FrattingHard.com

Car
Fratty: Frathoe
GDI: Honda Element

Shirt
Fratty: Vineyard Vines Polo
GDI: Aeropostale Hooded Sweatshirt

Drink
Fratty: Wild Turkey and Coke (Fratty Lite for Pledges)
GDI: Honda Element

Gameday Attire
Fratty: Dress shirt and tie
GDI: Body Paint

Sport
Fratty: Golf
GDI: Ultimate Frisbee

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Fratting hard is not confined to the United States. As we discussed in our earlier lesson, The Deep South, fratting hard is culturally definined. As a further example, we will look at fratting throughout different world cultures.

Egypt

Most professors of fratology conclude that the early Egyptians were the first culture to frat hard. In this wall mural, we see a young man fratting hard by sitting with his hot girlfriend while a servant girl brings him wine. The hieroglyphics above read, “The wine is worth more than the servant will be paid in her life.”

Turkey

Few things are frattier than dating multiple partners at once when they all know about each other and still want you. This law of fratology was first established by the rulers of the Ottoman Empire, who all boasted impressive harems of ladies who totally gave it up all the time.

Western Europe

This painting by Edouard Manet shows the typical day in the life of a European gentleman who fratted hard. Note the wasting of food because they’re too rich to care, the expensive clothes, and the fact that they’ve got that one chick drunk enough to get naked. The girl in the background, most scholars agree, is not with the party, but is rather attempting to put her head below water in order to keep it from exploding from the fratitude which she has witnessed.

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In our regionally segmented social society, one question that often arises in the study of Fratology is, “Are some cultures inherently fratty?” Along with this, of course, comes the inverse question, “Are some cultures inherently not fratty?”

Quite honestly, the answer to the affirmative in either case is, in almost every instance, a gross simplification. Many cultural segments which would appear, on the surface, to be devoid of fratitude may be, in fact, very fratty upon closer and more careful inspection. For instance, the nomadic sheep herders of Outer Mongolia may offend traditional notions of frattiness with their quaint dress and questionable hygeine, but at the same time may ooze fratitude with their liberal ingestion of alcoholic beverages of a strength befitting even the most effective of paint removers.

Therefore, to answer the question of cultural frattiness, one must look at the culture in question in depth. One must observe the nuances of how the fratty in that culture frat, how hard they frat, and what activities they take part in that would be generally decided to not be fratty. Pursuant to this exercise, we will now look at the culture of the Deep South of the United States.

As all that are well versed in fraternal history know, the conservative and exclusive nature of Southern fraternities has long fostered such fratty standards as fratty dress and concentration of people with rich fathers. However, recent frat scholars have noted that as admission standards have become more lax through the years some decidedly unfratty elements of general Southern society have venomously infiltrated the Southern fratmosphere. Chief among these insipid aberrations is the native Southern redneck creeping his more reprehensible tendencies into the fabric of Southern fratting.

The line which has been crossed is one that is clear, but oft ignored. This line is the difference between the redneck and the good ole boy, and the difference is, if properly examined, as clear as night and day. While the redneck and the good ole boy may enjoy similar pasttimes (football, beer, chasing women, and shooting unsuspecting wildlife), the good ole boy is always cognizent of the need to conduct themselves during said activities with a modicum of class and style. We must assume that you, as a reader of this site engaged in the advanced study of fratting hard, know the not-so-subtle differences in the two very distinct classes, so further discussion of those differences is not required. Suffice it to say, however, that the question of Southern culture, as it relates to fratting hard, is the question of “redneck or good ole boy?” If an act or omission is unique to the redneck, it is decidedly not fratty. If an act or omission is unique to the good ole boy, it is decidedly fratty.

As an exercise, we will illustrate two simple examples of this test:
1) Attending a college football game, a good ole boy will be seen in, at bare minimum, a tucked collared shirt. A redneck will be seen in the bare minimum of shirt, pants, and body paint required by law in a public forum.
2) When attempting to choose a female companion, the good ole boy will attempt to secure a lady who is both attractive and fashionable. The male redneck will, on the other hand, choose the lady with the blackest roots on the blondest hair, or possibly a lady with the most well done Hank Williams, Jr. tattoo on her lower back.

As a parting note, I leave you with a graphic representation of “Southern, done wrong.” Rest assured, the young lady featured in this link is doomed to live a life that will never know the joy of truly fratting hard unless she seeks immediate and extensive fratherapy (be sure to look at the whole site):

Blessed Are the Unfratty, For They Shall Die Alone

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There are certain phrases in the English language that, by their very nature, should be heeded with extreme consistency on every occasion in which they are uttered. Such phrases include, “Help me, I have accidentally set my underwear ablaze,” “Get the gun, there is a mountain lion in my bedroom,” and “That looks really infected.” Thankfully, the aforementioned phrases retain their potency because we rarely, if ever, hear them unless the situation they describe is currently occurring. Unfortunately, some other phrases are no less worthy of attention, but their propensity to be casually used in every day conversation tends to deny them the respect they deserve in every instance.

One example of such a phrase is, “Frat hard or go home.” On many occasions, everyone in the room will be fratting as hard as their frat gland will allow (in such situations, the frat gland is producing the maximum amount of fratdrenaline that the body can handle; no spoken phrase can serve to force one to frat harder than one is already fratting), and yet this phrase is needlessly interjected into the conversation. The danger of this is, of course, that the phrase will not be observed when its true power is needed.

“Frat hard or go home,” is not a phrase meant to scorn. It is a phrase meant to, literally, save lives. We have all seen evenings that escalate to the point where fratdrenaline can almost be viewed in the air, and such situations create an environment that is plagued with danger for those not fratting as hard as they could physically endure. Just as driving 35 MPH on the interstate causes a hazard to both the driver and those around them, uninspired and inadequate fratting can lead to disaster when one meets the tidal wave of frat that is crashing into the room. Therefore, “Frat hard or go home,” serves to inform all present that the fratoscity of the room has reached critical levels, and those not fratting hard may be swept up and destroyed due soley to their lack of fratitude.

I am wholly unable, and my vocabulary is insufficient, to describe the horror that can occur from inadequate fratting in a frat rich environment. I feel that only a graphical display of the mayhem that light fratting creates can successfully impart the severity of my warnings. With this in mind, I submit to each of you the following link. In this woeful situation, the young victim is not only not fratting hard, but he is rather engaged in activity sure to drain even the most greedy savings account at the First International Frat Bank. I warn you, this is not pretty; however, it is of the utmost importance that each of you view the video. It might just save your life.

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1657942/

Do not make this young man’s mistake. Remember the acronym FRAT:

Figure out how fratty the situation you are party to is
Respect the power of the fratitude you observe
Apply your frat knowledge to raise your fratitude to an acceptable level
Tap your frat reserve account if you feel that additional emergency fratitude is necessary.
I implore each of you, frat hard or go home.

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