FrattingHard.com

Drunktaneous – Adjective: The state of being overly obnoxious due to extreme intoxication.

ex. Let’s get drunktaneous off this Knob Creek before we even get to the band party.

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It’s not possible to frat too hard, but if it were, we would have done it over Christmas. However, we’re back in the saddle now and ready for a new year, and we’re ready to announce the winners of our last FRAT MADNESS TOURNAMENT matchups.

In the most hard fought battle of the entire tournament, sorority cocktail t-shirt edged out diagonally striped necktie by a single digit margin in the clothes bracket. The underdog Natty Lite doubled up the favored kegs in the food/drink region, while it was smooth sailing for open bar over Solo Cups in the party region. Finally, a heavily favored hazing took down sports gambling in the miscellaneous region.

The 4’s vs. 5’s are now available for voting.

Click here to view the updated bracket.

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With the college football bowl season upon us, we have decided to showcase some of the frattiest active head coaches in NCAA Division I football. With their celebrity status and university affiliations, the following men are ideal public figures to teach the world how to frat hard.

Dennis Erickson (Montana State University, Sigma Alpha Epsilon), Arizona State University – Not only does Coach Erickson have a national championship to his name, he also has at least one DWI on his record. Shortly after being named head coach of the NFL’s Seattle Seahawks, Erickson blew a fratastic 0.23 BAC when pulled over by police in 1995. Since that incident, Erickson (showing he isn’t a quitter) has continued his excessive drinking, but has learned to always use a pledge as a sober driver. Look for Coach Erickson this fall at sorority and fraternity parties all across the Arizona State campus.

Urban Meyer (University of Cincinnati, Sigma Chi), University of Florida – Coach Meyer has definitely had a successful run as the head coach at Florida, taking the Gators to the BCS championship game in only his second year at the university. With the guidance of Meyer, Florida is looking to move into the upper echelon of the SEC’s frattiest football universities. From his time in college, he knows that it’s hard to stay interested in the game when trying to pour your drink from a flexiflask attached to your date’s thigh, so he employs a high flying spread offense to keep the boys in blazers into the game.

Joe Paterno (Brown University, Delta Kappa Epsilon), Penn State University – While other octogenarian coaches would have went home long ago, JoePa continues to frat hard at Penn State, and can routinely be seen chewing out players and checking out cheerleaders on the sidelines in Happy Valley. Even when Coach Paterno was bowled over and severely injured during a game this season, he didn’t stay at home for long. Possessing the spirit of a 20 year old frat daddy who goes back out the night after ending up in the drunk tank, JoePa was back on the sidelines after only a week off.

Steve Spurrier (University of Florida, Alpha Tau Omega), University of South Carolina – Even though he is a legend at his alma mater, Spurrier rejected an offer to return to the Sunshine State for one simple reason: he wanted to become a member of Augusta National. Putting golf (and membership in an exclusive organization) ahead of all else is a total frat move and shows the fratty character of the Old Ball Coach.

Jim Tressel (Baldwin-Wallace College, Alpha Tau Omega), The Ohio State University – If you ever need a fratty wardrobe lesson from a football coach, look no further than Jim Tressel. Rain or shine, he always paces the sidelines in a fratty tie, complete with The Ohio State sweater vest, where the school logo is just big enough that you know exactly where he coaches, but not so big that you wonder if it were manufactured by Abercrombie.

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Your Professors of Fratology would like to wish all the fratdaddies and sorostitutes of the world a very Fratty Christmas.  We hope that Santa Claus (Daddy) brought you all the solid colored polo shirts, fratty vehicles, North Face jackets, expensive golf clubs, and top shelf liquor that you demanded.  Keep fratting hard, because you have nothing else to do for the next few days.

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Bar Funk – Noun: the elements of the floor of a bar that generally attach to a fratdaddy’s or sorostitute’s shoes, making them blacker in color.

ex. Heather got so drunk last night that she lost her shoes and ended up with her feet covered in bar funk.

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It’s all over in our second FRAT MADNESS matchday, and once again, we have an upset.  While Polo Shirts, Steak/Lobster, and the mighty Frathoe dominated their 7th seeded opponents, the crawfish boil shocked 2nd seeded and HEAVILY favored Going Out in the Party bracket by a margin of 66 to 46.

You can view the updated bracket here.

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Ladies, the professors of www.frattinghard.com are Title IX supporters and we are here to take care of your fratting needs. Like fratdaddies, sorostitutes must take special care regarding their looks. Any mistakes made in the following categories will prevent any woman from ever stepping foot in a frat castle. If you wish to frat hard, abide by the following guidelines set forth below:

Hair: Unlike with fratdaddies, many different hairstyles are acceptable for sorostitutes in the frat world. The key is to keep your hairstyle conservative. Highlights are allowed, as long as they are properly done. The so-called “skunk look,” as seen below, must be avoided. To ensure the proper sorostitute look, you shoud extend the practice of frat tabbing to the beauty salon. The more money you spend at a reputable hair stylist, the better. No amount is too high to make sure that you are able to reel in the frattiest of the frat daddies.

Make-up: Make-up should be worn in public at all times. The last thing you want is a fratdaddy to see you without make-up, which will guarantee that you will not be asked to any fraternity function by him or his fratty brothers anytime in the near future. When it comes to make-up, a sorostitute should avoid looking like a whore, which is just a step shy of face painting, as you can see from the following picture. Any extreme colors should only be worn for certain fraternity or sorority social functions, such as 80’s parties or pimps n’ hoes swaps/mixers. Finally, lip gloss is a must for any sorostitute. When that time of the night comes around when your frat daddy wants to seal the deal, dry lips are definitely a deal breaker.

Tanning: A sorostitute should have a nice, healthy tan. Bronzing is the preferred way to achieve the perfect tan. Unlike frat daddies, it is permissible for a sorostitute to enter a tanning salon, but avoid visiting the salon so much that you end up looking like a Christmas turkey that’s been cooking at 350 degrees for 5 hours.. There is such a thing as being too tan. Here’s a test: if it’s December, and you have sunburn on any part of you body, you’ve been tanning too much. As for spray tan, it is never permissible. Remember our day-glo orange friend from Part One of this guide. You do not want to look like your tan is fake. Although there are some establishments that may be able to provide you with a quick fix tan that looks half way natural, this is a shot in the dark which should be avoided. If you really care about being on the speeddial of frat daddies across campus, you’ll take care to avoid this type of quick fix that will leave you looking like one of the two bit wanna be’s that hangs out at the local coffee shop waiting to pick up guys after their ultimate frisbee tournament.

Body Piercings: Piercings are simple for sorostitues: one hole in each earlobe. Should you already have a piercing of another area of your body, stop wearing jewelry in that area immediately. For navel piercings, there is no other way to put this: this isn’t high school, this isn’t senior trip, and this isn’t the Redneck Riveria. Put a pearl in each ear and let any other holes in your body that you weren’t born with heal up. The holes on your body that were God given are sufficient for any respectable frat daddy.

Jewelry: Pearls and small diamonds are highly recommended jewelry items that can easily be worn by sorostitutes on a daily basis. Even though you may not feel like putting on the pearls for your 8 o’clock class, doing so is just a part of being a sorostitute. Yes, the girl that sits beside you may have come to class in no makeup, no jewelry, and wearing pajama pants…but you came wearing pajama pants with makeup and pearls. This communicates to the frat daddies on campus that you had a great time the night before, but you’re still all class, and are ready to go again tonight. Cheap and costume jewelry should never be part of a sorostitute’s attire. These items tell everyone in the room that you knew you should have worn some jewelry, thus giving you a chance to frat hard, but you took the easy way out and went home instead.

Following these rules will ensure you a lifetime of fratting hard with the frattiest of frat daddies. Before going out in public, think to yourself, “Would a fratdaddy let me meet his parents looking like this?” This is important, because his dad is probably a judge or a CEO of a major company. If the answer is no, re-read this guide and make the appropriate changes. If the answer is yes, then keep doing what you’re doing and go frat hard with no lunch breaks.

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Our first matchday saw three of the four #1’s fratting so hard that their opponents’ heads exploded before they ever knew what hit them, while the other ended up going home. If nothing else, this should serve as a wake up call for the #2 seeds as they go up against some very formidable opponents from the ranks of the #7 seeds. Now it’s up to you to decide who will live on in their effort to be crowned king of all things frat, and who will take their hair gel and go home.

*** UPDATE ***

It’s all over.  Go vote in the new matchups.

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Frat Tabbing – Verb: running up a substantial tab at a bar, restaurant, or social club

ex. I was frat tabbing at the restaurant last night when I ordered both the filet and the lobster and 7 rounds of Booker’s on the rocks.

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The first round of the FRAT MADNESS TOURNAMENT is all over, and likewise, it is all over for one of our number one seeds. While Croakies/Costas, Bourbon/Coke, and Formal/Cocktail all crushed their bottom-ranked opponent, Skoal, the number one seed in the miscellaneous region, was stunningly upset by Sailing. Will Sailing be the Cinderella story of this tournament? Hopefully not, because we all know that Cinderella went home.

Click Here For The Updated FRAT MADNESS TOURNAMENT BRACKET

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