several options. The fratdaddy can wear the polo tucked, untucked, or front tucked. The only exception is on the golf course, when only a tucked polo is proper.

What is not basic, however, is selecting the right polo shirt. This site ran a poll for several months that asked the question, “What is the frattiest brand of polo shirt?” This poll included four of the most popular options in the frat community: Ralph Lauren Polo, Brooks Brothers, Vineyard Vines, and Lacoste. The professors of fratology were pleased to see that when the final results were tallied, the percentages reflected our own opinions. These brands will now be explored in more depth so that you can make an informed decision about your polo shirt purchases.

Ralph Lauren Polo
40.49% of poll respondents concurred with our belief that the old standard, Ralph Lauren Polo, is still the benchmark of polo shirts in the fratty community. There is little that can be said about Polo that you don’t already know. A staple of fratdom from the first days of pledgeship all the way though post-grad fratting, the solid colored Polo is always a safe bet. One of the upsides to the Polo brand is that they provide fratty attire for both men and ladies. Sorostitutes should note that the shirt-inspired Polo dresses, which are, in actuality, just long Polo shirts, are vital components in the true sorostitute’s wardrobe. But be you a sorostitute or a fratdaddy, there is little doubt that the Ralph Lauren Polo is still the standard by which all other polo shirts are judged. After all, we named this post, “Battle of the Polo Shirts” for a reason…Ralph Lauren defined this style which has so ingrained itself into the frat community that there is no chance that it will give up its top spot in the fratvironment for years to come.

Brooks Brothers
Coming in with 28.74% of the vote was Brooks Brothers. While implementing the basic styles and colors of the Polo shirt, Brooks Brothers falls to second place for a couple of key reasons. First, it is less prevalent among younger fratters, especially those who have not yet entered college. Many true fratdaddies were dressing fratty before they even made it to campus, and in these early wardrobes Brooks Brothers is usually only sporadically found. Even through college, the lessons of pledgeship often influence fratdaddies to favor the Horse over the Golden Fleece. However, the entire Brooks Brothers repertoire, when compared to the entirety of the Ralph Lauren Polo collection, may just contain the highest percentage of fratty attire. Secondly, the Brooks Brothers brand does not offer the same availability for fratty options for sorostitutes. For this reason, historically, sorostitutes come to favor the other options on this list above Brooks Brothers merchandise. However, the Brooks Brothers polo is still a classy device that should be represented in every fratdaddy’s closet (on at least a limited basis). When the college days are over, we recommend that these premium items take an even bigger role in your wardrobe, as they have long been staples of the post-grad fratty closet.

Vineyard Vines
With 17.41% of the vote was the new pledge on the block, Vineyard Vines…and it is a super pledge. If you are not acquainted with the Whale, we encourage you to go check out their website (warning: if you are a GDI, look at the site one picture at a time…otherwise, the frattiness of the pictures may cause your head to explode). We have tried to find something in the Vineyard Vines catalog that is not fratty. So far, we have failed on this quest. To add to the fratty look of this brand, even the names of the colors are fratabulous. “Bermuda pink,” “Greenwich green,” “Sailor red,” “Lobster,” “Margarita,” “Prepster pink,” and “Maui blue,” are just a few of the fratty colors you can choose from when you’re picking your Vineyard Vines selection. If it sounds like we are excited about this brand, it’s because we are. Since it hit our region, the professors of fratology have systematically integrated more and more Vineyard Vines selections into our own wardrobes. We encourage you all to follow suit. However, be mindful that the other, more famous brands should still have a place in your wardrobe. Although fratty to the extreme, the Whale still doesn’t have the face recognition of the Horse. Oh, and ladies, the Whale cares you, too. Shirts, sweaters, and other fratty female attire are readily available from the Vineyard Vines folks.

Lacoste
Bringing up the rear in the poll was Lacoste with 13.36% of the vote. Just because Lacoste finished last in the poll does not mean it cannot be fratty at times. However, be advised that this long standing brand is unfortunately popular with many douchebags. In fact, we have often seen douchebags trying to integrate themselves with fratdaddies at bars while using the Lacoste shirt as cover. The Gator made a comeback in the frat community in the early 2000’s, but for the reason stated above has taken a dive of late. There is no need to clear your wardrobe of Lacoste; just be advised that for every-day wear, the other three brands are more appropriate.

Although the above brands are national standards, there are some regional polo brands that are also acceptable. You, as a fratdaddy, know what these brands are in your region. They can be integrated into your wardrobe; just use your frat sense when making such purchases.

Now that you know what to wear, it is important that we mention what not to wear. We’ve said it before, and we’re saying it again: we don’t care if they are solid colored polo shirts, DO NOT WEAR AMERICAN EAGLE, ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH, OR AEROPOSTALE. That is as plain as we can state it. Just don’t do it. You didn’t join a fraternity or sorority to look like a douchebag.

Popularity: unranked [?]